


Merlin, These Boys are Idiots

by gabriellelupin_black



Series: Wolfstar: Through The Ages [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Get Together, Hogwarts Era, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MWPP, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Oblivious Sirius Black, Pining Remus Lupin, Pining Sirius Black, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, eventual light smut, pls read my fic its my first one!!, seriously these boys need to get their shit together, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:56:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 48,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25174981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriellelupin_black/pseuds/gabriellelupin_black
Summary: Remus wears cardigans, drinks tea and is head over heels for Sirius Black.Sirius Black snogs every girl at Hogwarts, and is definitely, 100%, certainly NOT jealous.Lily Evans is concerned.James Potter is a meddler (and still very much in love).Peter is observant and very, very fed up.A story of pining, get togethers, fall aparts, and falling in love.Comments and kudos are very much welcome and appreciated :)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Wolfstar: Through The Ages [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1829482
Comments: 194
Kudos: 275





	1. Chapter 1 - Remus

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi!! This is my first wolfstar fic and my first fic since starting my writing degree so I'm excited for you to read it!  
> I've been obsessively reading Remus/Sirius fics on the daily for years now, so if I include any storylines that have been done before (by accident of COURSE!!) let me know and I'll give the creator credit.  
> Enjoy!

Remus was leaning against the headboard of his bed in the sixth year dorms, when a loud, raucous, Sirius Black-shaped tornado burst through the door.  
“And she looked so ANGRY!!” He shouted.  
“Well to be fair you did call another girl’s name when you came. That’s cause for a bit of anger,” James barrelled in to the room after him. Remus felt Sirius staring at him, and slowly sighed as he closed his book.  
“Mooooooooney Moony Moooooony,” Sirius whined.  
“What can I do for you Sirius?” Remus responded, hoping his frustration couldn’t be heard through his tone.  
“Girls. Girls! They are a NIGHTMARE, I’m telling you!” Sirius flopped onto Remus’ bed and sprawled out, exasperated. In all honesty, Remus just wanted to say ‘how about you try boys? I have and they’re pretty fucking good’ but he thought that would place more strain on an already fragile friendship.

Why their friendship was fragile at the moment, Remus wasn’t entirely sure.  
———————  
It had been over a month since he had told the Marauders that boys seemed to do it for him more than girls did. Sirius had just come back from complaining about some girl charming her hair pink ('it doesn't look good James!'). The boys had all had different reactions. James stood up awkwardly, slapped him on the back and said “Great mate. You don’t want to shag any of us do you?” He asked this as a joke, but the concern was clear in his eyes. Remus couldn’t answer this. Well, he could, because lying is a skill you gain as a werewolf, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to.  
“Oh Jamie-boy! You would be honoured if our dearest Moonpie wanted to get it on with you!” Sirius twirled and landed in Remus’ lap.  
“Merlin Padfoot, if not for the girls lining up outside the common room I’d think you were the poof,” James laughed the comment off.  
Remus was filled with the same emotion that he was filled with every time Sirius comes back to the dormitory after a night with one of his conquests. He was filled with hurt, and a mixture of fear and betrayal. 

This was, of course, completely unreasonable, because Sirius was not his to betray. Sirius was a Straight Male. Just because Remus was a Raging Homosexual didn’t mean that any man that he fancied was his to have. Even if he knew that fucked-up man better than anyone and still loved him despite it.  
Funnily enough, Peter had the best reaction out of all of them. Even though James and Sirius had laughed it off as just another one of this quirks, Peter looked Remus dead in the eye and said “Ok mate”. Remus nodded. “Fancy a walk?”, Peter gestured to the door. Remus stood up, slightly taken aback at his friend’s nonchalant response, and walked out the door.

“Look, Peter, I really appreciate-“  
“Remus. I figured it out in third year. I just wanted to wait until you were ready to talk about it.” Remus looked at him and opened his mouth to speak.  
Peter held up his hand, “And no, I didn’t tell Sirius. Or James, but somehow I don’t think that matters as much.”  
Remus was shocked. “Pete, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he sighed.  
“Excuse the pun, but you go all moony eyed every time Sirius talks about something he loves, and you shiver when he touches you. If he asks you to tie his hair up in the morning, you’re practically beaming all day. Not to mention the fact that every time he comes back from a hook-up you look at him like you look at a rabbit on the full. Or the fact that you glare daggers at any girl who gets her hands on him,” Peter explained. “Just because I’m not a genius doesn’t mean I’m not the most observant out of all of you.” He continued. “Oh, and by the way, I know that Lily knows. And that’s where we’re going.”  
Remus was dumbstruck. Had he really been that obvious? He had tried so hard, for so long, to feel completely Platonic towards his friend. He put his head in his hands and groaned. He realised that somehow they had gotten to the willow tree by the lake. And with a knowing look, Miss Lily Evans was standing there.

“Hey Rem, I hear you told them,” she said softly.  
“I JUST told them! How the hell-“ he looked at Peter, who just shrugged his shoulders.  
“I’m a witch, Remus.” He stared at her, slack-jawed.  
“Thank you Peter, you’ve been a great help,” Lily turned to face Peter. He gave her a mock salute, and turned back towards the castle.

Remus sat down under the tree and put his head in his hands. Lily put her arm around him and felt him start shaking. He looked at her, and there were tears welling in his eyes.  
“He can’t know Lily. He can’t know,” He sobbed.  
“I know my love, I know,” she rubbed soothing circles on his back. “It wasn’t obvious you know, Peter is just incredibly observant. And you know Sirius, he’s the most obtuse fellow I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting,” she comforted Remus, in a tone that said ‘it will be okay’.  
“I’m lonely, Lil. I want someone to love, and I want to know that they will love me,” he whispered.  
“Then we’ll find you someone Rem, you’re fit, it won’t be hard,” she said with a smirk.  
“Not yet Lil. I just hate knowing that no one is ever going to love me like that. I’m a freak. No one could love someone like me,” he whimpered into her shoulder.  
“Don’t say that Remus. You will be loved by someone, probably by many someones over the course of your life. Someone better than Sirius Black. It’s no secret that I don’t like him, but I know that he knows you get jealous and he still parades his conquests in front of you,” she sounded frustrated now.  
“Lily, you don’t understand. No one can love me, I’m, I’m-“  
“A werewolf, yes I know, and I love you just the same.”  
He stared at her.  
“Relax Rem. I figured it out after the third full moon in second year.” she deadpanned. “I love you, and it’s a travesty that Sirius doesn’t, but in all honesty it’s probably better that you steer clear. Everyone that boy touches ends up in tears.”  
“Hey, he dated Marlene for like 6 months last year!” he huffed.  
“Yes, and shall I remind you she’s a raging lesbian? Pretty easy to cope with Sirius when his charms don’t affect you.”. She was trying her hardest to console Remus, and he appreciated it, he really did, but he didn’t think anything could make him feel better right now. He looked at her, tears welling in his eyes.  
“I’m scared Lil.”  
“Oh my love, I know you are. But i’m right here with you, and if you ever want to escape Black you know i’m here. Or if you ever want to escape Potter, I’m also happy to help. Peter, well, he’s fine. I trust him.” She somehow knew exactly what to say, and was left hoping he was straight so he could have someone like her loving him.  
“If I was straight would you date me?” he whispered.  
“Yes I would fucking date you, you idiot. I had a crush on you until I figured out you were gay in 4th year!” He chuckled at this, smiling for the first time since he spoke to her.  
“Look. Dry your eyes, and let’s go to the common room and read, and show those boys that you are totally, completely fine.”  
“Okay Lils. Don’t leave me, yeah?” He wasn’t used to being so vulnerable, but he felt so horrible that he didn’t mind.  
“Never Rem. Never.” she smiled at him, stood up and held his hand all the way back to the castle. 

—————-  
Remus suspects that’s the reason their friendship is fragile.  
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate hearing about Sirius’ sexual endeavours at every chance he gets.


	2. Chapter 2 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus keeps his calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, but they're getting longer I swear

Remus was silent while Sirius was complaining about his current girlfriend. Sirius turned around, only to see that Remus had gone back to reading his book. His stupid book! Was his stupid book seriously more important than the fact that his girls were nightmares and he needed someone to complain to?

He realised that Remus did not, and would not, understand. 

Ever since Remus came out, he had been acting… weird. Was weird the way to put it? He hadn’t been laughing at Sirius’ quips about the girls he was dating, and he hadn’t been helping Sirius pick out outfits for his dates. Sirius was a fashion icon, obviously, and could choose his clothes for himself, but it was odd that Remus had lost interest. It was their thing, after all. It wasn’t that he was spending less time with the Marauders, because he wasn’t, it was more that he was spending less alone time with Sirius. Every time they were alone together, everything was normal, until they had gotten close to each other, when Remus would make excuses like needing to go to the library, or finish his Charms essay, or remembering that he needed to talk to Lily about something. Sirius had James, and Peter, not to mention all the girls lining up the block for a chance to talk to him, but none of them were Remus. Maybe he was seeing someone? Maybe they didn’t want him cozying up to Sirius like he had for so many years? It wasn’t like Sirius had a problem with Remus being gay. His Uncle Alphard was gay, and he was his favourite member of the family, apart from Andromeda. After all, he had always been gay, and just because he finally told them doesn’t mean that he was any different in Sirius’ eyes. However he did find that Remus didn’t flee when he was alone with Peter, or James, or Frank, or literally any other guy. It was confusing.

Not to mention the fact that Lily Evans hadn’t spoken to him since Remus came out. Well, she didn’t really speak to him much before, but now she was barely making eye contact, and when she did acknowledge his presence it was with a nod and a ‘Black’ that was incredibly hostile, even for her. She didn’t even bother to correct him in that irritating manner of hers when he would mispronounce a spell, and she didn’t discipline him in the very slightly amused way that she used to. Now she just looked him, and said ‘stop it!’, like a pedestrian spoke to Padfoot when he would try and steal their lunch. He wasn’t bothered by this, because he didn’t let birds like Lily Evans bother him, because he had no chance with her, even he could admit that. No, he wasn’t bothered, just confused. It was all so confusing.

Maybe it wasn’t connected, but he couldn’t see how it couldn’t be. The same time that Remus pulled back from Sirius, Lily started treating him like the enemy. Not the way she used to treat him, which was still as the enemy, however she used to have a smirk on her face when she told him she was fed-up with him. She had started treating him worse than she treated James Potter, which James was all too happy about, and Peter found all too amusing. She always had a smile for Remus though. Maybe she told him to pull back from Sirius. Yes. That must be it.

Sirius froze mid-sentence and said “Did Lily ask you to stop being close with me?”.  
Remus looked up from his book. “Why would she do that?”  
“I don’t know you numpty, that’s why I’m asking”, Sirius said, irritated.  
“I don’t know how it’s any of your business, but no, she didn’t.”. Remus went back to reading.  
“Could you put your bloody book down and listen to me?!” Sirius was exasperated, and it was showing.  
“Sure Sirius. What would you like to say?”  
“Moony, you haven’t been the same ever since you told me you were a poof!” He didn’t mean for it to come out like that.  
“I’m so sorry Sirius, that me being ‘a poof’” (he said with distain) “has put a damper on your opinion of me, but I’m not entirely sure that I can do anything about that.”  
“Moony, that’s not what I meant,” Sirius apologised.   
“I think it is.” Remus said in a small voice, looking down.  
“Can we just go back to normal?”  
“I’ll do my best.”

“OKAY! SO Amanda and I had been snogging for bloody ages and I needed some relief so she got down on her knees-“  
Remus cut Sirius off. “I can’t listen to this again.”  
“Where are you going?” Sirius snapped.  
“The shack. I’m tired, I think I’ll sleep a bit. It will help with the change.”.   
“Oh. Alright then.” He said angrily. Couldn’t Remus not listen to anything he had to say?!  
“I’ll see you at the full, yeah?” Remus looked over his shoulder to ask.  
“Yep. Mhm. Suuuuure.”  
Remus closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a couple chapters already written, so I'll post them asap for a good start to the story.


	3. Chapter 3 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon, and Sirius is a right bastard.

“Yep. Mhm. Suuuuure.”  
Remus replayed the words Sirius had said all the way to the shack. It sounded sarcastic, but Sirius wasn’t great with sarcasm, that was more Remus’ area of expertise. He didn’t doubt that Sirius would turn up. No matter how angry he was, Sirius always turned up for the full. He wouldn’t leave Remus, because he knew that the wolf needed Padfoot.   
He still found himself panicking. He couldn’t tell Sirius why he was pulling away, because he could hardly say ‘Hey Padfoot, I’m pulling away because I’m arse over tits in love with you and Lily is mad because she thinks you’re teasing me on purpose’. There was no possible situation where that conversation could go remotely well. 

He hauled his aching muscles up the steps of the shack, and lay down on the bed. It was a really comfortable bed, he thought, especially considering I’ll pass out and bleed all over it for the few hours I spend there. He wanted to go back to the dorm and apologise, even though the better part of him knew that apologising would get him nowhere, because he still needed to stay away from Sirius for his own sanity, but he wanted to apologise so that Padfoot would be there for the moon. He used to feel selfish, asking the Marauders to put their lives at risk every full moon, until they realised that Moony had recognised them as his pack, and he would never, ever hurt his pack. He also knew that the stag, the dog and the rat had a great deal of fun during the moon, and that telling them not to come anymore wouldn’t stop them turning up after he had changed and couldn’t tell them to go away. 

Padfoot would come. Even after the prank, when Remus told him, very angrily, to stay away, he came. Moony had forgiven Padfoot that night, which made it far easier for Remus to forgive Sirius in person. After the prank there is no way that Sirius would leave Remus at risk of hurting someone, because Padfoot was one of the main reasons that he didn’t do just that.

It was a miniature fight about some girl. This was life or death. He drifted off to sleep, knowing Padfoot would come. 

—————————————

He woke up in a hell of a lot of pain. Much, much more pain than usual. It felt like every bone was broken, and every inch of skin was bitten and torn. He opened his eyes to the concerned faces of Peter and James, who whispered “Gods Moony, you gave us a fright!”.   
“Padfoot,” he murmured. “Where’s Padfoot?” Sirius always healed the minor wounds after the moon, and stayed with him until Madam Pomfrey came to take him back to the castle.  
Peter and James looked at each other. “Where’s Padfoot?” Remus whimpered. He needed Sirius. The remains of Moony needed Padfoot.  
“Uh, he, um…” Peter stammered. “James, you do it.”  
“Bloody hell Peter. Padfoot couldn’t come last night.” James said, anger spreading across his face.  
“Why? Is he hurt? What happened?” Remus panicked. If Sirius couldn’t come, he must be really really hurt.  
“When we left the dorm, Sirius stumbled in with some blonde Ravenclaw, and when we asked if he was coming, he…” Peter drifted off.  
“Bloody hell Peter! Finish your sentences!” Yelled James. Peter just stared at a spot on the wall. James continued, “Fine. He had a date. And as far as I know, they’re still hungover in the dorm.”.  
Remus just stared. Tears started welling in his eyes. As soon as he shed the first tear, his body tensed and he felt something in his chest burst. Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe anymore.   
“Madam- Pomfrey- now- can’t- breathe-“ Remus heaved out the words and them promptly passed out. 

——————————————

He woke up in a hell of a lot of pain. Again.   
This time he was in the hospital wing. Lily was at his side, holding his hand, and weeping.  
“Remus, please, no, please…” she sniffled. He grabbed her hand with as much strength as he could muster, and she looked up.  
“Oh thank GOD. MADAM POMFREY!” She yelled, resisting the urge to jump on him and hold him until she was sure he was real.  
“Quiet yourself Miss Evans, there are people in the castle trying to sleep!” Madam Pomfrey was trying to sound irritated, but the relief in her voice was clear.   
“Remus, we didn’t know if you would make it this time…” His head pounded and he winced at the sting of the ointment applied on his chest.  
“What happened?” He croaked. “What time is it?”  
Lily was stroking his hand. She knew he would freak out.  
“Remus, it’s Thursday night.” Madam Pomfrey said.  
“I’ve been out for three days?!” He panicked. “What about the classes I’ve missed?!” Madam Pomfrey chuckled.   
“Of course that’s what you’re worried about. Miss Evans has been taking notes for you, dear.” She said, her voice warmer than he had ever heard.  
“Can I ask… what exactly happened?” Remus was almost shaking, but Lily smiled warmly at him.  
“Rem, you’re going to be just fine.”  
Remus looked up at Madam Pomfrey, wanting an explanation for why his entire body was numb. “You can tell me you know. Nothing that hasn’t happened before.” He said.  
“Well, dear, most of this hasn’t happened before.” He looked concerned, but nodded for her to continue. “Somehow most of the bones your legs are broken. I suspect that they stayed in the shape of the wolf even after you changed back. That can happen when the wolf is extremely scared.” She waited for permission top continue. Remus nodded. “You had a pretty significant brain bleed, I suspect from howling so much that your ears couldn’t handle it. You have two hoof-shaped marks on your back. They’ll just remain as bruises, not scars. I suspect a stag tried to protect themselves.” Remus chuckled at that, and then realised he should keep a straight face. “You have a gash that extends from your collarbone to your mid thigh. I’ve never seen anything like it on you.” Remus nodded, terrified.   
“Why couldn’t I breathe?” He asked.  
“This is the most peculiar part. It seemed that the wolf tried to literally remove your heart. You broke all but one of your ribs in the process, and one of those detached ribs sunk into your lung when you started crying.” Madam Pomfrey was on the verge of tears, and Lily had been sobbing the whole time. “Remus, dear, it appears that the wolf tried to kill itself.”  
Yet again, Remus passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this wasn't longer. They're getting there ok!


	4. Chapter 4 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooo angsty. It gets fluffy I promise

Sirius woke up in a tangle of limbs and with a raging hangover. He woke up to 2 boys storming into the dormitory. The girl next to him (he thinks it’s Amanda? Wait, no, it’s Abigail. Or Amanda. God. Women.) slowly wakes up and murmers “What’s going on?” into Sirius’ neck.  
“What’s going on is you’re GOING.” James yelled at (Abigail? Amanda?).  
“Sirius! Tell him he can’t tell me what to do!” She giggled until she saw Sirius’ face of pure fear.  
“Don’t talk to me like that! Siri and I were sleeping! Leave us alone,” she winked.  
“Alright, whatever the hell your name is, get the FUCK out of our dorm unless you want Amanda to know you’ve been fucking her boyfriend all night. Got it? GO!” James yelled at Abigail. It's Abigail). Well, that sorted it out.  
“For your information, they aren’t dating anymore.” She said pompously, strutting out of the dorm room. She turned around to say something else.  
Peter slammed the door in her face.  
“Would you like to tell us what the actual, literal, genuine fuck was going through your mind when you left Moony on the full to fuck a girl you barely know?” James voice had reached a new level of anger. It was such rage that it was calm. Peter was furious.  
“A rat and a stag can only do so much, Sirius. Padfoot is what keeps Moony alive.” Peter was fuming.  
Sirius stood up and opened his mouth to speak. “You know what, Black? I don’t want to know what you were thinking. I cannot think of a single reason you could have missed the moon. You come. You’re sick? You come. You’re tired? You come. You’re on your fucking death bed? YOU COME.” James boomed.  
“Don’t call me Black.” Sirius managed.  
“Alright. What family do you belong to then? Because someone who does what you just did, sure as hell doesn’t belong in mine.” James was doing the talking, because Peter was sat on his bed with his head in his hands.  
“It was one moon. Please calm the fuck down.” Sirius said, calmly.  
James walked up to Sirius, and looked down at him. Sirius looked over at Peter, who was shaking. He must be crying. Or very close to it at least.  
“One moon Sirius? One fucking moon? Alright. It was one moon. But guess what? It’s probably going to be the last one.” He whispered to Sirius.  
Sirius looked confused. “What?”  
“That’s right, Sirius. Madam Pomfrey says Moony is going to die. Actually, I believe her words were ‘if he has a chance, it’s very, very slim.’ So if you want to treat this as one fucking moon? Go for it. But Pete and I just witnessed our best friend try to kill himself. Try to literally rip his heart out. Which only happens, might I add, when the person behind the wolf is in so much emotional pain that they don’t want to do it anymore.”  
Sirius just stared.  
“I don’t ever speak up, Sirius. But I just watched Moony stop breathing. And if you had been there… well. If you had been there, maybe he wouldn’t have felt so lonely that he tried to kill himself.” Peter said softly. The rage had faded. It was just sadness.  
“Guys…” Sirius whispered, pleading.  
“Sirius, we would appreciate if you didn’t speak to us.” And at that moment, James’ fist collided with his jaw.

————————————————

When Sirius walked into the Great Hall, James and Peter turned their heads.  
Lily Evans walked up to him, and with all the strength she could muster, yelled “McGonagall? Detention when you see fit.”  
Sirius looked confused until Lily growled “Fuck you, Black.” and slapped him as hard as possible in the face.  
Sirius looked shocked, and angry, and… was that embarrassed? Sirius Black doesn’t get embarrassed. He stared at her as she walked to a very angry McGonagall and he walked over to sit next to Marlene.  
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. He made to sit down, and as soon as he hit the bench, she, along with a fuming Dorcas, an incredibly angry Alice and a slightly guilty looking Frank, stood up and walked away. Sirius grabbed Frank’s hand. “What do they think I did?” He asked.  
“I believe Marlene, Dorcas and Alice believe you are the reason that Remus is almost dead. They don’t need a backstory. If Lily Evans is willing to get a detention and slap you in front of the entire great hall, and all of the teaching staff…. Well. You fucked up. And I would appreciate” he yanked his hand out of Sirius’ grip “if you would fuck off.”.  
They sat down next to James and Peter.  
Sirius walked out of the great hall. Suddenly he wasn’t feeling very hungry.

——————————————————

Sirius found himself walking towards the hospital wing. He opened the door and a very angry Madam Pomfrey rushed towards him. “Oh no you don’t. Get out Mr Black.”  
“I just want to see him,” Sirius pleaded, “Just for a minute.”  
“Mr Lupin is asleep. And as I’m sure you know, he may not wake up. You have one minute. I’m timing it.”  
She opened the curtains to a sleeping Remus Lupin. His bandages were covered in blood, four empty bottles of Skele-Gro were on his bedside table, and a stack of notes in James’ and Lily’s handwriting were on the floor. He forgot how to breathe.  
“Black. Time’s up.”  
“One more minute, please,” Sirius begged.  
“Lupin’s friends have requested that you not enter the hospital wing. I have been lenient enough. Please leave.” Madam Pomfrey said sharply.  
Sirius stood still on the spot.  
“Black.” She said. He didn’t look away from Remus. “BLACK.” She yelled. “Sirius Black. Get. Out.”  
He turned, slowly, and walked away.

———————————————————

None of his friends spoke to Sirius during classes that day. He found himself sitting next to Slytherins, and even they didn’t want to speak to him, not that they ever wanted to speak to him.  
McGonagall gave him an extra 10 inches of transfiguration homework to do, for swinging on his chair. Dumbledore, for the first time ever, didn’t smile back when Sirius smiled at him in the corridor. This is what it feels like to be alone, he thought. Even his family spoke to him, even just to discipline him, or yell. He walked up to the dorms two days after the full and found a huddled circle of sixth years in the middle of the common room floor. Lily looked at him disdainfully. Everyone else ignored him. “I don’t deserve this.” He said to himself as he changed out of his robes.  
He fell to the floor of the shower, and whispered “yes. I do.”.

——————————————————

Peter opened the curtains to Sirius’ bed, late on Thursday night. “He’s alive. He’s awake.” Peter closed the curtains.  
On Friday morning, James threw a sock at Sirius’ head.  
“We’ve been hard on you mate. I know. But hey, he’s alive, and god knows you have enough grovelling to do.”  
Sirius gave him a weak smile. Lily still looked like she would like nothing more than to cave Sirius’ head in, but he sat with the sixth years at breakfast. It wasn’t right, but it was a resemblance of normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaa this was hard to write i just want them to love each other!!! we're getting there people!


	5. Chapter 5 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return to normal. Or at least, a resemblance of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're easing up on the angst people! Comfort is coming!

A week had passed since the moon, and Remus deemed himself ready to return to class. Dumbledore had come up with a backstory just outrageous enough to be true to explain his extensive injuries. Apparently Remus had fallen off a broom and almost impaled himself while flying back to Hogwarts from his parents’ house. Lily had stated that if anyone doubted the story she would be happy to offer them the experience first hand, if they had time after class.

His first night back in Gryffindor Tower, Remus was greeted with nothing but smiles and Honeydukes from everyone who knew him. Lily had gone in before him and he suspected she warned people not to touch him. He also suspected that Dumbledore had told them all the story, and if they were to question it they would face the wrath of Lily Evans. That was enough to scare anyone into believing him. James and Peter had visited Remus every morning before breakfast, during lunch and after dinner. Lily had barely left his side, apart from classes and mealtimes. They would sit and do their homework together, and she would teach him what they were learning in class. It was quite a nice arrangement really. He only had to see the people he loved the most.

Then there was Sirius. Remus had requested that Sirius not be let into the hospital wing, but he wasn’t sure if Sirius had actually tried to enter. He asked James whether he had, that night while sitting by the fire.  
“He did. He was let in the first time, but after that Madam Pomfrey ushered him out every time he attempted to visit. Most of the Honeydukes left on the table was from him, along with the magically floating balloons over your head.” James explained.  
Remus was filled with guilt knowing that Sirius had seen him like that, and he knew that Sirius would blame himself for what happened. Remus was one of the only people who didn’t blame Sirius. He was angry that Sirius had abandoned him, and he suspected that that is why the wolf tried to… you know. But he didn’t see Padfoot’s attendance at the full moon as an obligation, the way that Peter and James did. He just hated that Sirius didn’t come out of spite, and he hated that he was fucking another girl while Remus was tearing himself apart. He didn’t want Sirius to hate himself because of what happened. Lily had told Remus once he woke up that the sixth years hadn’t spoken to Sirius for the better part of the week, and Remus pleaded that Lily ask the others to talk to him. He didn’t want Sirius to feel as alone as he did the night of the moon, because that loneliness was the cause for the worst injury he had sustained since he was bitten ten years ago. Lily stated that she wan’t going to say a word to Sirius. Remus had frowned at her, so she promised to tell James and Peter, and her friends, that if Remus had patience for Sirius, the least that they could do is be tolerant. 

The night he returned to Gryffindor Tower he noticed that Sirius wan’t in the common room. Remus was incredibly worn out after assuring everyone that he was okay, and once everyone had returned to their circles of chatter, he quietly excused himself to go back to the dormitory. Sirius was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. At the soft clicking of the door shutting, he looked up.  
“Hey, Sirius.” Remus managed a small smile.  
“Moony-“ Sirius shook his head and Remus suspected that Sirius didn’t feel like he deserved to address Remus with the affectionate nickname that they had made up in third year.  
“It’s okay, Sirius. Padfoot.” Remus moved to the foot of Sirius’ bed, wincing as he sat down. Sirius’ eyes were red, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.  
“It’s okay Padfoot. I’m okay. Really,” Remus tried to catch Sirius’ eyes.  
“No, no it’s not.” Sirius said, shaking his head. “You almost died, all because of me.” He kept his head down, refusing to meet Remus’ eyes.  
“Padfoot, it isn’t your obligation to come to the moon. You don’t have to feel like it’s all your fault,” Remus continued, “I was just… it was that you didn’t come out of spite, you didn’t come because of a girl.”  
“She was just some Fuck Remus, I don’t even know why I did it.” Sirius looked up, meeting Remus’ eyes. “I don’t know how I did that to you.”  
Sirius had started shaking, so Remus put his hand on his arm. “Hey, hey, you’ve punished yourself enough this week. It’s alright. You don’t have to come to the moon’s anymore, I wouldn’t hate you for it.” Remus tried to smile at Sirius, telling him that it was okay.  
Remus wasn’t okay. He knew that Moony needed Padfoot, but he loved the boy in front of him so much that he was willing to give it up to make him happy. Sirius just stared at him.   
“Sirius, you really don’t need to come anymore-“ Sirius cut him off.  
“I’m coming. I’m not leaving you, ever again.”  
Remus’ heart warmed at the sound of those words, and lay down next to Sirius. He knew that as soon as he got up and saw him with what’s-her-face it would hurt even more knowing he’d cuddled Sirius, but he thought, after the week he’d had, he deserved to drift off to sleep in the arms of the boy he loved, even if that boy would never love him back. 

——————————————————

Remus got back into the rhythm of classes, and sat with the Marauder’s at meal times, and conspired with them about what pranks they could pull to make Snape’s life miserable, however he also started spending more time with Lily. He found that he got along with Dorcas really well, and Marlene and him could always laugh together, (perhaps this was because she was the female version of Sirius, Remus thought. He tried to push that thought out of his head.) Alice and him had fun talking about the girly stuff that the boys always teased him about, and he and Frank spoke more, and even though they had nothing in common, he found that Frank was always there to pat him on the back when he got a good result in a test, or laugh at his jokes that perhaps only intellectuals would understand. He noticed that Sirius was behaving oddly around Remus, but perhaps Remus was behaving oddly too. He heard Sirius complaining to James that Remus wasn’t spending enough time with him when he thought that Remus was asleep.   
“He probably just needs time, mate. Shove off and go to sleep.” Is all he heard James say before he drifted off to sleep himself.

——————————————————

Remus hated getting changed in the morning and he hated showering at night. The scar that wove down his body was the worst one that he had, and he tried not to dwell on the thought that if the scars he had weren’t enough to stop him getting intimate with someone, then this one surely was. He covered himself up and ignored the fact that no one could ever love him, and it was a miracle that his friends had accepted his affliction. Even his own father couldn’t look at him for years after he was bitten.  
How could anyone else want to be with him after this?  
He tried to ignore the nagging thought, and went back to his Potions essay, trying to convince himself that if even Slughorn was married, maybe he had a chance too.  
There was a small voice in the back of his head telling him it didn’t matter, because the only person he wanted loving him was Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this! I'm trying to incorporate all my favourite aspects of the R/S relationship, and I'm focusing on the characterisation of Remus in this chapter, because he's really complex and I love the thought of his friendship with Lily's group.   
> Big metaphorical hug for Remus Lupin.


	6. Chapter 6 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmare girl, a full moon, and a realisation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FAVOURITE CHAPTER YET. I hope you love it as much as I do!

Sirius was annoyed. He knew that he has no right to be, after all, it was his fault that Remus almost died, and he did ditch him for a girl he had never spoken to before.  
Lily had insinuated that Sirius was a bit of a whore, and he couldn’t keep a girl for longer than a week, so since he had slept with Abigail, he had tried dating just her. It was boring, he thought. She was boring. He heard James tell Peter that Abi had nothing but air in her head and he couldn’t even protest, because that statement was painfully accurate.  
After the night of The Incident, as Sirius now refers to it as, he hadn’t brought Abi back to the dorm when there was a remote chance that any of the boys would be there. Remus was studying with Lily at the willow, Peter was on a walk with Mary McDonald and James was training second years who had just joined the Quidditch team, so Sirius thought that he had an hour in the dorm to himself.  
“Abi, how about my room this time?” He said, suggestively.  
“I don’t know Siri,” (he bloody hated when she called him that) “your friends are a bit… weird.” She continued.  
Sirius was filled with anger. People do NOT insult his friends. He pushed this down, because, frankly, he was lonely and had a need for touch that he could usually satisfy by leaning on Remus while he read. “I know, but they aren’t there, are they?” He smirked, trying his hardest not to sound irritated.  
“Oh, well, I guess so!” She giggled, grabbing his hand and leading him towards Gryffindor tower. She stumbled through the portrait hole into the common room, where the seventh years where studying quietly. “Wow! You’re all so focused!” She giggled. How this girl was in Ravenclaw, Sirius had no idea.  
“Shhhhh!” Hushed the seventh years, looking disdainfully at Sirius for bringing her into the tower.  
He blushed in apology, and led her up the stairs to the boys’ dorms. As soon as he opened the door, she sighed dramatically.  
“Woah, I’m glad the weeeeirdos aren’t here! Can’t have them yelling at my Siri, can we?”  
Sirius almost gagged. Siri? Why?!  
He threw her onto the bed, wanting her to just shut up, and shucked his shirt off, climbing on top of her. He started kissing her, and she grabbed the waistband of his jeans. Just as she started pulling her shirt off, Remus burst through the door.  
“Oh.” He looked shocked. Sirius turned around, a look of profuse embarrassment on his face.  
Before he could open his mouth to explain, Abi sat up. “Excuse me, we’re a bit busy in here, could you come back later?” She sounded irritated.  
Sirius mentally banged his head against the bed post and wanted to be anywhere else except where he was.  
“Well, I’m so sorry to interrupt, but this is my dorm room-“  
“And its also Siri’s, so could you, I don’t know, go? Last time I was here, you told me to get out, so now I’m asking you to do the same thing.” She huffed and crossed her arms.  
“Abi, that wasn’t him!” Sirius whispered angrily. He turned around to see a boy who looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “Remus, look, we’ll go-“  
“Actually, Siri,” Remus said, clearly just as disgusted at the nickname, “I think Abigail is correct. I’ll lie down somewhere else.” Remus cut him off.  
“Do you really need to sleep? It’s the middle of the day!” Abigail said, obnoxiously.  
Remus sighed. “Nice choice Sirius.”.  
“I’m staying the night, so please come back later.” Abigail said with an air of authority.  
“You’re staying the night are you?” He stared at Sirius and his amber eyes gleamed in the sun. “Well I guess I’ll see you in the morning!” Remus turned around.  
He slammed the door.  
Abi launched into a rant about how awful it must be to share a dorm with those boys, but Sirius just put his head in his hands.  
Fuck, he thought. Tonight’s the full.

——————————————————

An hour later, full of snogging interrupted by Abi’s complaining, Sirius announced that he had to go.  
“I can’t believe you’re ditching me for those boys!” Abigail complained while she looked in the mirror and fixed her hair. “If I wasn’t so sure I would think you didn’t love me!”  
She turned to him  
Love?! Thought Sirius. Since WHEN have we talked about LOVE?!  
Fuck, he had to get to the shack. Moonrise was in less than an hour, and he had to talk to Remus and apologise so that there wasn’t a repeat of last full moon.  
“I know, I know, but I really do have to get going,” he said, clearly exasperated.  
“I’ll come with you then! Those boys need to get used to having me around.” She winked at him.  
Bloody hell. Sirius really wanted to jump out of a window.  
“Not this time, Abs, but maybe next time?” He tried to reassure her while also ushering her out the door as quickly as possible.  
She climbed out of the portrait hole and snogged him. He felt like she was eating his face off.  
“Let’s do this tomorrow. Get those boys out so you can make me scream.” She said seductively. This would have turned Sirius on if he didn’t desperately want to throw himself down the stairs.  
“Yeah, yes, okay, I’ve got to go.” He attempted to peck her on the cheek but looked at the clock on the wall and completely missed, kissing her ear.  
“What the hell, Sirius?” She said, to his back. He was thinking the same thing. He was already bolting down the stairs. He had to get to the shack. He had to get there now.

——————————————————

It was when he reached the entrance hall that Sirius realised he didn’t have the cloak to hide under while he crossed the grounds. Fuck it, he thought, and ran into the night.  
He was panicking now. He checked his watch. 20 minutes. It would take him at least 10 to get to the willow, walking. He bolted across the grounds, not caring to check for teachers. This was Remus, His Remus. While he was running, he realised that he had no way to get to the knot at the bottom of the tree. He reached the Willow and saw a rat, scurrying up the tunnel. He transformed into Padfoot, allowed the rat to climb onto his shoulder, and sped through the passage.  
Once he reached the shack, he transformed to face a stag transforming into a boy, who yelled “What the FUCK Sirius?!”  
Sirius went to explain, but James just yelled “I don’t CARE! GET UP THERE, NOW! 3 MINUTES, YOU ABSOLUTE SHIT!”  
Sirius ran up the stairs, taking two a time, and burst into the bedroom facing a shaking boy huddled up in the corner. Remus looked up, pure terror spreading across his face.  
“I’m changing.” Remus whispered.  
“I’m sorry,” pleaded Sirius.  
“Out. Now.” Remus demanded. Sirius stared at him, slack-jawed. He watched Remus’ pupils expand.  
“SIRIUS! CHANGE!” He heard Peter yell from downstairs. Sirius tried to change, but he was frozen. He turned to Remus, only to see a wolf staring at him hungrily.  
A stag bolted into the room, knocking Sirius out the door. Sirius tried to relax enough to shift. Once he became Padfoot, he padded back into the room and bowed his head at Moony’s feet. The wolf sniffed him and growled. Moony kicked Padfoot to the side of the room, and went to sniff the rat. Once he was satisfied that the rat was pack, he turned and circled the stag. The stag bowed his head to allow Moony better access to his neck, knowing that the wolf trusted Prongs, and was just trying to make sure it was him. Once Moony had backed off, he made his way to the dog, sitting with his head down in the corner.  
Moony knocked Padfoot onto his back, and just when the stag was sure he would have to step in and knock Moony away, the wolf sniffed Padfoot’s neck, nipped him on the ear and then started affectionately licking his face.  
The rat in the corner watched on and wondered how on Earth Remus was so forgiving. 

They stayed close to the shack that night, Moony and Padfoot playing, Prongs following with Wormtail perched on his head. The stag guided Moony back to the shack shortly before moonset, with Padfoot encouraging him to follow with playful barks and light nudges. The animagi left the room while Moony transformed, which was Moony’s one rule about them coming for the moon. Once the howling had stopped and the whimpering had taken its place, Sirius went to enter the room.  
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea Sirius.” James said, sternly. Sirius ignored him made to walk up the stairs, where he found the rat, oops, where he found Peter, standing in front of the door.  
“Me first.” Peter said, opening the door and tiptoeing in. Sirius heard muffled voices from inside the bedroom, and then footsteps approaching the door. Peter nodded at Sirius. James gave him a warning glance, but Peter said “He says it’s okay.” and gestured for Sirius to go inside. 

Remus had pulled a blanket over himself, and he was shaking as he looked up at Sirius.  
“You came,” Remus whispered. The relief in his voice made Sirius feel awful. Remus thought he wouldn’t come. “You weren’t here. I thought you weren’t coming…” Remus trailed off.  
“I’ll always come. Never leaving you, remember? Not ever.”  
“But Abigail…”  
“She was bang out of line Moony, you’re the most important person in my life.” Sirius tried to apologise.  
“Well, if the wolf is okay with it, that means that somewhere deep inside, I am too.” Remus smiled at Sirius.  
Sirius almost started crying. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve someone like this. He was a horrible person who almost killed his best friend.  
“I’m so, so sorry,” Sirius started shaking as he lifted Remus onto the bed. He wouldn’t cry in front of Remus. He refused.  
“Love, it’s okay.” Remus whispered, shifting over so that Sirius could lie next to him.  
“I’m sorry.” Sirius repeated, not bothering to hold back tears.  
“I know.” Remus murmured into Sirius’ hair.  
Sirius watched Remus drift off to sleep, clinging to him, trying to express that he wouldn’t let him go.  
Remus had called him love. And he had never heard anything more right.

Fuck, he thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He loved Remus.  
“I love you.” Sirius whispered, looking up at Remus from his position lying on his chest.  
He knew Remus couldn’t hear him. He didn’t want him to.  
Remus hadn’t meant it like that, but Sirius found himself wishing that he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAA! I haven't enjoyed writing that much ever before!!  
> Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After moon shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really dislike this chapter, but it was a bridging chapter and some fluff was required to separate the angst, but it was fun to write about the Marauders laughing like they usually do :)

Remus woke up to Madam Pomfrey shaking him the morning after the moon. He felt oddly serene before the events of yesterday hit him. Abigail, Sirius barely making it for the moon, Slytherins throwing hex after hex at him while he walked across the grounds.  
“Remus, dear, I think you’ll manage to walk back to the castle with me, I’ll just place couple of temporary charms on you to make it easier,” Remus just nodded.  
“The wounds are nonexistent compared to last moon. I’m glad that whatever was plaguing you has left the wolf alone,” she smiled at him.  
He hauled himself off the bed, Pomfrey supporting him, and limped back to the castle. They entered through a concealed door to the hospital wing, and he lay down and released a breath that he didn’t realise he was holding.  
“You don’t have to leave until you’re ready, of course, but medically, you should be able to go back to the dorm tonight, provided you promise to take it easy tomorrow and let your friends help you out.” Remus felt great relief at these words, because the last thing that he needed was to explain that he was injured so soon after being ‘impaled by a broomstick’.  
Remus nodded and managed a weak smile. “Thank you Madam Pomfrey.”  
“Dear, I think we know each other well enough that you can start calling me Poppy.” She looked at him in a way only his mother had looked at him before. Her eyes showed that she truly cared for him, and he was comforted by the fact that even a sharp woman like Madam Pomfrey could relax her face just to give him a smile.  
“Okay Poppy. Thank you.”  
He lay down, and went to sleep.

When Remus woke up he almost jumped out of his skin because Sirius was an inch away from his face, staring at him quizzically.  
“God Sirius! Warn a guy!” Remus laughed.  
“You’re okay,” Sirius said, warmly.  
“Yes Padfoot, I’m okay.”  
Sirius was still close to his face and Remus had the overwhelming urge to snog that stupidly handsome face. Remus cleared his throat.  
This seemed to snap Sirius back to reality. He pulled back and awkwardly stood with his hands behind his back. “Yes, well, I thought I would check on you, and bring you this.” Sirius held out a bar of Honeydukes Finest 70% Dark Chocolate, and Remus gaped. Remus couldn’t have afforded this, and even though he knew money meant nothing to Sirius, he was still touched by the gesture.  
“Thanks, Padfoot.”  
Sirius beamed at him. “Of course Moony. I have to go to class, but I’ll be back tonight-“  
“No need-“  
“Moony, I’ll be back-“  
“Sirius! I’m staying in the dorm tonight, I’ll see you there, okay?” Sirius’ face seemed to relax at this.  
“Oh. Okay Moony. I’ll see you soon.” He smiled, and wandered out of then hospital wing.

When Moony returned to the dorm that night, he sat with Lily and went over the days work, made fun of muggle film stars with Dorcas and Marlene, and then was hauled up the stairs by the Marauders.  
“So lads, shall we fill Moony in on the adventures of last night?” James said excitedly.  
This was Remus’ favourite part about the night after the moon. The boys liked to dramatically reenact Moony’s most ridiculous feats during the full, mainly to explain to Remus where each of his off injuries came from, and usually Remus laughed so hard that his stomach hurt.  
“Yes!” Squealed Peter.  
“Sirius?” James gestured towards the dark haired boy. “Shall we begin?”  
With a flourish, Sirius bowed, and began. “So! As soon as the change occurred, Moony felt the need to kick Padfoot to other side of the room-“ Sirius broke off at Remus’ look of guilt. “I’m not finished!” He tried to explain. Remus nodded for him to continue.  
“As I was saying, Moony completely disregarded Padfoot’s presence and did he usual routine of sniffing Wormtail and Prongs, before he made his way over to Padfoot, who had so graciously submitted himself-“  
“Get ON with it Sirius!” Interjected Peter.  
“Fine, fine, Moony rolled Padfoot over, growled aggressively and then proceeded to - get this - lick his FACE!” Remus laughed because he saw that situation going very differently in his head.  
“Ah yes, Moony, ever the gentle giant!” Added James. “We bounded down the stairs of the shack, where Prongs got his antler caught on a banister and accidentally threw Wormtail down the stairs!” James continued.  
“Hey! That hurt!” Peter huffed.  
“ANYWAY,” Sirius interrupted, “Moony raced out the door and immediately ran into a tree. He then proceeded to fight with said tree, hence, the shoulder scratch.” Remus had wondered how that happened. He laughed at the image of a wolf running into a tree, fighting it as if it was a predator.  
“Padfoot, ever the saviour, started scratching the tree also, and Prongs scratched it with his antlers, further proving that we are the best pack ever in animal history!” Sirius exclaimed.  
“Wait, so you attacked an innocent tree? We all attacked an innocent tree?” Remus said, making Peter laugh.  
“I would like to add that once the tree was effectively destroyed, Padfoot ushered Moony away to roll in a pile of leaves.” Peter added.  
“Moony then had a great time chasing a rabbit, and accidentally stepped on Wormtail in the process-“  
“Seriously guys, these things HURT!” Peter complained.  
“And Moony abandoned the rabbit and spent a considerable amount of time licking Wormtail in what I’m sure he thought was a show of affection.” Sirius finished.  
“It was bloody disgusting,” Peter muttered, making Remus laugh.  
“Moony was a clumsy wolf that night, tripping over Padfoot-“ Remus glanced apologetically towards Sirius “-and that, dear Remus, is where every other injury came from.” Finished James.  
Sirius could tell Remus was about to cry.  
“Remus?”  
“Sorry, sorry, I’m just glad all of this was from stupid trees instead of… well. You know.” Remus said.  
“We had a wicked time mate, don’t stress.” James said.  
“Easy for you to say, you weren’t thrown down the stairs and licked extensively!” Peter said, not even trying to hide his amusement.  
The boys talked for a while longer, before they settled into their beds. 

Remus lay away for a long time that night. He had a dream that when Sirius lay with him that morning, he had said he loved him It was a dream that made him wake up, feeling like he was floating on a cloud, and then his. world came crashing down around him.  
Remus had his friends back. It was Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.  
He couldn’t love him anymore. Remus needed to move on.

He wanted to know what Sirius was thinking. He slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY excited for the next chapter, there will be a big insight into Sirius' mind and there will be some angst and I can't wait aaaa!


	8. Chapter 8 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of angst for your weekend :)

Over the next few days, Sirius caught himself staring at Remus a lot. He started noticing small things, like the sparkle of his eyes, and the warmth of his smile. He also found himself feeling strangely jealous when Remus would tell him that he couldn’t talk, because he needed to study, or was planning on seeing Lily, or helping Peter through his DADA homework. It was odd, Sirius thought. Very odd. 

Since he had realised that he was in love, Sirius decided that he would send some signals to Remus, and see if he picked up on them. He would brush Remus’ hair out of his face (and catch him blushing?), he would offer to carry Remus’ books if it looked like he was in pain. None of this was working. He needed something more obvious, to show Remus that he should have feelings for Sirius. He started by climbing into Remus’ bed in the middle of the night. This was a regular occurrence, because Sirius had nightmares about his family that left him shaking for hours. This time, however, was different.   
Sirius pulled back the curtain, and nudged Remus awake. “Moony?” He questioned.  
Remus looked up. “Padfoot. Are you alright? Nightmares?”  
This is your moment, thought Sirius. “No actually… no nightmares. Can I get in with you?”  
Remus looked incredibly confused, but eventually just shrugged and shifted over, saying “Here. Get in.”  
Sirius let Remus wrap his arm around him, and fell into the best sleep he’d had in years.

When Sirius woke up the next morning, he was in Remus’ bed. He looked around. Where was Remus? This was the entire point of the signal! Waking up next to each other is meant to be romantic! He was meant to see Sirius in the morning, shirtless, looking dishevelled yet incredibly handsome. Sirius was annoyed that his plan didn’t work, but he took solace in the fact that he could try again tonight, and that there was nothing that proved Remus didn’t want to do… this, with him.

Sirius had showered, styled his hair (James scoffed at him), thrown on his most ripped pair of muggle jeans and psyched himself up for another day of seducing his Moony. Sirius always took pride in his appearance, but he wanted to look extra good today. He knew that Remus didn’t care, but he wanted to show Remus that he deserved nothing but the best. As he walked into the common room, he could’ve sworn that Lily gave him the slightest smile when he looked her way. He joined Marlene on the stairs. She hadn’t been in class for a few days, and it was nice to see her. Before he found out that she was gay, he had always thought that she was perfect for him, because they were both complete disasters. Incredibly attractive disasters, but disasters nonetheless. They chatted about meaningless things on the way down the stairs, and for the first time since The Incident he felt like he wasn’t a burden on his friends. Sirius mentioned that Remus had helped him with charms the other day, and he watched as Marlene’s face lit up.  
“God, I love that boy so much. You’re blessed he’s friends with you, you know?” She addressed Sirius, not meeting his eyes.  
Sirius smiled to himself. “Yeah, yeah I am.”

Sirius had prepared himself to walk into the Great Hall and slide into the seat next to Remus, when he walked in after Marlene and saw Remus’ eyes light up. Sirius flushed with warmth, and began to smile back.  
“Remus!” Marlene yelled and ran into his arms.  
He picked her up and laughed. “Hey Marly, I’m glad you’re back on your feet.” He smiled down at her and kissed her on the forehead. Sirius’ blushing face turned red with anger. Marly? Hugging? Kissing on foreheads?!  
He took a moment to breathe. Remus was a boy, gay. Marlene, a girl, also gay. In theory he had nothing to be jealous of, but he felt sick thinking about Remus smiling sitting at the breakfast table without him.  
Lily brushed past Sirius on the way into the Hall. “Calm down, Black, you’re about to combust.” She said over her shoulder, with a smirk. Sirius collected himself, content on wooing Remus, and sat down in the Hall. Remus moved over to make space for him, and smiled at him widely.   
Remus was in the middle of an animated conversation with Frank about the benefits of Unicorn Hair in Elm wands (Remus was for, Frank was against) and Sirius found himself tapping Remus on the arm in a plea for attention.  
Remus turned his head and whispered to Sirius. “Just one second, yeah? We can talk all you like.” Remus finished, returning to his conversation.  
Sirius had always had the patience of a child. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot against the ground until Marlene elbowed him. “Will you stop it! Merlin Sirius, I know you’re jealous but you’re acting like a petulant child!”   
Jealous? He was NOT jealous. Sirius Black didn’t get jealous. 

That was when he started spiralling.  
Firstly, he thought, Sirius Black could have anyone that he wanted. He did not need to WASTE his time waiting for someone who didn’t have the time to speak to him at breakfast, someone who didn’t wait for him to wake up in the morning, someone who didn’t even notice that he was completely obsessed with him! Sirius Black was the object of every girl at Hogwarts’ affection. And, he thought, Sirius Black wasn’t gay! He wasn’t a poof, he wasn’t going to be laughed at for that. He was the notorious ladies’ man. That’s just how things are.  
He hadn’t spoken to Abi much recently. They hadn’t broken up, per se, they had just been slightly distant ever since the night of the full. He would think that she noticed that he was blatantly flirting with Remus, if not for the fact that she was quite possibly the most dimwitted Ravenclaw ever to attend Hogwarts. Speaking of Abi, he felt soft arms wrap around his neck and a familiar voice whispering “Hey, Siri,” as she nuzzled into his neck. He turned to smile at her. See? He thought. She wants me! “Do you want to make use of my empty dorm?” She whispered into his neck. He immediately picked up his book bag and made to stand up. Then Lily caught his eye. She was sitting opposite him, and she glared absolute daggers at him as she stared him down, flicking her eyes towards Remus as he stood up. He pushed down the feeling of immense guilt as he stood up and let Abi lead him out of the hall. 

He missed Remus looking at him as he left, immense sadness in his eyes.

—————————————————

It was a sunny Saturday, despite the fact that it was getting colder. He had left Abi’s dorm, in a post-sex daze, and feeling incredibly guilty. He wandered down to the lake, hoping he could bask in the sun and perhaps have a kip by the water. On the way down to the lake, he felt a hand on his wrist, forcing him to turn around.  
He was faced with a fuming Lily Evans. “Alright. I genuinely thought that you were finally growing up, Sirius. What the fuck is wrong with you? Leading Remus on all week and then parading your girlfriend, who is an idiot, might I add-“ Sirius didn’t have a retort for that. “and going up to fuck her when Remus finally thought that he had a chance? He watched you all the way out of the hall, by the way, and then ran off. We haven’t been able to find him for hours! Honestly, just when I think that you’ve matured in the slightest, you pull shitty stunts like this and remind me all over again-“  
Sirius cut her off. “He doesn’t like me, Lily! He doesn’t pay attention to me, he always finds a way to turn my obvious romantic gestures into friendly ones-“  
“Oh my god! Are you honestly that dense?” Sirius stared at her. “He’s scared! He’s scared that you’ll hurt him, and I assured him that this time you wouldn’t, but guess what, I was wrong! I’m done with you Sirius, and I’m honestly shocked that he isn’t done with you too.”   
Sirius went to speak before Lily chimed in, “And parading poor Abigail around like that! She has three brain cells and she will never notice the fact that you’re using her to make Remus jealous. Is that it? Or maybe you’re using her to satisfy your teenage hormones that constantly demand sex. I don’t care why you’re doing it. But you’re being an insolent child. Actually beyond that,” she glared at him with pure rage “you’re acting like a Black.”  
She stormed off, back to the castle, and he couldn’t help but notice her joining James on the way in.

Fuck. He had fucked up. He had fucked up, big time. He had to find Remus.

—————————————————

After searching for an hour, in the library, in the common room, in the dorms, at the astronomy tower, Sirius had almost given up.  
He wandered back down to the lake, thinking that maybe Remus had brought a book down, like he had so many sunny Saturday afternoons.  
Sirius spotted the tall, golden haired figure that he would recognise anywhere, even from behind. He picked up his pace, not even sure what he was going to say, before he registered that Remus was sitting with another boy, one that he didn’t recognise from behind. Sirius pushed down the feeling of jealousy, knowing that maybe he had a chance, and continued towards the boys. It felt like he had been walking forever, when he saw them both stand up. This was his time.   
Sirius stopped in his tracks. He boy had grabbed Remus’ hand, and kissed him on the cheek. He saw the distinct blush on Remus’ cheeks as the other boy walked towards the castle. He passed Sirius, and nodded at him. Sirius realised that it was Sebastian Pence, someone that even Sirius could admit was almost more good looking than himself.   
He stalked towards Remus, and Remus turned around looking oddly guilty, before his face turned to one of complete stone-cold indifference.  
Sirius was confused at the drastic change of demeanour, when he felt arms wrap around his waist from behind. He heard the voice of his ex-girlfriend Amanda (Amanda?) whisper in his ear. He didn’t take in what she was saying. All he could think, was Bloody. Fucking. Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter makes up for the shitty last one! The plot is actually intensifying!!!


	9. Chapter 9 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hogsmeade, Remus has a date, and Sirius is STILL an idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long one! I really like writing about happy Remus and I can't wait until I get to write about happy Sirius AND Remus

Remus had been asked on a date. Sure, it wasn’t by Sirius, but it was by one of the most attractive boys in all of Hogwarts, a seventh year called Sebastian Pence.  
To get the Sirius… ‘stuff’ out of the way, Sirius had been leading Remus on all week, and part of him thought that it must be a prank of some sort, because the things that Sirius had been doing alluded to nothing other than romantic gestures. He had climbed into his bed for no good reason! Furthermore, he had actually admitted that it was for no good reason… Remus had done his utmost to ignore this, but in all honesty he had been enjoying being the focus of Sirius’ attention. The boy who usually couldn’t divide his time between James, his girlfriends, pranks and quidditch, had been devoting all his time to Remus. Remus forced himself to ignore it.  
Lily had told him that she had noticed it too. She doesn’t like Sirius, she assured him, but it did appear that he was genuinely trying to be especially nice, just to Remus. Remus had confessed that he was scared, but she reluctantly informed him that she thought that maybe this time he wouldn’t hurt him. He would see how it goes, he told her. 

During the week, Sebastian Pence had approached him and asked for help in Ancient Runes. Remus found this odd.  
“I’m flattered, but I’m only sixth year! Isn’t there someone more qualified to help you?” Remus questioned.   
“I’ve been told that you’re the first and only student to achieve 112% in an Ancient Runes exam, a NEWT level exam, no less. I’m struggling Remus!” Sebastian laughed.  
Remus blushed. “Okay. When do you want to do this?” He smiled.  
“How about Friday night? Library? Those tables by the restricted section?” Sebastian suggested.  
“Alright. That’s good for me. I’ll see you then?”   
“Yeah, Remus. I’ll see you then.” Sebastian smiled warmly at Remus as he retreated to the seventh year dorms.   
Remus smiled fondly at the memory. That night had gone exceptionally well, and he had managed to help Sebastian enormously in a short amount of time, leaving the boys to talk about everything from Quidditch to stupid things they had done in their childhood. Sebastian, like Remus, had a muggle mother, and a father that worked for the ministry. Sebastian brought up the Wolfsbane potion, When Remus revealed that his father worked for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Remus froze up. Sebastian ignored this and announced that he hoped one day he could help develop this potion more, and promote Werewolves, Vampires and other ‘half-breeds’ (for want of a better word, he said) as being accepted in Wizarding Society. Remus heartily agreed, and for the first time he had a serious crush on someone, (well, his first crush on someone who might actually like him back) and this someone was passionate about the inclusion of Werewolves in society. He wasn’t planning on telling Sebastian his secret anytime soon, if ever, but it was a relief that if he found out, he wouldn’t hate him for it. They walked back up to the common room that night.  
“I had a really, really good time Remus,” Sebastian said, blushing slightly himself, “and I thought maybe we could hang out again?”  
Remus couldn’t remember feeling happier in recent history. “That sounds really nice Seb. Maybe with a little less Ancient Runes?” Remus could not believe those words came out of his mouth. That was by far the most confident he had ever sounded in front of someone who he had the slightest amount of romantic interest in.   
“That’s exactly what I was hoping.” Sebastian smiled nervously. “Do you want to talk, tomorrow by the lake?”  
Remus nodded, perhaps too enthusiastically. “2 o’clock?”  
“Yeah. Sounds good.” Sebastian grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Night, Re.”  
“Night, Seb.”  
Remus wandered up to his dorm and shut the curtains, tight. He drifted off to sleep, and hoped Sirius didn’t come in that night.

———————————————

Remus woke up with Sirius in his bed the next morning. Usually, he would take this opportunity to watch Sirius sleep in an incredibly creepy way, but this morning he got up and had a shower. He took extra care with his hair, and was suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that Sebastian hadn’t asked where his scars came from, and Remus had had his sleeves rolled up last night. He smiled in the mirror, and it said “Why so happy, dear?”  
Usually the mirror was a right bitch to anyone who looked at it, so he said “Someone likes me.”  
“Well, you look nice dear. Out you go.”  
Slightly shocked, Remus laughed and crept silently into the dorm, hoping not to wake Sirius. James and Peter had already gone down to breakfast, so Remus considered dressing in a more fashionable way than usual, and then gave up and threw on his jeans and a warm cardigan. He was comfortable. He looked in the large mirror, not entirely disgusted by what he saw (a first), glanced at Sirius, and proceeded to walk all the way down to the Great Hall trying his hardest NOT to think about Sirius.

At breakfast, Lily commented on how happy Remus looked. After she said this, James and Peter glanced over and quickly agreed.  
“You’ve looked like shit since the moon before last! I’m glad you’re good mate.” James whispered as he nudged his shoulder.   
Remus got into a heated debate about wands, a subject he knew an awful lot about, and was reminded why it was nice to talk to Frank. He knew stuff that most people just didn’t.  
Remus heard Marlene all the way from the stairwell. She had been in the hospital wing all week, and was making use of the fact that she could speak without coughing by talking incredibly loudly. He had visited her a lot, and they had grown closer.  
He stood up to greet her. She beamed at him and gave him a massive hug, before she settled in next to Dorcas and kissed her on the cheek. Sirius had walked in behind Marlene, looking particularly murderous, especially for a Saturday morning. He made to sit next to Remus, so Remus moved over, and continued his discussion with Frank. Sirius irritatingly poked him, and Remus calmly assured him that he would have his attention soon. Sebastian aside, it felt nice having Sirius dote on him. Just as he finished his debate with Frank (he won), Remus turned to see Abigail wrapped around Sirius. Of course. He knew he was only a toy for Sirius to play with while he and Abi were on hiatus, but it still felt shit to have it rubbed in his face. She whispered something about an empty dorm room, and Remus watched Sirius stand up and let Abi lead him out of the hall. Remus stood up. Suddenly he didn’t feel hungry anymore.

He walked out of the great hall, towards the astronomy tower for a muggle cigarette. No-one knew that he smoked these, and no-one was going to find out. They just helped him relax, and it felt like a small bit of rebellion that he had, all for himself. Sirius always had a way of making him question himself.  
He lit another cigarette and forced himself to think of Sebastian. 

——————————————

Remus was sitting by the lake at 2, when Sebastian came and sat next to him.  
“Hey, you,” Sebastian said, nudging his shoulder.  
“Hey Seb.” Remus smiled at him. He noticed Sebastian’s eyes. Blue, but almost grey. He forced himself not to think of Sirius.  
“How are you?” Seb asked.  
They launched into conversation, and Remus alluded to the fact that he was getting over someone. He felt like it was only fair for Sebastian to know.  
“Well, I’m happy to help you get over them.” Sebastian smiled and reached for Remus’ hand.  
They had been talking for hours, when Sebastian announced that he had to go back to the castle because he promised to help some first years with Transfiguration. Who was this guy?! Remus laughed at himself.  
“What?” Sebastian smirked.  
“You know, just you.” Remus was flirting. He even shocked himself.  
Sebastian laughed. “Hogsmeade is next weekend. Do you want to go together?”  
Remus stalled. Hogsmeade dates usually include Madam Puddifoots and an awful lot of awkward silence. Sebastian could tell he was overthinking.  
“Hey, definitely no Madam Puddifoot’s and no public ‘togetherness’ if you don’t want.”  
Remus relaxed at this and reached for his hand. “Yeah, okay. I’d like that.”   
They stood up and Seb kissed him on the cheek. Remus blushed. “You’re cute.” Seb stated, and he headed back to the castle.   
Remus could feel eyes on him, so he turned around to see a slack-jawed Sirius staring at him. He almost felt guilty. He knew that it was completely unreasonable, because Sirius had done nothing but torment him for a week, but he felt guilty all the same.  
That was until a brunette of an ex-girlfriend wrapped her hands around Sirius’ waist. He can’t even be bloody loyal, Remus thought. He felt his face change, and lay back in the, admittedly cold, sunshine.

—————————————-

The next week was full of stolen glances with Sebastian, and he explained to Lily, James and Peter that he was going on a date, much to Lily’s pleasure and James and Peter’s amusement.  
“WHAT is so funny?!” He exclaimed.  
“We’re not amused, we’re just deliriously happy for you.” James said. The way that he said it, and the way that Peter nodded, Remus knew they were being completely honest.   
Remus smiled at them. “Thank you.” He paused. “And I would really appreciate if you didn’t-“  
“Tell Sirius. Course not mate.” James completed. Remus was confused.  
“He would just try and ruin it,” said Lily.  
“We don’t know why mate, but ever since last week he’s had it out for Sebastian.” Added Peter.  
So it wasn’t just him! Remus knew that Sirius had been behaving oddly, and he was glad it wasn’t just him imagining it.  
“Thank you.”

—————————————-

Hogsmeade had arrived, and Remus had had to deal with Sirius spouting all kinds of bullshit about his sexual endeavours. Whether he was talking about Abigail or Amanda or another member of his entourage, Remus wasn’t sure, but he found himself so happy that he didn’t even care. He did catch that Sirius was going to Hogsmeade with Abigail today, much to Remus’ relief, because it meant that he would stay well and truly out of his and Sebastian’s way.  
He met Sebastian outside the castle, and Sebastian didn’t try to hold Remus’ hand, much to his relief. They did look at each other very fondly, causing a third year gay couple walking past them to smile at them, which filled Remus’ heart with warmth.  
Once they reached the village, Sebastian suggested they head into the three broomsticks. It was late November, and getting cold, so a warm butterbeer is just what they needed.  
Remus got them a table, close to the back, because he wasn’t quite ready to parade his homosexuality in front of the entire pub, but he was still happy when Sebastian reached over to hold his hand.  
Remus was having a really, really good time, if he did say so himself.   
Until a raven-haired idiot wandered over to their table, his dimwitted girlfriend in tow.  
Remus felt like banging his head against the table. He mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ to Sebastian, who just smiled and mouthed ‘It’s okay’ in return.  
Sirius threw himself next to Sebastian and gestured for Abi to sit next to Remus.   
“So! How are we doing!” Sirius exclaimed.  
“Sirius, now is not the time. Please can you just leave us? We’re actually having a private chat-“  
“By all means, continue!’ Sirius reached for Abi’s hand and held it in the same fashion Remus had been holding Sebastian’s before.  
Remus held an enormous amount of respect for Sebastian for what he said next. “Well, we were actually talking about the denomination of Ancient Runes compared with the numeration of the more modern runes used in today’s society,” Sebastian stated, enthusiastically. Remus tried his hardest not to laugh. They had been talking about Filch and whether he was in a relationship with Mrs Norris. “What are your thoughts on the matter, Sirius?”  
Sirius looked shocked.  
“Abigail?” Sebastian asked.  
“Well my daddy says that Ancient Runes is a subject for people who want to get a job in stupid areas of the ministry! Like the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures-“  
Sirius quickly tried to change the subject, as soon as he heard ‘magical creatures’ mentioned. “Honestly, I much prefer Arithmancy to Ancient Runes,” he tried to explain.  
“Honestly, that department is so stupid! We don’t need regulation for stuff like vampires and kelpies and” she dramatically shuddered “werewolves! Just kill them all! They just make society worse.” She finished.  
Remus looked at Sirius with a mix of disappointment and rage.  
Sebastian quickly changed the subject, sensing Remus’ discomfort. “Anyway, we were discussing how the denomination of Ancient Runes actually makes an awful lot more sense than the newer numeration, because-“  
“Wouldn’t you just kill them, Siri?” Abi stared at Sirius. He paused.  
“Well, Siri, would you just kill them?” Remus asked Sirius, deadpanned.   
Before Sirius could open his mouth, Sebastian grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled him up. “Wow! It’s been lovely talking to you guys, but I’ve just realised it’s already 3 and we have to visit Zonkos, Honeydukes, and I need a new quill!” Sebastian stated calmly. “Come on, Rem,” he said quietly to Remus. “Not worth it.”  
Remus grabbed Sebastian’s hand and pulled him out of the pub.   
Standing in the snow, Remus was on the brink of tears. How could Sirius let someone talk about things like that? And say nothing?  
“Hey, hey, come here,” Sebastian whispered, pulling Remus into a hug.  
Remus whimpered. “I just don’t understand how she can think things like that and how Sirius can let her say things like that when I’m his best friend and it’s just not fair and I can’t tell you why it hurts so much and I-“  
Sebastian kissed Remus.  
They kissed until Remus had forgotten about everything else.  
Remus pulled away, a questioning look on his face.  
“I had to shut you up,” Sebastian laughed. “Do you want to go to Honeydukes?”  
Remus smiled at him. “Yeah, yeah I do.”  
Sebastian grabbed Remus’ hand and they trudged through the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter after next is POV Lily, James and Peter! Cant wait


	10. Chapter 10 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is fuming, Sirius feels guilty, and Remus is forgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this one! Still pretty angsty but I've got some happier chapters written.

Remus was dragging Sebastian out of the Three Broomsticks. Sirius knew it was a bad idea to interrupt their date in the first place, but his jealousy had overtaken him and he had headed to the pub, dragging Abi along with him.   
When she started talking about werewolves, and how they should be put down, he was about to lose it. The look on Remus’ face was enough for Sirius to want to kill anyone who caused him to look like that, and it was his own girlfriend responsible for the terror in Remus’ eyes. When Remus’ had asked him that question, whether he agreed with Abigail, he had frozen. Once Sebastian had tried to get Remus out of the pub, Sirius tried to be angry, but all he felt was ashamed. Abi was going on about something or other, and all Sirius could do was watch Remus leave. He put his head in his hands and tried to drown out Abi’s voice and ignore the overwhelming shame that was surrounding him.   
It was when Abi yelled “Oh my! Look!” And pointed out the window that Sirius was snapped out of his daze.  
He looked in the direction of Abi’s pointed finger and saw Remus and Sebastian standing outside the pub. Snogging. Sirius wanted to scream.  
He let himself be angry until Remus pulled away, because once he had, Sebastian reached up and wiped a tear off his face. This was Sirius’ fault, he thought. He had made him cry. He had let some idiot blonde make Remus question whether Sirius thought that Remus should be put down, for god’s sake. Sirius thought that he knew what it felt like to feel ashamed, but this was different. He hadn’t known guilt until now.  
Abi was still talking, and eventually Sirius just got up and left the Three Broomsticks, getting away from her as quickly as possible, and walked in the direction of the Shrieking Shack. No one came this way, because the shack was haunted, after all, and Sirius felt like he could get some peace and quiet.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting on the rock. The snow had started burying his feet and he couldn’t feel his hands. He heard someone coming, and assuming it was a couple of third years seeing if the legend of the shack was real, he took out a chocolate frog and started nibbling on it.   
Then he heard a familiar voice, yelling “WHAT. THE. FUCK.”. Lily Evans. For once, he agreed with her.  
He was too ashamed to look at her, so she walked around until she was facing him. He thought that he had seen the pinnacle of Lily’s anger that day she slapped him in the Great Hall, but that was nothing, NOTHING, compared to this.  
“I want to be angry with you, Black, but I’m seriously concerned about whether you’re right in the head. Because no sane person would do to Remus what you just did. No sane person would cause their best friend to question whether the person that he cares about the most even wants him alive. No fucking sane person would use a blonde dimwit as ammunition to sabotage the first date that Remus has ever had, the first time that Remus had ever thought that maybe, just maybe, someone could like him. So tell me, Black-“ Sirius wanted to tell her not to call him that, but even he felt like he deserved it. “are you not right in the head? Or are you just a complete, and utter, bastard?”  
“How did you find out?” Sirius croaked. He didn’t know how to answer her and this was the first thing he thought to say.  
“Dorcas and Marlene were at the table behind you. They heard everything.”  
He wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out for a very long time.  
“You know, to an outsider, it would seem like I’m a real bitch to you. Like all I do is lecture you, and I’m just holding on to my vendetta against you and Potter. The funny thing is, Black, I let go of that a while ago. James may follow me around and be a general pain in my arse, but Sirius? If you took a minute and actually about how life has been since this year started for Remus, you’d notice that he had his best friend abandon him resulting in him almost dying, he’s had to walk in on said best friend with the girl who he was abandoned for, he’s had to watch said best friend lead him on and make him think he has a chance with him, then watch said best friend leave to fuck other girls right in front of him, he’s had to listened to said best friend’s graphic descriptions of his sex life, and now he has had SAID BEST FRIEND try to RUIN the first chance at a relationship with someone who actually appreciates him on his FIRST DATE!”  
It sounded really, really bad when she says it like that, Sirius thought. He was just glad she didn’t bring up last year’s Prank.  
“I don’t know what to say,” Sirius muttered.  
Lily sat down on the rock next to him, looking almost sympathetic. “I don’t know if there is anything you can say, Sirius. Remus will forgive you, because he loves you too much not to, but you’ve just got to stop. You’re destroying him. And he might forgive you, but I hope you know that a hell of a lot of people heard what happened today and I’m not sure they will.”   
“Will you?” Sirius whispered, looking up at Lily.  
She just shook her head. “Get your shit together, Black.”  
She stood up and walked away, leaving Sirius feeling disgusting.

——————————————————

James didn’t speak to Sirius the day after Hogsmeade. Neither did Peter. Marlene, Dorcas, Alice and Frank didn’t speak to him for three, and Sirius doubted that Lily would ever speak to him again. He deserved it, he supposed.   
Remus expertly avoided Sirius for a few days after Hogsmeade, too. Sirius watched on as Remus held Sebastian’s hand, or lay against him in the common room, or let Seb kiss him goodnight. Sirius went up to the astronomy tower to get away from all of this, only to see Remus and Sebastian snogging near the telescopes.  
Sirius hadn’t spoken to Abi since the Three Broomsticks. Every time she had tried to get his attention he had ‘remembered he had somewhere to be’, but he couldn’t bring himself to break up with her. The only thing worse than the thought of upsetting Remus, was the thought of being alone if Remus decided not to forgive him.  
A few days before the signups to declare whether or not you were staying at Hogwarts for Christmas were released, Remus and Sirius had their first conversation in a week.   
“So, Sirius, how have you been?” Remus said nonchalantly, while leaning against the window in the dorms.  
“I’ve been, well, you know.” Sirius answered. You know? Seriously?  
Sirius looks up to see Remus… lighting a muggle cigarette?! “I didn’t know you smoked!” Sirius gasped.  
“Yeah, don’t tell anyone. It just helps with the stress.” Remus responded, flicking ash out the window.   
Sirius opened and closed his mouth in an impressive imitation of a clownfish. How did Remus look so fucking hot? Sirius had smoked before, but only in the presence of the Marauders and none of them ever asked for a drag. Sirius decided then and there that there was nothing more attractive than Remus Lupin lazily smoking at 5 in the afternoon.  
“Ah, right.” Sirius managed. He moved closer to slightly inhale the second hand smoke. Remus pointedly didn’t offer Sirius a cigarette of his own.  
“Anyway, how’s Abi?” Remus asked, with a surprising lack of sarcasm in his voice.  
“Listen, Moony, I’m so sorry about that-“  
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Remus waved him off, taking another drag.  
Sirius had seen him crying and had noticed Remus avoiding him, and he knew that it was most definitely not fine and he should certainly worry about it, but thought it was just safer to let the topic pass.  
“How’s Seb?” Sirius asked, trying to keep a steady voice free of jealousy.  
“Yeah, he’s good. We’re official now.” Remus added.  
Sirius tried his hardest to sound happy for him. “That’s so great! I’m really happy for you.” Attempting his most authentic smile, the dark haired boy looked up at Remus.  
If Remus noticed that Sirius had just given him the fakest smile this side of Wales, he ignored it. “Yeah, it’s pretty great.” Remus opened the packet of cigarettes, and pulled another out. “Want one?” He asked, offering the packet to Sirius.  
This seemed like a gesture of peace to Sirius, so he reached out and took one. “Thanks, Moony.”   
“Welcome, Padfoot.”  
They smoked in silence until James and Peter burst in and revealed how they were planning to make the Slytherins’ lives miserable for the next week. They both sighed and joined the two on the floor.  
“Alright. How are we going to do it?” Remus smirked. Sirius made eye contact with him, and smirked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is James, Peter and Lily's POVs!
> 
> Also please leave me comments if you like this! Or don't like it! Feedback helps heaps :)


	11. Chapter 11 - James, Peter and Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some new POVs!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved fleshing out James and particularly Peter's character in this chapter. There's a bit of Lily, but we know a lot about her already and there's more to come.
> 
> Read end notes for some hints about the next chapters!

J a m e s and P e t e r

Since James heard about what Sirius had done at the Three Broomsticks, he had admittedly lost quite a bit of respect for his brother. He knew that something had been going on between Sirius and Remus, but he chose to ignore it, because what was between them, was between them. He always had a sneaking suspicion that Remus fancied Sirius, and honestly, James didn’t blame him, because even as a Heterosexual Male he could admit that Sirius was hot.   
Since the morning after the moon that Sirius ALMOST missed, James had an even greater suspicion that Sirius fancied Remus, quite a lot at that. It was abundantly clear that he did, actually. He would climb into Remus’ bed even when he wasn’t having nightmares, he would touch him even more than usual, and kept cancelling on literally everyone and everything else just to spend time with Moony. James didn’t have a problem with this, because he loved his two best mates and if they wanted to be poofs then he couldn’t care less. He didn’t have a problem with it until it got hostile. Moony didn’t believe that Padfoot was interested in him, and James could see why. Sirius flirted with Remus, and then disappeared with Abi to fuck right in front of him. James decided early on that he wasn’t going to pick sides if this whole thing went downhill, but that didn’t meant he didn’t know a dick move when he saw one. James watched Remus pine as Sirius walked out the door with Abi, and then shake it off once he was gone. It seemed like everything was going to be fine.  
Then Remus went and got himself a date.

Sebastian Pence had asked him out. James quite liked Sebastian. They had talked a few times, and Sebastian used to be on the Quidditch team when James was in fourth year, and he was a good guy and an incredible beater. He could tell that Seb really liked Moony. Remus deserves this, James thought. He deserves to be happy, especially when, given his furry little problem, he never really felt he had a chance for love. Remus had told Lily, Peter and James that he had a date and has asked them not to tell Sirius. James didn’t want to say it, but he thought that not telling Sirius was a good idea, because ever since he had seen Seb and Remus by the lake he had glared at Sebastian all week. Sirius had complained to James that night.  
“James, I don’t understand what he sees in him! He’s an uptight, bookish, poncy shirt-lifter! Remus deserves better!” James remembers thinking no, you think Remus deserves you, but he thought that would only add fuel to the fire.  
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed Padfoot, but Moony is a bookish, poncy shirt-lifter, and he’s your best mate,” James pointed out. Sirius huffed at this and crossed his arms.   
“I just don’t think he should flirt with him, that’s all.” James didn’t want to know what Sirius would say if he found out that the two were going to Hogsmeade together. He definitely didn’t want to find out.  
“Let him be Padfoot. Moony is happy, and you should be happy for him.”  
Sirius frowned and lay down, muttering “I’m going to sleep” before violently pulling the curtains shut.

The night before the Hogsmeade visit, Peter had let slip that Remus was going with Sebastian. Remus was already asleep at this point, luckily, meaning Sirius couldn’t interrogate him. James watched Sirius stomp around the dormitory before he slipped into his bed. In the morning, Remus was practically beaming from the moment he woke up. Sirius sulked around the dorm before getting dressed and wandering out, saying something about needing to find Abigail. Why he hadn’t given up on her, James didn’t know. Whether it was to prove a point or whether it was so that he had some amusement and a good fuck sometimes, James didn’t care, as long as he didn’t need to spend time with her himself. She was a nightmare, something that everyone in James’ friend group could agree on. James walked down to Hogsmeade with Peter, meeting Lily on the way down.  
Oh, Lily, James thought. Beautiful, amazing, smart, lovely Lily Evans. She had begun talking to him, and the two were becoming good friends, or at least she was hexing him less and laughing with him rather than at him. That was a win in James’ book.

Remus and Sebastian walked in front of them as they headed to the wizarding village. Remus looked happier than James had seen him all school year, and that made him smile, because Remus deserved happiness more than anyone he knew. Once they reached Hogsmeade, Lily wandered off with Alice, while Marlene and Dorcas went to the Three Broomsticks, promising to meet up later. Peter and James went to Zonkos, needing to stock up on Dungbongs to effectively make Snape’s life miserable. Peter and James left Zonkos, heading to Honeydukes, when they were stopped by a very angry Lily Evans, with a fuming Marlene and a crying Dorcas in tow. This look of rage was usually reserved for James after he had hexed Snape silly, and he hadn’t seen the look since last year.   
“…Lily?” James questioned, scared to make assumptions at the risk of making her even angrier.  
“Your best friend is a bastard!” She yelled. “Talk to him! Before I kill him myself!” She stalked off, looking determined, leaving James and Peter mystified.  
“Um, guys, what happened?” Peter asked Marlene and Dorcas.  
The girls told James and Peter, word for word, what had happened between Sebastian, Abigail, Remus and Sirius in the Three Broomsticks.  
Despite promising himself that James wouldn’t take sides, he had to admit that what Sirius had done, and let Abi do, was downright outrageous and completely unacceptable. Peter was standing there, his jaw on the floor, while Dorcas was sobbing into Marlene’s shoulder.  
“It’s- just- not- fair!” She sobbed. “He- didn’t- do- anything- wrong!” Marlene whispered in her ear and she seemed to relax.  
James knew that the girls had no idea why the topic of werewolves affected Remus so much, so he was left wondering why Dorcas was so upset.  
“Dorcas, why are you crying?” Peter asked blatantly.  
“My uncle’s- a-“ she burst into tears again. “P-please don’t t-tell anyone,” she pleaded.   
“Merlin, of course not. We would never.” James reassured her.   
“He didn’t even correct Abi! The fuck is wrong with him?!” Marlene fumed.   
“We have to find Remus.” Stated Peter.  
James nodded at him. “Dorcas, it’s okay, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your uncle and his condition, and we wouldn’t want anything to happen to him, unless it involved doing something to make it easier. Only dimwits like Abigail would ever think that.” James said to Dorcas.  
“Yeah.” Added Peter.  
“See babe? It’s going to be fine. We’ll avoid Abi-“  
“And we will pull a fucking epic prank that leaves her with horns for a week!” Peter said excitedly.   
Dorcas chuckled and rested against Marlene, who mouthed ‘thank you’ and smiled as the boys went to find Remus.

“Could I be the first to say, what the fuck?” Peter said.  
Peter was beyond angry. He had seen all week the torture that Sirius was putting Remus through, and the news that Sebastian had asked Remus out was the best thing he could imagine at the time. He wished that Remus would realise that Sirius liked him, but he also wished that Sirius would stop, because he would end up hurting Remus and Peter couldn’t stand that. Sirius had hurt Remus enough in the past two months, he didn’t need to make it worse.  
Peter decided he would stay out of it, partly because he simply couldn’t be bothered, and partly because Sirius would deny liking Remus and there was no point even trying.  
He thought that once Remus had Sebastian, Sirius would back off. He had Abigail, and she seemed to be satisfying his… needs… for the moment. Peter was so, so, very wrong.  
He couldn’t believe that Sirius would stand for what Abi had just said to Remus, but unfortunately it didn’t surprise Peter that Sirius went to interrupt Remus’ date. Even though Sirius had a shitty family life and tried to distance himself from his last name as much as possible, being a Black meant that his whole life he could have anything he wanted, except his freedom. Remus was Peter’s closest friend in the group. Sirius and James were a pair, and no one could even attempt to be closer to one of them than the other was, so Remus and Peter always ended up sitting together in class, or setting up parts of pranks together. He really liked Remus, and considered him his best friend.   
James and Peter had a different relationship. Peter looked up to James, and as much as he hated to admit it, he did follow him around and he enjoyed his company. James was a mix of responsible and reckless, and Peter liked that about him.   
Sirius and Peter had a different relationship altogether. Peter never really felt like Sirius wanted him around as much as the other two, and he sometimes ignored him, and albeit accidentally, Peter still let himself be irritated by it. He guessed that’s why when Sirius hurt Remus he was particularly irked by it, because he knew that Remus would forgive him even when Sirius didn’t deserve it. This entire situation, Peter thought, is so outrageously fucked, and he wanted to bang his head against a wall.

James and Peter went into many shops looking for Remus, before they spotted him in Honeydukes, holding Sebastian’s hand and laughing. Peter and James sighed with relief, and knowing that Remus was okay, they went to Paloma’s Potion Emporium to get ingredients for their next prank.

L i l y  
Dorcas and Marlene were telling Lily what they had just witnessed in the Three Broomsticks, and Lily’s face was bright red with anger. She stalked off, screamed at Sirius, and made her way back to the castle.

—————————————————

The following week, Lily glared at Sirius as much as was humanly possible. She was glad to see that James and Peter found Sirius’ behaviour as unacceptable as she did, and although the others in their group had perhaps not forgiven Sirius, but at least begun talking to him again, Lily remained furious at the boy and refused to speak a word to him. Lily also spent an afternoon getting to know Sebastian, and found that he was a genuinely nice person with accepting views, and he spoke highly of his family, which Lily admired.  
Remus deserves this, she thought.

That’s what all of them were thinking. That Remus deserves this. He really, really does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing from these POVs was weird, but I enjoyed it.   
> Hint of what's to come: Christmas at the Potters, Truth or Dare, Firewhisky, finally some slash, some more angst, and then a happily ever after :)
> 
> I'm also thinking of doing my next fic following on from seventh year and post-hogwarts, then my next one post-azkaban and lie low at lupins, an ootp fic and then possibly a bring back black fic? Just some ideas. Let me know!


	12. Chapter 12 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some yelling, revelations and young love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST ANGST ANGST  
> This will be one of the last angsty chapters, so if it's your thing, enjoy it, and if it's not, it will be over soon!!  
> Next up: Hogwarts express and Walburga Black

Sirius’ outburst at The Three Broomsticks had been incredibly hurtful, but Remus was almost thankful for it. His feelings for Sirius had been creeping back in, always looming in the back of his mind, but when that… conversation had occurred in Hogsmeade Remus was assured that Sirius would never, ever have feelings for Remus and the healthiest thing to do was to just let go.

Remus’ time with Sebastian had been, in a word, incredible. He hadn’t told Seb that he was a werewolf, but he was almost certain that the seventh year had figured it out all by himself. Remus had left for the full moon a few nights previously, and Seb hadn’t questioned him about where he was going. He had just hugged him and mumbled “Be safe, yeah?” Into Remus’ neck, before kissing him on the forehead and saying he would see him soon. Remus had gotten to know some of Seb’s seventh year friends, and he found that they never teased him for being overly mature and they appreciated his wit in a way that a lot of his usual group did not. Seb had been hanging out with Remus’ friends too, and James and Peter were quite taken with him, he and Lily formed a strong friendship, Dorcas had great respect for him because of how he behaved in Hogsmeade, and he started giving Marlene extra Beater’s training as a Quidditch alumnus himself. Remus didn’t think he could have found anyone so perfect.

Then there was Sirius. Remus loved Sirius, as a friend, obviously, but the way that he was behaving was just plain immature. Sirius would sulk for an hour every time Sebastian’s name was mentioned and he always excused himself whenever Sebastian joined the group. Sebastian seemed unaffected by this, to Remus’ relief, because he wasn’t quite sure how to explain to Seb why his best friend was being a twat, especially considering the fact that he didn’t know why himself. He had asked Peter, because ever since Remus came out he had discovered that Peter was incredible perceptive, and Peter had looked Remus straight in the eye and said “He’s jealous, you numpty! Isn’t it obvious?”  
“He is NOT jealous. He’s treated me like shit multiple times this year and I can’t think of one single reason he would be jealous of Sebastian-”   
“Oh Moony, Moony, Moony, Moony, Moon-“ Remus gave Peter a warning glance. “Fiiiine. Well, if you don’t want to accept that he’s jealous of Seb because he wants you himself-“  
“That is NOT IT.” Remus growled.  
“-then you can at least accept that he’s jealous because someone else is taking up his best mate’s time! He’s more territorial than the wolf sometimes, I swear.”  
“Then why isn’t everyone else acting the same way? You and Prongs - and everyone else, now I think about it- are making an effort to get to know Seb - (thanks, by the way) - can’t he do the same thing?” Remus stressed.  
“Moony, since when have we been able to explain any of Sirius’ behaviour?” Peter pointed out.  
Remus considered this. “Okay, true. It’s still annoying” Remus huffed.  
“I know mate, I know.” Peter looked over to the back of the common room where boards of Wizard’s Chess and other games were stacked. “Gobstones?”  
“Sure Pete.” Remus responded, needing to keep his mind off the black-haired boy haunting him.

—————————————————

Remus thought that he and Sirius had called somewhat of a truce when they had smoked in the dorm, and they had hung out alone a few times after that. When they were alone, there wasn’t a problem. When they were with the Marauders, there wasn’t a problem. Bring anyone else into it and Sirius became a writhing mess and excused himself to meet up with ‘a girl’. He made a conscious effort to never specify who this girl was.  
Everyone knew it was half-breed hating Abigail.   
No-one wanted to express their distaste for her openly, because she really was just that ditzy and she had no idea what she was talking about, but Gryffindor had never been a house that was against half-breeds, half-bloods or muggle-borns, in the way that Slytherin House generally could be. Overall, Gryffindor was actually inherently very accepting, meaning that anyone who had heard what Abigail had pulled in The Three Broomsticks had absolutely no respect, and wanted nothing to do with, the blonde girl. Gryffindor was also not a house that thrived on gossip, in the way that Hufflepuff seemed to sometimes. No one needed to mention Abigail to know that anyone who knew her strongly disliked her, or in Remus’ friends’ case, despised her. Remus hadn’t actually seen Abi since the stunt in Hogsmeade, and he suspected that she had been warned by Sirius to stay away from him. Remus forced himself not to blush at the thought of Sirius defending him.

“Rem, can I tell you something?” Sebastian asked, his voice shaky. Remus had wanted to ask what was wrong for the past few days, but had decided to wait until Seb wanted to talk himself.  
“Yeah Seb, of course,” Remus replied softly. They were sitting in the courtyard, surrounded by a warming charm that was melting the snow below the bench they sat on.  
“My mum. She’s sick.” Sebastian sighed.   
Remus gulped. “Seb, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, grabbing his boyfriend’s hand. “Can I ask what it is?”  
“A muggle thing. Cancer.” Seb looked at his feet. “They don’t think she’ll make it past January.”  
Sebastian’s voice was shaking and Remus wiped a tear from his eye. “Can I tell you something?” Remus said.  
“Yeah?”  
“My mum had liver cancer my first year of Hogwarts. I was too young to understand the implications of something like that, and I can’t pretend I understand now, but you can talk to me, I do kind of get it.” Remus whispered.  
Sebastian whispered something, and Remus suspected it was ‘thank you’.  
“Thank you for telling me,” Remus was touched.  
“You can tell me anything you know.” Sebastian was staring at Remus, his eyes soft.  
“I know, but I think you’ve already figured it out.” Remus said softly. He was freaking out.  
“When were you bitten?” Sebastian asked, squeezing Remus’ hand.  
Remus took a deep breath. “I was five. My dad pissed off Fenrir Greyback and biting his son was my dad’s punishment.” Remus was oddly desensitised to the subject, so he found that his voice was steady and calm. “I didn’t think I would be allowed to come to Hogwarts, but Dumbledore built the shack for me to transform.”  
Remus seriously thought about revealing to Sebastian that his friends were animagi, and immediately reconsidered. Marauders’ Secrets are just that. They are only for the Marauders to know. And Lily, he thought. He actually doesn’t know how she found out. She’ll marry James and would’ve found out one day.  
Sebastian could sense hesitation in Remus’ demeanour. “I’m not going to tell anyone, Remus. And I don’t think of you any differently because of it.”  
Remus smiled and pulled him in for a hug.  
“Look at us, a couple of saps. The guy with the dying mum and the werewolf,” Sebastian and Remus laughed at that.  
“Your mum will be okay, Seb,” Remus comforted.  
“No, she won’t. But I will be.”  
Sebastian stood up, grabbed Remus’ hand and led him back to the warmth of the common room. 

By the fire, Remus asked Sebastian if he wanted to come home with him for the first few days of the holidays. He knew that Seb needed to spend time with his mum, but he thought three days out of this madness could be good for him. Sebastian agreed, and they both owled their parents. The next morning, they decided that Sebastian would spend three days with the Lupin’s before heading back to England with Remus, on his way to the Potters. 

—————————————————

The next week passed without incident, and the day before the Hogwarts Express was due to depart the Marauders were walking through a busy entrance hall.   
“So lads, first week! You’re all welcome the whole holidays, of course, but I know that Remus and Peter have nice families to spend Christmas with and Sirius has to go back to the fifth circle of hell.” They all laughed.  
“Remember James, I’m coming a few days late?” Remus added, hoping Sirius would miraculously not hear him.  
“Yeah mate, of course.” James slapped him on the back.  
Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, in the middle of the entrance hall, causing a pile up of fourth years to topple over behind him.  
“Why are you coming late Remus?” Sirius cocked his head and stared Remus straight in the eye.  
“I’m going home for a few days first.” Remus though it was safer to avoid the Sebastian part, considering every time his name was mentioned a bomb seemed to go off inside Sirius.  
“With who?” Sirius questioned.  
Remus cursed himself for mentioning it in front of Sirius. He would have found out anyway, he guesses.  
“Sebastian.” Remus said, a lot more confidently than he felt.  
Something inside Sirius seemed to snap. Remus watched his face flush red, and there was almost cartoonish steam coming out of his ears. Here it comes, thought Remus. Here comes the explosion.  
“What. The. FUCK, REMUS?!” Sirius all but screamed. The entire population of students with class at eleven became silent and stared at Sirius.  
Remus blankly stared into the distance, thinking that arguing was just going to make this worse.  
“WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MARAUDERS? TO US STICKING TOGETHER? WE HAVE SO MANY PRANKS TO PLAN AND YOU’RE OFF GALLIVANTING WITH YOUR STUPID BOYFRIEND!” Sirius said the word ‘boyfriend’ with such disgust that Remus could see that Marlene and Dorcas were fuming behind him. “OH GREAT! THERE HE IS! WHY DON’T YOU JUST NOT COME AT ALL, REMUS?” Sirius yelled. Remus tried his hardest to stay calm, but it was proving incredibly difficult.   
“Uh, Sirius, I don’t want to pour gasoline on your explosion but it’s not really your place to uninvite people to my house,” James said quietly, so only the four of them could hear.  
“SO YOU WANT HIM THERE? DO YOU, PETER?” Peter held his hands up in a mock surrender, making the smarter decision not to get involved.  
“LET’S TAKE A VOTE THEN!” Sirius proceeded.  
“Yeah, Sirius, again, it’s my house, so a vote doesn’t really change the fact that Moony’s coming even if you’re going to be pissy about it,” James muttered quietly.   
Sirius glared at James like he’d cut his long hair off in his sleep. Sirius turned back to Remus, and continued yelling. “I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD ABANDON US-“  
That was when Remus lost it. Sirius wanted to tell HIM off for abandoning someone? Lily whispered in his ear, “Remus, come on, let’s go,” but he shook it off and brought himself up to his full hight, towering inches over Sirius.  
“ALRIGHT, SIRIUS.” Remus boomed. Everyone was intently watching now. “DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ABANDONMENT?! WHAT ABOUT YOU ALMOST MISSING THE LAST ONE BECAUSE OF HER?” The students looked confused at the mention of ‘the last one’. “OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE TIME THAT YOU COMPLETELY ABANDONED ME AND I ALMOST ENDED UP DYING, FOR, IN YOUR OWN WORDS, JUST. A. FUCK?” Remus yelled. He watched as a figure pushed through the crowd behind Sirius, looking horrified.  
“Don’t you love me?” A small voice came from a blonde girl behind Sirius.   
Remus raised his hands in a ‘nothing I can do’ gesture, and let Sebastian and Lily grab his hands, the three of them following James and Peter down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOft. Yelling, yelling, yelling.  
> Obviously Sirius and Remus will get together, you know that, its a wolfstar fic, and I'm going to miss Sebastian when that happens!!  
> Christmas at the Lupins and the Potters coming up woohoo


	13. Chapter 13 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets some bad, bad news, and finally admits his feelings.  
> Christmas at the Potters, part one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sirius.

Remus, James and Peter came to bed long after Sirius was asleep. Sirius can’t remember a time that he had been angrier in his life, at least while at Hogwarts, and he also can’t remember ever having a worse day. He had to deal with Remus screaming at him, all of the entrance hall staring at him while they all thought the same thing: look at Sirius Black, attacking someone for no reason at all. Marlene and Dorcas thought he was homophobic, and Abi whacked him over the head with a textbook so many times that he’s sure he has a bruise. He deserved it, he knew that, but it still hurt.

He didn’t think that Remus would forgive him this time, and he honestly wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. James and Peter had muttered a few words to him while they packed their trunks, and Remus packed in silence.  
“I’ll see you by the carriages,” Remus added, walking out the door.  
Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Remus sat in a carriage together, while Sirius, James and Peter shared another. Abi threw a twig at him and he watched Peter try desperately to hold back laughter.   
They all boarded the train, sitting in their usual carriage, when Remus and Sebastian opened the door and joined them. Sirius was sitting by the window glaring at Sebastian, when Remus looked at him from his position leaning on Seb’s shoulder. “Problem, Sirius?”  
Sirius considered being mature. He really, really did. But he saw Snape in the window sniggering at him and lost his shit.  
“I just think Sebastian should sit with the seventh years, that’s all.” Sirius said, angrily.  
“I’m good.” Smiled Sebastian.  
“I just think you should sit with your friends,” Sirius snarled.  
“I am.” Sebastian smiled again.   
Sirius was fuming. “Ok, I hate to break it to you, but we don’t want you here.” He said finally.  
Sebastian looked around at the others, raising his eyebrows as if asking ‘well?’.  
“Actually Padfoot, I don’t mind Seb staying,” said James.  
“Yeah, me neither,” added Peter nervously.   
“Fine! I’ll go then.” Sirius growled.  
“See you, Sirius.” Called Remus. Sirius shut the door.  
He walked down the corridor, spotting a carriage with Dorcas and Marlene. He knew that they were angry, but he didn’t think they would turn him away. He opened the door.  
“Out.” Said Marlene. Right, thought Sirius. I’ll go back and apologise.  
Sirius didn’t want to sit alone, being alone was his worst fear. Regulus was coming up the carriage and he picked up the pace, only to reach the Marauders carriage and see that Lily had taken his spot and was laughing with James. She was the only one that spotted him, and her glare drove him away.  
Eventually, he found an empty carriage, rested his head against the window, and drifted off to sleep. 

He was shaken awake by James once they had reached London. “Cmon. We’re here. Mum’s gonna apparate us back now.”  
Sirius just grunted. “Sirius if you don’t come now you’ll have to see your parents and I thought we were avoiding that!”  
Sirius jumped up, grabbed his trunk, and bolted out the nearest door, only to be faced with Walburga and Orion Black.  
“Sirius.” They said in unison.  
“Mother, father,” He responded.  
“I hope you know we have been very lenient to allow you to spend a week with the Potters. We are only doing so because they are a respectable, pure-blood family. I hope you know that if we receive word that you have been up to any mischief, you will be punished accordingly.” Orion snarled.  
Remus was watching Sirius, and noticed that the boy had never looked more vulnerable and scared.   
Sirius nodded. “You will be back here in a weeks time for Christmas. You will treat your cousins with respect.” Stated Walburga. It wasn’t a suggestion.  
Sirius nodded again. “There is something important that we need to speak to you about, and we plan to send you an owl with the details to prepare you for next week.”  
Sirius was shaking. He had no idea what his mother was talking about but he knew that there was no chance that it was good.  
“Alright.” Mumbled Sirius.  
“Behave yourself.” His mother repeated and he accidentally snickered. She threw a stinging hex at his feet, and stalked away, Orion in tow. 

Euphemia had greeted Sirius like her own son, and had offered to take the boys to Diagon Alley for ice cream, but Sirius requested they go straight to Potter Estate. He wanted to get out of London as soon as possible.  
Upon arriving at James’, they unpacked. Sirius would be sleeping with James, while Peter would have the spare room to himself until Remus arrived. They headed downstairs and were met with a feast, and Sirius managed to lose himself in his company and forget about the owl he would receive any day now.

——————————————————

Sirius, James and Peter spent the next two days skating across the frozen lake, sitting around bonfires and plotting pranks for the first few weeks back at school. Mentions of Remus were scarce, however Sirius found himself feeling guilty rather than angry when he thought about him.  
The boys were sitting around the bonfire one night, when Sirius began to cry.  
The boys looked at him, shocked. Sirius Black never cried. They had seen Sirius cry no more than twice, and both times were due to Regulus.  
“Sirius, what’s wrong?” James was panicking.  
“Mate, you can talk to us,” added Peter.  
“Moony.” Is all Sirius managed.  
“I was wondering when you’d crack.”  
“Shut up, James.” Added Peter.  
“He hates me. He should hate me. I’ve been so horrible to him and he’s never going to forgive me and he shouldn’t forgive me and-“  
“Padfoot. It’s Moony. Of course he’s going to forgive you. I don’t think he should, because you’ve been a right bastard, but he will.” Commented James.  
“Can I tell you something?” Whispered Sirius.  
“‘Course mate.” Chimed Peter.  
“I think I love him.” Sirius let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. The boys didn’t look shocked, which was incredibly confusing.  
“Yeah. We know. Figured it out after that moon you almost missed.” Said James.  
Oh, Sirius thought. They know and they don’t hate me.  
“Abigail?” Questioned Peter.  
“A distraction.” Answered Sirius.  
“So what, are you a poof or something?” James asked.  
“I honestly don’t know. All I know is that the person I love hates me because I’ve treated him like shit for months and I don’t deserve him. He has Sebastian and he’s oh so perfect and I’m never going to have a chance.”  
“Padfoot, I wouldn’t say never.” Muttered Peter.  
Sirius looked at him quizzically.  
“Before Sebastian, he’d liked you since third year. It’s just a shame you had to be such a prick about it when you figured it out.” Said Peter.  
“I don’t know what to-“ Sirius was interrupted by a letter dropping into his lap. He looked up and saw Albernon, the Black family owl, flying away.  
“Fuck.” The three boys said unison.  
“May as well read it aloud,” James suggested.

***  
“Sirius Orion,   
Next week will mark your last Christmas as an underage wizard.  
As per the Black family tradition, we have organised your betrothal-“ James and Peter gasped “to one Narcissa Black.   
You will begin courting after your first dinner next week, and are to be married the day after you turn seventeen.  
You will behave, and abide by the family traditions without complaint.  
Regards,  
Orion and Walburga Black.”  
***

Sirius was frozen.  
“Uh, this might not be the most important thing right now… but isn’t that incest?” Mumbled Peter.  
“Yes Wormtail, it most definitely is. That’s disgusting Padfoot”. James said.  
“I know it’s disgusting, but what the bloody hell am I meant to do about it?!” Stressed Sirius.  
“Leave.” Said James, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.  
“I can’t leave, James.” Stated Sirius. “I’ll go home next week and talk them out of it. If I can’t do that I’ll just do the opposite of everything they tell me to do, and they’ll give up!”  
James and Peter both looked at him, clearly concerned. “You do know that that isn’t going to work,” confessed James.  
“Shut up and pass the butterbeer.”  
Sirius was going to ignore it. He just wanted Moony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel really bad, but I wanted to give Sirius some depth and sometimes it takes a bad situation for someone to realise how they actually feel.  
> Next up: Sebastian at the Lupins, and Remus at the Potters. Truth or dare and firewhisky, and finally some slash!


	14. Chapter 14 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus' first time, the break up and a trip to the Lupins'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tear jerking chapter for me but Im so so so so so excited for the next one!!

The journey to Remus’ house was pleasant. It was a fairly long train ride, and he slept on Sebastian’s lap most of the way. Once they got to Wales, Remus woke up and prepped Sebastian for meeting his parents, and when they arrived at his stop, Hope was waiting for them.  
“Hi Darling!” she gave Remus a kiss on the cheek. He blushed, embarrassed.  
“and you must be Sebastian!” she smiled and pulled him into a hug which he returned enthusiastically.  
“It’s lovely to meet you Mrs Lupin!” he beamed at her.  
“Please love, call me Hope.”  
They got in the car and listened to Hope’s muggle rock music all the way to the Lupins’ farm. Sebastian was in awe of all the space, and it amused Remus to see someone so interested in his home. Remus and Sebastian grabbed their trunks and brought them up to Remus’ room.  
“I’ve set up the guest room Sebastian, but it’s your choice whether you would like to stay with Remus or in the other room. I’m warning you: he kicks.” she laughed.  
“Thank you Hope. I think I’ll stay here if that’s alright?”  
“Of course love. Lyall will be home soon, so I’ll leave you to it.” Hope smiled as she shut the door. 

Remus had never gone further than snogging and some light groping with anyone, so being alone in his room with Sebastian made him nervous, but he also fell excited and giddy at the prospect of doing something with Seb. He was unsure as to how to bring It up, but Sebastian did it for him.  
“Hey Rem, if you want me to stay in the guest room that’s completely fine, and I want you to know that if I sleep in here there’s no expectations and we don’t have to do anything-“  
“What if I want to do something?” Remus softly responded.  
“Well, I would hardly say no to that,” Sebastian smirked and leaned into kiss Remus.  
They ended up snogging in a position where Remus was straddling Sebastian, before Remus because achingly aware that they were both hard.  
“We- should- go-for- a- walk,” Remus heaved, breathing heavily.  
“We should, before your dad gets home.” Remus wondered how Sebastian was so collected.  
They both got up, smoothed themselves over and Remus forced himself to think of McGonagall in a bikini before following Sebastian out the door. Sebastian stopped him in the threshold. “To be continued?” He smirked.  
“Definitely.”

The boys spent the afternoon roaming the farm, before Sebastian asked Remus if they could sit for a minute.  
Remus nodded and they found their way back to the Lupins’ backyard, where Sebastian cast a warming charm so that they could talk comfortably. Huh, thought Remus. He hadn’t registered that Seb could already use magic outside of school.  
Sebastian’s face was more serious than Remus had ever seen it. ”I need to tell you something.”  
“I figured.” Remus smiled nervously.  
“I’m not going back to Hogwarts after Christmas.” Sebastian couldn’t quite meet Remus’ eye.  
Remus was shocked. “Why?!” he exclaimed.  
“My mum’s not going to make it, and my dad needs someone to earn money to sustain the house. I’ve already found a job at the ministry, and they took me based off my O.W.L. results.”  
If Remus didn’t feel so horrible, he would’ve been upset that Sebastian didn’t tell him sooner.  
Apparently Sebastian could see the hurt in Remus’ eyes, so he continued, “I didn’t know how to tell you, and I wanted to make sure that everything was final before I had to do this. I’m so sorry Remus. I’m so, so sorry.” Sebastian was on the brink of tears.  
Remus wanted to cry, wanted to yell at the universe for ruining the best thing he had at the moment, but he pushed that aside and held Sebastian’s hand. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s just not fair.” He frowned.  
“No, it’s not.” Sighed Sebastian. “But I thought maybe we could just spend a few days here, and forget about everything, before it’s all over?”  
“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.”

That night at dinner Sebastian got on swimmingly with Hope and impressed Lyall with his extensive academic knowledge. Finally, Remus and Sebastian headed up to bed.  
Remus felt incredibly nervous, and he changed in silence. He had his back to Sebastian, trying to hide his scars, when he felt strong arms wrap around his waist.  
“IYou don’t have to hide them.”  
Remus turned around to give Seb a chaste kiss on the lips, which quickly turned into a heated snogging session. Sebastian maneuvered them towards they bed, and lay Remus down as he climbed on top of him.  
Remus almost lost himself in the moment, before he saw Sebastian wince at his scars. He had tried to hide it, but Remus saw. He was about to say something, when Sebastian resumed kissing his neck, and oh that felt nice, so he ignored it and lost himself in the bliss.

The two boys lay on their backs, sweaty and spent. Sebastian turned to Remus and said “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask, was that your first time?”  
“Yeah, it was.” Remus blushed.  
“How was it?”  
“Bloody brilliant.” They both laughed.  
Sebastian scourgified them both, before they drifted off to sleep.

Fucking hell. Remus dreamt of Sirius.

————————————————-

Saying goodbye to Sebastian was horrible. Neither of them tried to sugarcoat it: they weren’t going to see other again, and this was goodbye for good.  
Sebastian grabbed Remus’ hands and looked him in the eye. “I love you.”  
Remus found that he couldn’t say it back.  
“Go get Sirius okay? I know he’s been a dick, but he thinks he’s protecting you. He’s young, and he wants you to be happy: but mainly if it’s with him.”  
Remus gaped. “No, Seb, it’s not like that-“  
“Rem, calm down! What we had, is exactly what we needed. And nothing could change how I feel about you-“  
“Nothing could change how I feel about you either!” Remus protested.  
Sebastian smiled and continued. “-but I just want you to be happy. And if that’s with him, then let yourself go.”  
Remus pulled Seb into a painfully tight hug. “Thank you. For everything.” Remus whispered in his ear.  
“Be safe, Remus.” He kissed him, long and slow, pouring more emotions into the touch of their lips than could ever be expressed with words.  
“Love you, Rem.”  
“Love you too, Seb.”  
Remus stood on the platform, and watched Sebastian leave.

————————————————

Remus was sitting on a bench at King’s Cross.  
“Remus darling! Have you been waiting long? Am I late? We did say two didn’t we?”  
“Yes Mrs Potter,” Remus laughed. “You’re not late, I’m just early.”  
“Well, you must be freezing! The house is warm, and we have fires going in every room. We can get going as soon as possible, but I have a book to pick up at Flourish and Blott’s, if you don’t mind waiting?”  
“Of course not Mrs Potter.” Remus smiled warmly as she cast a much-needed warming charm around him and told him she would be back in ten minutes.

For someone who just broke up with their boyfriend, Remus was quite calm. He didn’t feel the need to cry, because he knew that this was unavoidable. Sebastian had loved him, and he never thought he could be loved. That was more than enough for him.  
Seb’s comments about Sirius shocked Remus. He guessed he shouldn’t be surprised, the two have never exactly been subtle. He just wasn’t sure that getting Sebastian’s blessing would help at all, considering Sirius still hated Remus and was probably dreading his arrival at the Potters’.  
Remus focused on the fact that he was about to see his best friends, and whatever that entailed, they were his family, and he loved them like one. When Mrs Potter returned, they found a safe corner, he grabbed her arm, and they apparated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We say bye to Sebastian! I tried to make their breakup as sweet as possible, and Remus had s e x which is crazy to me


	15. Chapter 15 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth or dare, Potter Estate, Firewhiskey and some WOLFSTAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is 3/4 done! I've started writing a sequel of sorts about seventh year and post-howarts/pre-azkaban wolfstar. It will be a lot more fluffy than this!!
> 
> EDIT: Just looked at my chapters. Way less that 3/4 done.

Sirius had dodged any mention of the letter from his parents over the next day, and was anxiously awaiting Remus’ arrival. He was sitting in Mr Potter’s den, browsing the muggle books lining the shelves, when he heard the familiar crack of apparition.  
“WORMTAIL! PADFOOT! MOONY’S HERE!” Apparently James had heard it too.  
He heard footsteps bounding down the stairs as the boys all came running from opposite ends of the house to rush to the front door.  
“Moony!” The two boys squealed in unison. Sirius hung back, not knowing what to say to Remus, considering that their last proper conversation was a screaming match in front of half of Hogwarts.  
“Hey Wormtail, Prongs.” Remus beamed at them, and peered over Peter’s shoulder. “Hey, Padfoot.” He said softly.  
“Hey Moony.” Padfoot smiled at him. Remus was speaking to him! And he called him Padfoot! If this wasn’t progress, he didn’t know what was.

The four boys spent the afternoon throwing sticks for Padfoot to chase, far out of view from the Potters’ windows, and Remus and Peter judged a fight to see whether the stag or the dog were truly superior (this ended with Padfoot covered in snow and Prongs falling through the ice on the lake). They had dinner with the Potters and decided that they would spend the night drinking by the bonfire, as Peter had smuggled in a few bottles of Firewhisky to save for the holidays. Once they had started the bonfire (without magic, to Sirius’ dismay and general annoyance), James suggested that they play truth or dare. Sirius agreed quickly, because truth or dare for him always ends with graphic nudity or a really good snog, neither of which he would object to. Remus nodded and shrugged. Peter looked wary. The last time they had played truth or dare he had ended up in Filch’s office wearing nothing but a bra and his underwear. Eventually, the boys all agreed to play, Peter’s one condition being that they get drunk enough before the game that embarrassment wouldn’t bother them that much. The boys thought that four shots of firewhisky would be good to start (five for Remus, bloody werewolf metabolism) and once their throats were officially burning, they started the game.  
“I start because it’s my house!” Drawled a very drunk James. The boys nodded in agreement, and he turned to Remus.  
Sirius was happy to hear any truths about Remus because he hadn’t exactly trusted Sirius with much the past few months, not that he could blame him.  
“Truth.” Replied Remus.  
“Alright!” James clapped. “How far have you gone with Seb?”  
The look on Remus’ face was completely nonchalant as he leaned back and replied “We fucked. My turn.”  
The boys all dropped their jaws, none of them knowing what to say. Sirius was fuming. Fucking Sebastian Pence took HIS Moony’s virginity?! Oh, he’s got it coming when we get back to school, Sirius thought.  
Sensing everybody’s shock, Remus sighed. “Have at it then. What do you want to know?”  
Peter awkwardly raised his hand. “You don’t have to put your hand, Wormtail, it’s just me,” Remus laughed.  
Peter nodded and bravely asked “Who was on top?”  
James gaped at him. “Peter! You can’t ask that!” Remus just waved him off.  
“Nah James, it’s fine, I’d want to know too. I was.” Sirius felt a rush of blood go straight to his groin. Fuck, thought Sirius. Not now!  
“Was it good?” Asked an almost-blacked-out James.  
“Brilliant.” Remus smiled.  
“So will you be going at it in the dorm then?” Sirius tried not to sound angry.  
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more hypocritical statement in my life, but if you must know, Padfoot, we broke up.”  
Sirius tried not to smile. “Oh. I’m sorry. Why? Was it because he found out about your furry little problem?”  
“Of course not, he’s known about that for months. Told him soon after we started dating.” Remus smirked. “He told me if he didn’t already know, he would’ve figured it out in the bedroom.” Sirius was about five seconds away from hiding in a bush and having one off just to the thought of that. No, he roused on himself. No!  
“EW, NO!” Shuddered James. “I did NOT need to know that!”  
“Why did you break up Moony?” Asked Peter, looking thoughtful.  
“Seb’s mum’s dying and his dad needed him to drop out so that he could make money for the family.”  
The three boys all murmured variations of ‘that’s shit’.  
“Yes well, what can you do. I’m alright, don’t worry.” When the boys still looked concerned, Remus added “More firewhiskey!” James’ face lit up at that. “NOT you James!”  
James’ pouted as the others took shots. “It’s your turn Moony, right?”  
“Yes, I believe it is.” Remus smirked at a worried Peter. “Wormtail, truth or dare?”  
Not wanting to be chastised for being a chicken, Peter responded “Dare.”  
“Strip and jump onto the lake.”  
“It’s frozen!” Peter protested.  
“And wouldn’t it be a shame if you fell through!” Remus shouted sarcastically.  
Peter was buzzed on firewhiskey and picked himself up, stripped to his boxers and ran towards the lake. He jumped, and immediately fell into ice cold water.  
The boys howled with laughter. Remus grabbed the blanket he was sitting on and threw it around Peter. “Impressive, Wormtail!” He laughed.  
“After that, I’m asking Sirius. Truth or dare Padfoot?” Peter shivered.  
“Dare, is that even a question?” The boys were all sick of Sirius choosing dare, but no matter how embarrassing the dare that Sirius was faced with, it was better than accidentally opening up about his family, or god forbid, Remus.  
Peter considered this for a moment. “Alright. At last count, the great Sirius Black has fucked no less than twenty-four girls at Hogwarts. I dare you to tell us, Padfoot, how many of them have you actually slept with?”  
Sirius froze. “Hey, that’s a truth!”  
“Technically Pads, it’s a dare,” mused James. Remus looked throughly intrigued.  
“Two.” Sirius mumbled. The boys announced that they couldn’t hear him, so he yelled “TWO, DAMN IT! TWO!”  
The boys were so shocked that they couldn’t even laugh. James opened his mouth to comment, but Sirius interrupted him. “Moony, truth or dare?”  
Sirius knew that this was a very, very bad idea, and there was no way that this could end well. He was going to do it anyway.  
“Dare, Padfoot.”  
“Snog anyone here.” He said simply. James glared at him, and Peter looked angry, which was fair enough considering that they had warned Sirius against doing exactly this.  
Remus lifted himself off the ground and crawled over to Peter, pecking him on the lips. James looked offended.  
“What? He’s just the least intimidating here!” Remus justified.  
So that didn’t work out how he hoped. He ddi have a spectacular view of Remus’ arse when he leant over, but he had imagined Remus leaning over and kissing him, long and slow, with years of passion all built up- Oh, sod it.  
“That isn’t a snog. This-“  
He leaned in and kissed Remus. And Remus was kissing back! He felt fireworks, he felt magic. He grabbed Remus’ cheek while Remus ran his hand through Sirius’ hair and it was lovely and brilliant and wonderful.  
Sirius pulled back. “Is a snog.” He completed.  
Remus stood up. “I’m going for a walk.” He whispered.  
Holy fuck, what had Sirius done now.

“Sirius! Do you never learn?!” Yelled a suddenly sober James. He took off after Remus, and Peter glared and Sirius and then followed.  
That was the best kiss that he’d ever had. He didn’t even know that kissing could feel like that. He was rock hard and just wanted to kiss Remus’ whole body, his whoooolllleeee body… But he had just driven Remus away, like he’d been doing all year. Fuck this.

He would’ve been far more upset if he hadn’t seen the way that Remus blushed when Sirius pulled away, or if he hadn’t felt Remus’ tongue pushing insistently in his mouth. He was going to get him. He wanted to show Remus that he loved him. He just needed to figure out how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES SIRIUS YOU WORK THROUGH YOUR EMOTIONS GO GO GO


	16. Chapter 16 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finds out, letters, and Sirius loses the plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS!!! Redeeming Sirius starts now!

Remus was sitting on the Potters’ back porch, his head in his hands. He was a horrible person. He had just spent some of the best months of his life with a gorgeous boy who was in love with him, and one snog from Sirius Black is all it took to derail his emotions. He didn’t understand why his heart was so insistent on loving Sirius. Sirius was chaotic, and loud, and reckless: everything that Remus was not. Remus was careful, and calculated, and calm. It wouldn’t work, it couldn’t work.   
Even though Remus knew that, he wanted to know what it was like to be loved by Sirius Black.

Why would Sirius snog him if he didn’t have feelings for him? Was it to try and make him feel guilty because of Sebastian? No, Remus thought, It wasn’t that. Sirius is a lot of things, but he isn’t cruel. Remus watched his friends be furious at Sirius for things that he had done to Remus, but what Remus couldn’t express is the fact that some of those things that Sirius had done, he would’ve done too, if the roles were reversed. Just when he was about to spiral, he heard a shout from behind him.

“Moony! Oi, Moony!” James seemed have sobered up.  
“Yes, Prongs?” Remus was monotonous.   
“What the hell just happened?” Asked Peter, genuinely confused.  
“I believe that Sirius just snogged me to tease me about Sebastian.” Remus responded calmly.  
“URGH!” Yelled Peter clenching his fists. James and Remus looked shocked at the usually quiet boy’s outburst. “I am so, so, fed up! You’re both idiots!”  
Remus looked confused. “What?”  
“You love him, he loves you, bloody hell! I wanted to be friends with boys to avoid this, but you two prats go and fall in love anyway!”  
Remus scoffed. “Sirius does NOT love me.”   
“BLOODY HELL!” Peter and James both yelled.  
They stomped off into the night.

———————————————————

Up in Remus and Peter’s room, Remus’ chosen hiding place of the night, the tall boy pulled out some spare parchment and a quill. Dipping it into the ink, he began to write:

Lily,  
Everything is a mess. Sebastian and I broke up - I’m okay, it was no one’s fault. He had to leave Hogwarts and I wouldn’t be able to see him. He told me he loved me, but the problem was, I couldn’t say it back. Then he told me to give Sirius a chance.   
I’m at the Potters’ now, and made the mistake of agreeing to play truth or dare… with fire whiskey.  
Long story short, Sirius snogged me and I am half way between giddy and thoroughly pissed off.  
Peter and James seem to be under the impression that Sirius is in love with me. How they figure that, I have no idea.   
I would kill for a dreamless sleep potion right about now.  
How’s that for an update?  
Love,  
Remus

He rolled up the parchment and headed to the Potters’ barn, where their owl Edmund liked to reside. “Ed! I’ve got a letter for you! You can take it in the morning if you want.”  
The owl flew down and perched on Remus’ shoulder, plucking the parchment out of his hand. “Lily Evans, ok?” He nipped Remus’ finger affectionately, and flew off into the night.

———————————————————

Remus had been lying on the bed in silence when he heard the telltale stomping of James and Peter coming up the stairs. Their faces were white.  
“What happened?”  
“Sirius- he’s gone.” Peter panted.  
Remus was worried, but he also knew that Sirius could handle himself. “He will be okay.”  
“You haven’t seen the letter, have you?” James asked. Remus shook his head.  
“Wait! Read this first. I found it lying under James’ bed. It must have fallen out of Sirius’ trunk.”  
“And why am I reading it?”  
“Remus - it’s addressed to you.” explained James.  
Remus took the letter from Peter’s hand, and read it silently.

Moony,  
I’m sorry. Actually, I’m sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’ve been awful, I know I have, and there is nothing I can say to make it better.  
I don’t know why I did all of the things I’ve done this year. I know part of it was out of jealousy of Sebastian, and part of it was me being a Black, and part of it was because I figured out I fancied you and didn’t know what to do about it - wait, that’s not how I was going to tell you. I’ll have to rewrite this.  
I went crazy, and let everything get out of control and I don’t deserve you to ever forgive me. I’m writing this on the train back from Hogwarts, because no one is talking to me but even I think that I deserve it.   
Every time I look at you I want to kiss you, or hug you, or just hold you until this shitty world goes away. I want to make everything better for you, but all I’ve done this year is make it worse. You don’t deserve to be treated the way I’ve treated you. I don’t deserve you even tolerating my presence.   
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Lily asked me, a few weeks ago, whether I was right in the head. I’m starting to think I might not be. I’ve been a nightmare. Maybe I’m just becoming more like my parents. The way I’ve been acting is the way they act, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.   
I don’t know if I’ll send this letter, because nothing I can say amounts to how sorry I am. Basically, I’m the worst.  
The train is stopping now.  
I want to say I love you but I don’t think I’m allowed.  
\- Padfoot

Remus stared, wide-eyed, at the piece of parchment.  
“What?” Asked James.  
“Fucking hell.” Remus muttered.  
“Then, there’s this,” Peter handed another piece of parchment to Remus, this one stamped with the Black family crest.  
Remus read it, and then read it again to make sure that he wasn’t imagining things.  
“Holy shit!” He exclaimed.  
“Boys!” Mrs Potter scolded from downstairs.   
“Sorry Mrs Potter,” the boys chorused, James replacing ‘Mrs Potter’ with ‘mum’.  
“What do we do?” James asked, shaking.  
“There’s only one thing we can do,” answered Remus.  
“And?” Panicked Peter.  
Remus stood up. “We have to go and get him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that!


	17. Chapter 17 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius at Grimmauld Place!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius finally leaves. I love a good abandoning Grimmauld chapter.  
> Next up: Sirius finds home

Sirius was lying on his bed at Grimmauld Place. He had been playing muggle music at an obscene volume to try and drown out his thoughts, but his mother had silenced it almost immediately after it started playing. Why he thought coming back here was a good idea, he didn’t know. It was his own punishment for destroying Remus.  
“Sirius Orion!” Yelled his father. “Come to my study at once.”  
Sirius hauled himself up, muttering “No ‘please’, no ‘thank you’. Bloody bastard” as he stomped down the stairs.  
He knocked on the study door, knowing that if he didn’t he’d be hexed, and once he heard “Come in.” he opened the door, and shut it behind him.  
“Take a seat, Sirius.” Imagine having to get permission to sit down, in your own bloody house! I hate it here, thought Sirius.  
“As you know, your courtship with Narcissa will begin in a few days time.” Sirius suppressed the urge to gag. “All the cousins will be coming over, except Andromeda, with that muggle boyfriend of her’s… she’ll be blasted off the tapestry any day now,” he trailed off. “Anyway, there will be a formal dinner, and then you and Narcissa will be excused. Whether or not you choose to be intimate before your wedding, is up to her.” Sirius wanted to ask whether it was up to him too, but he already knew that it wasn’t.  
“You will behave. You will use your manners. You will abide by the Black Family Traditions as so many have before you.” These weren’t suggestions, they were demands, and Sirius would’ve argued if he wasn’t so damn tired. “Narcissa is a lovely, pretty girl, and you should find courtship easy, given as you are in the same year at school.” Sirius shuddered. He knew this, of course, because he dedicated a significant amount of time to avoiding her. “If I find that you are not spending time with Narcissa at school, I will not hesitate to pull you out and school you here. Narcissa would be schooled here too, and then you would be able to spend every day together. It’s your choice Sirius. Behave, or be punished.”  
Sirius so desperately wanted to talk back, but he knew that doing so ended in excruciating pain and he really just wanted to go back to bed. “Yep.”  
“Sorry Sirius, I’m sure I heard you incorrectly. Did you say yes, Father?”  
“Yes, father.”  
“You are excused.” He pointed his wand at the door and it flew open, and once Sirius had crossed the threshold, it slammed behind him.  
He went back upstairs, and a wave of anger rushed over him. Without a second thought, he flew back downstairs and knocked on his father’s study door.  
The door flew open. “Yes, Sirius?”  
“Just so you know, I hate Narcissa. And right now, I hate you too.”  
His fathers face remained calm as he picked up and pointed his wand at Sirius. “Crucio!” He yelled, and Sirius doubled over in pain, his entire body burning. He registered that the immediate pain had stopped, and he looked up at his father. “Your room. Now.”  
Sirius limped up the stairs and lay on his bed. He started to cry.

—————————————————————

Sirius was sitting at the dinner table in his finest dress robes, opposite Narcissa and next to Regulus, who looked incredibly guilty. There was general chatter amongst the adults, and he hears Narcissa pipe up, apparently responding to a question from Sirius’ mother. “Yes. I look forward to the challenge of taming the great Sirius Black.” She laughed manically.  
“So, Sirius, do you plan to be intimate with Narcissa during the courtship?” Bellatrix asked him. What kind of fucked up people discuss inter-familial sex at the dinner table?  
“I don’t know, up to her,” he muttered, poking at his untouched dinner with a fork.  
“Yes, obviously, but if it was up to you, would you want to?” Bellatrix continued.  
Okay, Sirius thought. This could go in one of two ways. My way, or the highway. The highway would be saying that it is up to his future wife and he would do anything she required, but he’d been crucio-d four times in the past two days and thought that his way sounded like much more fun.  
“If it was up to me, we would never have sex, because doing so would be incest. Our children will have two heads.” He stated calmly.  
The entire table looked shocked (except Andromeda, who had shown up for Sirius, who was desperately holding back laughter).  
He heard his mother yell “Petrificus Totalus!” and he froze in his chair. Well, he thought, at least he didn’t have to answer anymore questions.  
His parents profusely apologised for their son’s behaviour and promised that he would be well disciplined by the time the wedding came around. Sirius had a brilliant retort for that, but his lips were clamped shut.

He had been frozen for over two hours, and had a very irritating itch on his left knee that he would kill to scratch. He was trying to telepathically communicate with Andromeda, which was failing miserably, as she was staring at her cutlery (probably plotting mass Black Family murder, knowing her). The cousins had left, and Narcissa gave him a kiss on the cheek on the way out, leaving Sirius wondering whether it was possible to throw up while petrified. Once Kreacher had cleared up dinner, his mother muttered the counter spell, whacked him over the head with a pan and said “We WILL discuss this in the morning.” while stalking up to bed, followed closely by Orion and a nervous looking Regulus.  
Sirius went up to his bedroom, his entire body aching from not moving a muscle for hours. He thought about Remus for what felt like hours, and then he got up and strutted towards his parents’ room. Without knocking (Black Family offence #1), Sirius burst through the door and loudly announced “Walburga! Orion! Great to see you. I have a bit of news, you see, about my current romantic status. I’m arse over tits in love with a half-blood werewolf! And, he’s a boy! So I will have trouble marrying Narcissa if I’m already in a gay rela-“  
“CRUCIO!” Screamed Walburga and Orion, both pointing their wands at Sirius. Usually Sirius could manage crucio, but two at a time? That was agonising. He went through his usual mantras; okay, it’s just pain, it will be over and you won’t have to feel it anymore, alright, it’s just pain, just don’t scream… with two curses hitting him at the same time, he couldn’t resist. He screamed until his parents put away their wands, and he thought that must have been the longest they have ever held it for.  
“Your room. Now. Not coming out until Hogwarts.” His father growled, kicking him out the doors. Sirius whimpered all the way back to his room, which was locked the second that the door shut.

—————————————————————

It had been hours when Sirius heard his door opening. It must be midnight, or at least close. He hoped to god that it wasn’t one of his parents. Peering up from under the blanket, Sirius whispered, “Reg?”  
The younger boy shut the door behind him, and creeped over to sit on the end of Sirius’ bed.  
“How did you get in?” Whispered Sirius.  
“Bribed Kreacher. Wasn’t all that hard. I am ‘young Master Black’ after all, and the parents haven’t told him not to do what I say.”  
Sirius said nothing.  
“Sirius, I know you hate me, but I’m still your brother.”  
“You don’t stand up for me!” Sirius yelled in a whisper.  
“Because I’m not like you! I don’t have anyone else! I can’t get cursed without limping for days-“  
“You get used to it.” Sirius mumbled.  
“-and I’m not smart enough to get a job without the family name!” Regulus finished. “I’m not brave like you.” He added under his breath.  
Sirius didn’t comment.  
“Are you really gay?” Asked Regulus.  
“Yeah, I think so.”  
“And Remus-“  
“Reg, I’m begging you, don’t tell them that Remus is… well, Snape told you I assume.”  
“Yeah, just me though.” Regulus confirmed. “He hasn’t told anyone else. I won’t either. I’m may be a prat but I like Remus, and I wouldn’t do that to him.”  
“Shut up, you don’t even know him.” Sirius snarled.  
“I do actually. We were good friends last year. He was a prefect and he got people to leave me alone.” Sirius looked stunned. Remus hadn’t told him that. “I asked him not to tell you. I needed him and I knew that you would try and get him to stop talking to me.”  
“I wouldn’t-“ Sirius started, but Regulus gave him a look.  
“Okay, maybe I would have, but you could’ve told me people were having a go at you!”  
“Sirius, this is the first time we’ve spoken more than a sentence to each other in years. You’re hardly my biggest confidante.”  
They sat in silence, before Sirius did something incredibly out of character. He pulled Regulus into a hug. They stayed like that for a while, and there was a sense of finality in it that made Regulus pull away, concerned.  
“I have to leave, Reg.” Sirius said.  
“You can’t. If you go, they won’t take you back!” Regulus protested.  
“I know.” Whispered Sirius.  
“What about me?” Whimpered Regulus.  
“You know how you said you’re not brave like me? You’re braver. You will be okay, I know you will. And hey, I’ll see you at school okay?” Sirius tried to reassure his brother that he just because he was leaving the house didn’t mean that he was leaving him.  
“At least you won’t have to marry Narcissa. She has fingers like spiders,” laughed Regulus.  
“I know, right!”  
Regulus sat on the bed while Sirius packed his trunk. He shrunk his record player down to fit inside, along with other assorted knick-knacks that he was partial to having in his room.  
When he was finally done, and his room was empty except for the raunchy muggle posters stuck to the wall, Sirius pulled his brother into another hug.  
“If you’re going to go, go now. I’ll cover for you, but you’ve got no more than two minutes.” Regulus said.  
Sirius smiled at his brother. “Thank you Reg. Thank you.”  
Regulus left before Sirius to distract Kreacher. Once he was out the door, he turned his head, and whispered “Love you, Siri.”  
Sirius smiled back. “Love you too, Reg.”

Sirius tiptoed down the stairs and once he reached the front door, and knew he could get away, he threw a hex at a tapestry of a wizard killing a giant. He walked out the front door as it burst into flames.

Standing in the square opposite Sirius’ house, holding a broomstick, was a very tall, very tired Remus Lupin. Sirius’ jaw dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one there is a LOT of redemption, but I'm not getting them into a relationship straight away. Sirius needs to regain Remus' trust!  
> I really, really like the next chapter, it's Christmas and it's really fluffy
> 
> Your comments are what keeps me writing :)


	18. Chapter 18 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rescue mission, and some silent connections.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter one, because the next one will have a lot going on and I thought some relief would be good before that!  
> Next up: A new home, and a few family!

“No! If you nancies are going to wait for the sky to clear, I’m going now!” Remus slammed the door to the Potters, grabbed a broomstick and took off for London.  
He knew the general direction, he hoped he did at least, and he needed to get there now. It was a long flight, and Remus had time to stop and think about the letter for the first time since he had read it. He wanted so desperately to run into Sirius’ arms, but he was terrified at the same time. It seemed like Sirius would just hurt him again.  
Then Remus thought back to his third year. He had not spoken to his friends for months, yelled at the smallest things, and been generally furious all the time, but once he accepted that he was gay, everything stopped. He felt whole again, and things went back to normal. The difference was, it was third year when Remus had his episode, and it could be written off as preteen angst. Sirius was old enough that no-one could mistake his fury for angst, they saw it for what it was: rage.  
Maybe Sirius was going through what he went through, Remus thought. It wasn’t an excuse, but it would explain why this started. It would explain the letter.  
What Remus didn’t understand, was why Sirius didn’t tell him. Sirius knew that Remus was gay, and he seemed so confident that any girl would like him, so why didn’t he believe that Remus could? He would ask him, Remus decided. He would ask him, they would talk about it, just not now.  
They had been friends for six years, and all Sirius had done was love Remus. He had cared for him after full moons, and eaten chocolate with him while Sirius talked about his family. They had a friendship that was different to the ones they had with the other boys; it felt special, somehow. Sirius treated him differently. He was careful around Remus, like he could break at any second. Sirius was kind with him, and vulnerable, and Remus cursed at himself for only just figuring out that he behaved like that because he loved him. Everything would have gone so differently if they’d figured this out sooner.  
If someone had only known Sirius this year, they would think him a horrible person. But Remus knew that he wasn’t. Sirius, despite where he came from, was good. He was kind, and he was careful, and deep down he was damaged from being raised on curses and hatred. Remus decided that he would do everything he could to help Sirius realise that he was NOT a Black.

Remus knew the location of Sirius’ house, but it was under a fidelius so he would have to wait in the square for someone to come in or out.  
Remus suddenly heard a deafening ‘bang!’ and saw fire from the front room of a house he swore wasn’t there before. Well, that can’t be good, he thought.  
Sirius burst out the front door, looking panicked, and the two made eye contact.

Remus was nervous as Sirius walked over to him. “Remus?” Sirius asked, as if trying to figure out if he was real or not.  
“Hey Pads,” Remus said softly, letting himself get pulled into a hug by Sirius. He felt his whole body relax and cursed himself for being putty in Sirius’ hands.  
Remus pulled away and Sirius frowned. “Sirus, we’ve got to get going before the owls arrive. How much underage magic was that? Not to mention you set something on fire?!”  
Sirius just laughed and attached his trunk to his broomstick. Remus wondered how he could be so relaxed walking away from his family, potentially forever. The two boys mounted their broomsticks, and pushed off the ground.   
They didn’t fly too high, so that it was quiet enough to talk. “Moony, you hate broomsticks!”   
Remus smiled. “I didn’t want you betrothed any longer than was necessary.”  
“I’m touched.” Sirius laughed. “Where are the others?”  
“They were coming but they were taking too long so I just kind of… left.” Remus trailed off guiltily.   
They flew in silence for a while, before Remus broke it, asking, “So is it over now? For good?”  
Sirius blushed, and answered. “Well, I told them I was in love with a half-blood, male, werewolf. I think its definitely over.” Sirius refused to make eye contact with Remus.  
“I’m sorry if this is because of me.”  
“Remus, they crucio-d me five times in three days. They petrified me for hours while I sat at a dinner table with my entire family and listened to them bitch about me. They tried to marry me off.. to my cousin!”  
They descended in front of the Potter mansion and Sirius finished his sentence. “I didn’t end it after those things, even though I felt like it, because I wanted to end it after I had made sure that they knew I was capable of love. They never wanted me to be, and they never will.”  
Remus held Sirius’ hands and looked him in the eyes. “I’m so fucking proud of you.” He whispered.  
“Thanks, Moony.” He beamed up at him, blushing. “And Reg knows you’re a werewolf, but he’s not going to tell-“  
“Yeah, I know he won’t. He wouldn’t do that.” Remus waved him off.  
Remus knew Sirius wanted to ask how he knew that, but Remus just squeezed his hand, and led him inside.  
Right before Remus opened the door, he heard SIrius say in a small voice, "Remus?"  
"Yeah Pads?"  
"Thanks for not giving up on me." Without waiting for a response, Sirius opened the door.

“Mrs Potter? Mr Potter?” Remus called once he had walked into the entrance hall.  
Mrs Potter came bustling around the corner, pulling the two boys into a hug. “Merlin, I was so worried about you two! Sirius, what’s happened? Are you staying?”  
“Can we talk alone for a moment? With Mr Potter? Is that okay?” Asked Sirius, nervously.  
“Oh, of course dear. No trouble at all. We’ll go to Fleamont’s study.” As they walked away, she turned back to Remus and nodded, giving him an all-knowing smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing about Remus figuring out why Sirius was behaving how he did! Any insight into Remus' mind takes me a long time to write because as a character he is so important to me.
> 
> I'll be going into hospital for a few weeks soon, meaning I can either update a lot more or slightly less. Either way, I've got some chapters written so there will still be regular updates!


	19. Chapter 19 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius finally finds home. And finally tells Remus how he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quite literally cried writing this. I'm so happy

Sirius nervously sat down in Mr Potter’s study. He somehow felt uncomfortable in a place that he had sat, reading, less than a week ago.  
Mrs Potter could obviously sense his nervousness and she placed a hand on his arm. “Sirius, do you want to tell us what happened?”  
Sirius stayed quiet for a minute, not knowing what to say. It was when Mr Potter looked at him and said “It’s okay, son.” that he lost it and found himself blurting out everything.  
He told them about how he’d been cursed ever since he was sorted into Gryffindor, how they crucio-d him for any small disagreement. He told him how they hated muggle-borns and half-breeds and they stood for everything that Sirius stood against. He told them how they had never once said that they loved him, and how they tried to marry him off to his cousin. When he finally finished, he was on the brink of tears, and looked down at his hands, whispering “I’m sorry.”  
“Sirius, you never need to be sorry. None of that was your fault. None of that was fair, and you don’t have to go back.” Mr Potter said.  
Sirius laughed quietly. “Of course I have to go back… I just don’t know what to do.”  
Mr and Mrs Potter exchanged a glance, and they nodded at each other.  
“What you do, is you stay with us.” Mrs Potter smiled at him. “I’m not letting you go back there unless you really, really want to.”  
“I would never want to. I’m just scared.” Sirius whimpered.  
“They can’t hurt you here. I promise.” Mr Potter added.  
“I can’t burden you like that,” Sirius reasoned.  
“Sirius, you’re here half the time anyway. James refers to you as his brother. You’re practically already our son,” she laughed.  
“I don’t have any money,” he apologised. “I don’t know if they’ll leave me any. I know my Uncle Alphard has some he’s leaving me, and he said he’d buy me a flat when I turned seventeen, and-“  
“Shhhh, honey,” Mrs Potter rubbed his shoulder. “You can stay here until you get a place of your own. Or if you don’t want to be alone, you can stay here for as long as you want. We have more than enough money. James has been begging us to adopt you for years now, I’ll tell him that this is his Christmas present.” Mr Potter laughed and agreed.  
“Thank you Mr and Mrs Potter. I can’t explain how thankful I-“  
“Sirius, if you want to you can call us Euphemia and Fleamont. Or mum and dad. That’s up to you.”  
A tear rolled down Sirius’ cheek. He whispered “thank you, mum and dad.” before he let himself cry in her arms.

—————————————————

“Okay love, what do you feel like? We have leftovers of pretty much everything, or I can make you something-“  
“Anything you have would be nice. They haven’t really fed me much the past few days.” Euphemia looked murderous. He heard her mutter various statements, including ‘shouldn’t be allowed to have children’ and ’psychotic, the lot of them’ as she warmed up some lamb roast.  
“I’m going upstairs to do something quickly, but I’ll be back in a few minutes - would you like me to fetch the boys?”  
“No thanks. I think I just need to breathe.”  
“Of course dear.” She smiled and headed up the stairs.

Sirius wolfed down his food. He hadn’t realised just how hungry he was, and Euphemia’s cooking could rival that of the house elves.  
Fleamont came and sat down at the table. “I hope you know that what Euphemia said, I mean it as well. I’d be honoured to be your ‘surrogate father’. Only if you want of course,” he compensated.  
“I’d really, really like that.” Sirius beamed at him.  
He heard Euphemia coming down the stairs, and Fleamont asked him, “Are you happy, Sirius?”  
“I’m happier now than I’ve been in years.” He responded.  
“I guess it would be hard to be happy when your parents have never said that they love you.” Sirius nodded, sadly.  
Euphemia entered the kitchen. “Done? Was it okay?” She gestured at the empty plate in front of Sirius.  
“Marvellous Mrs Pot- Mum.” He corrected himself. She flicked her wand and the dishes started washing themselves.  
“I’m glad, dear. Listen, I’ve got something to show you, if you want to come upstairs?”  
“Great, sure,” Sirius responded, following her out of the kitchen.  
“Sirius?” He heard Fleamont call from the kitchen.  
Sirius backed up. “Yeah?”  
“We love you.” Sirius heart had never felt that warm.  
“Thank you, dad.”

—————————————————-

Euphemia led him up the stairs and gestured towards the spare bedroom. The dresser was empty and the walls that had once been covered in wallpaper were bare.  
Sirius looked at her quizzically. “I just thought if you wanted to put up some posters or photos, or paint the walls if you’d like to, then now your room is a clean slate.”  
He hugged her incredibly tightly and she laughed. “Thanks mum.” He whispered.  
Sirius heard Peter knock on the door frame. “Can we come in now?” He asked meekly.  
“Yes, yes of course,” Sirius laughed.  
The three boys walked into the room.  
“Wow Pads, I love what you’ve done with the place,” Remus smirked.  
“Oh, shut up.” Sirius smiled.  
“I’ll leave you to it.” Euphemia shut the door behind her.  
“So you’re staying for good?” James asked, unbothered.  
“Yeah, if that’s okay with you?” Sirius realised that he hadn’t thought about whether James would be alright with Sirius living with him.  
“Of course I’m okay with it, you twat! It’s bloody brilliant!” James laughed.  
The four boys sat on the spare bed - Sirius’ bed - and listened intently while Sirius told them what happened at Grimmauld Place.  
“Fucking shitballs.” Gaped Peter.  
“Fucking shitballs? Really Wormtail?”  
“Well James, what would you say?!”  
“Alright, fair enough.”  
They talked and laughed for hours, and Sirus finally felt safe.

——————————————————

“Moony, can I talk to you?” Sirius asked, once Peter had dozed off and James was reading some Quidditch magazine.  
“Yeah, ‘course. Want to go down to the lake? I think the fire’s still burning and the warming charm probably hasn’t worn off,” Remus suggested.  
“Sounds good.”  
They walked in a comfortable silence down to the lake, and they sat by the fire, relishing in the warmth. “So, what’s up?”  
“I need to say something. And you can’t interrupt me.” Said Sirius, practically shaking with nerves.  
“Go on…”  
“Ok. I’m so, so, so fucking sorry. I’ve been a prick. Worse than a prick. I’ve been a downright nightmare.” Admitted Sirius.  
“True-“  
“Hey, I told you not to interrupt!” Remus brought his fingers across his lips, and mimed throwing away a key. “Thanks. Anyway, I’ve been the literal worst and I don’t expect you to forgive me. I wouldn’t forgive me. I’d probably hate me forever…” Sirius trailed off. “But I don’t want you to hate me forever. I will be better, I promise. I can’t promise that I won’t fuck up from time to time, I am a Black after all-“  
“Sirius! Shut up! You. Are. Not. A. Black.” Remus deadpanned. “Oops, I interrupted. Carry on.”  
“What I was SAYING, is that I’m not a horrible person. Or I am, but I’m going to try not to be. You mean more to me than anyone on this planet. You may be a poncy, bookish, annoying-“  
“Some apology!”  
“I’m getting to the point! Anyway, you may be everything I’m not sometimes, but I guess I love you even more for it. And you know I love you. But what you don’t know…” Sirius broke off, suddenly incredible unsure of himself.  
“Out with it Pads,” Remus smiled warmly.  
“Oh, sod it. I’m in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so lovely to write. I've been waiting to write this chapter since I started this fic, and I'm so glad I can finally post it!
> 
> Let me know if you like it!!


	20. Chapter 20 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas plans, love revelations and sharing a bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a cute short chapter to prepare you for the next one: my favourite yet.  
> Christmas day!!

“Oh, sod it. I’m in love with you.”  
Remus’ heart was racing. He already knew, but hearing Sirius say it made it real. He realised that Sirius looked anxious, and was suddenly aware that he hadn’t responded in several minutes.  
Remus takes a deep breath. “You know I love you too…” Sirius beamed. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not terrified of you hurting me. I can’t be with you until I trust you.”  
“I understand.” Sirius looked sad. “I’ll do everything I can to prove to you that I love you and… I can be better. I promise you I will be better.”  
Remus smiled and held Sirius’ hand. “Okay Pads. That sounds good.”  
“Can we cuddle?” Sirius asked nervously.  
Remus chuckled. “Yes Pads, we can cuddle.” He shifted over to make room for Sirius between his legs, and let the shorter boy leant back into his chest.  
Sirius moved and relaxed. “Moons?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I won’t say it again until we figure this out, but I really love you.”  
“Yeah Pads. I really love you too.”  
Remus leant back himself, and Sirius fell asleep on his chest.

———————————————————

Sirius and Remus walked back to the house, and Remus said to Sirius “I’m just going to chat to Mrs Potter. I’ll be right up, okay?”  
Knowing Sirius was incredibly anxious about his friends leaving him, he added “I promise.”  
Sirius nodded and headed up the stairs.  
Remus found Mrs Potter knitting by the Christmas tree. “Mrs Potter?”  
“Yes, Remus, dear, what’s going on?” She looked concerned, which was fair, Remus thought, considering the events of earlier that night. It was almost sunrise, and he realised she must have been waiting for all of the boys to drift off to sleep.  
“I was wondering if it would be alright, I mean if it’s not too much trouble… I was wondering if I could stay for Christmas?”  
“Goodness! Yes Remus, of course. That would be lovely. Could you owl Hope and Lyall and invite them too? We haven’t seen them in ages and it would be nice for them to spend Christmas with their son.”  
“Of course!” Remus said excitedly. “I’ll do it when I wake up. Thank you so, so much Mrs Potter.”  
“No problem at all dear. You’re always welcome here.” She gave him a hug, and resumed her knitting.  
On the way out of the door, Remus paused and turned around. “Mrs Potter?”  
“Yes?” She smiled.  
“Could we not tell the others until Christmas Eve, when I’m meant to leave? I think it would make Sirius happy and it would be a nice surprise.”  
“I was thinking the same thing.”

Remus had changed and was getting into bed when he realised that Peter and James had dozed off in James’ bed, leaving Sirius and Remus to share the other.  
Bloody hell, thought Remus. Just found out he’s in love with me and now I have to cuddle him all night and try desperately not to get hard.  
Sirius walked in, shirtless and in nothing but his boxer shorts.  
“Bloody fucking hell,” Remus muttered.  
“What?” Asked Sirius, who was busy sifting through his trunk.  
“Nothing, nothing,” he lied. Sirius was so fucking HOT. There was no other way to put it. He was gorgeous, and about to cuddle up to Remus all night. Shit.  
Remus climbed into bed, and took his shirt off as he always did: once he was hidden under the covers. Sirius turned out the light before blindly navigating his way towards the bed.  
“Ow!” Sirius yelled.  
“Shhh! You ok?” Whispered Remus.  
“Yeah, just ran into a bed post.”  
“Of course you did.”  
“Shut up.” Sirius mumbled as he fell on top of Remus, his hand (it must have been purposefully) grazing Remus’ cock.  
Oh good lord this is going to be difficult. Hard, more like.  
“Sorry.” Sirius muttered, in a tone that ensured Remus he was definitely not sorry.  
“Sirius, we can’t,” Remus pleaded. They couldn’t, but GOD he wanted to.  
“Ok. Can I do one thing?”  
“Depends what it is.”  
Sirius cupped Remus’ cheek and pecked him on the lips. “Sorry. I just wanted a re-do. I much preferred that.”  
Remus blushed profusely. “Yeah Pads.” He pulled Sirius close. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shit at writing smut but I think I'll write some later in the story...  
> We'll see


	21. Chapter 21 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas day, Hokey and the note pad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH!!!  
> Get excited for New Years!!

Sirius wakes up feeling euphoric the next morning. He is wrapped around a sleeping Remus, and he can feel the boy’s chest rise and fall with each deep breath that he takes.   
Sirius realises he’s being quite creepy, he’s been staring at Remus sleeping for close to an hour, and he’s decided that a sleeping Remus is just as attractive as a smoking Remus.  
Sirius blinks and discovers Remus is staring back. Remus smiles lazily at the black-haired boy. “Morning Pads.”  
Sirius desperately wanted to kiss him. “Morning Moons.”  
“How’d you sleep?”  
“Better than I have in my entire life.”  
“Good. I’m glad.” Remus kisses him on the forehead. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have done that.”  
Sirius smiles. “I don’t mind.”  
“I know you don’t, you twat, but we’re meant to be not doing anything romantic until we figure this out!”  
Sirius chuckles. “I hate to break it to you Remus, but you’ve been cuddling me and kissing me on the forehead daily for three years.”  
“…Alright. You have a point. Don’t get used to it though!” Remus tried to look stern, but his eyes were twinkling.  
“Okay Mr Lupin.”  
“Shut up!” Remus laughed and tickled Sirius.  
“My eyes! My poor virgin eyes!” Sirius looked up to a swooning James, covering his eyes, standing in the door way.  
“He was attacking me!” Sirius exclaimed.   
“You probably deserved it.” Said Peter, yawning.  
“Merlin, not even seven and I’m being attacked AND INSULTED!” Sirius huffed dramatically.  
He realised that this was the most normal interaction the boys had had since 6th year started. He smiled to himself.  
“Get off Pads, I’m showering.” Sirius reluctantly let go of Remus and watched him grab some clothes and head to the bathroom.  
James and Peter sat on the bed, smirking.  
“What now?” Sirius groaned.  
“Someone’s smitten.”   
Sirius whacked James with a pillow.

———————————————————

Suddenly it was Christmas Eve, and James and Peter had to go home to their families.  
Sirius was overcome with worry. What if Remus gets angry with me again? What if he doesn’t want to be my friend when we get back to school? What if, what if, what if!?  
Remus approached Sirius, tilting Sirius’ chin up so he could look him in the eyes. “Pads, you’re spiralling. What’s going on?”  
“You’re leaving, you numpty, and Sirius is having a sulk.”  
“Oh, Prongs, about that… I’m actually staying until the end of the holidays.”  
“WHAT?!” Sirius yelled.  
“Gods Sirius! Shut up!” James complained, and then turned back to Remus. “Moony, that’s bloody brilliant! That means I can reveal my secret plan to you both in person!”  
Sirius watched Remus frown. James’ secret plans usually end in something flooding, burning or blowing up.  
“It’s not a prank! Do you have no faith in me?”  
“No!” Sirius and Remus chorused.  
James whacked them with a rolled up newspaper, and went to say goodbye to Peter.

——————————————————

The three boys had slept in the den on Christmas Eve, so that they could wake up in front of the Christmas Tree.  
Sirius was greeted with the face of a house elf just inches from his own, and jumped up in shock.  
“Master Sirius! It is Hokey! Hokey is so glad to serve you this Christmas!”  
Sirius had forgotten that the Potters and their extended family all shared a house elf, and she moved into each of their houses when they needed a bit of extra help. “Hi Hokey. Merry Christmas,” smiled Sirius.  
“Thank you sir! Hokey has made hot chocolate for sirs to drink when they wake up. Hokey will put it on the table.” She beamed.  
“Thank you so much Hokey.” Sirius beamed back at her.  
“Oh, it is no problem at all Master Sirius! Hokey will be around if sirs need anything!” She pattered off towards the kitchen.  
Sirius had an idea. He’d always wanted to know something, and Hokey was the perfect person to ask.  
“Wait, Hokey?” Sirius called after her.  
“Yes sir?” She rushed back.  
“Do you know anything about a house elf called Kreacher?”  
“Kreacher from London or Kreacher from Essex?”  
“London.”  
“Ah, yes. House elves are not meant to speak ill of each other unless ordered.”  
“I won’t make you do anything, but I would really like to know what you know about him,” Sirius pleaded.  
“Of course sir. Kreacher is known among the house elves as… not very nice. A lot of them call him evil. He has been known to disobey his Master’s wishes in the past, which is why he is so bitter now. He used to pass privileged information between the branches of the Black family. Hokey doesn’t like him, not one bit.”  
“Thank you so much Hokey, you’re the best.”  
Hokey almost passed out from Sirius’ flattery, and padded back to the kitchen.  
Kreacher was a prick. Sirius was glad the house elves knew that too.

Sirius had finished his hot chocolate and was tired of waiting for the boys to wake up, so he chucked pillows at both of their heads.  
They both glared at him, but he passed them hot chocolate and they forgot how they woke up.  
“Merry Christmas lads!” James said cheerily.  
“Merry Christmas guys,” added Remus.  
“Merry fucking Christmas!” Sirius yelled, just as Fleamont entered the room. “Sorry dad!” Sirius yelped.   
“It’s Christmas, Sirius. Live your dreams,” he yawned, heading towards the kitchen.

——————————————————

Hokey had prepared a massive feast for breakfast that morning, and just as they were siting down to eat, the doorbell rang. “I’ve got it,” called Sirius.  
He opened the door to see Mr and Mrs Lupin, who he had been instructed to call Hope and Lyall. He must remember that.  
“Hi!” Sirius smiled, hoping Remus hadn’t told them how Sirius had treated him this year.  
“Hi darling!” Beamed Hope, pulling him in for a hug. So far, so good.  
“Merry Christmas, Sirius,” smiled Lyall, shaking Sirius’ hand.  
“We’re just having breakfast, come and join us,” Sirius led them to the dining room.  
There were many assorted greetings, and eventually Hope and Lyall sat next to Fleamont and Euphemia and they all tucked in to the feast.

After breakfast, Hokey assured them she would clean up, and Sirius admired that Mr Potter helped her clear the table.  
All seven of them sat around the tree, and James rubbed his hands together in anticipation for presents.  
Parents went first, Sirius, James and Remus all thanking them profusely, especially Sirius. The only Christmas presents he had ever received from his family were new dress robes or books of dark magic (not counting Andromeda, who had given him a wizard’s copy of the Kama Sutra for Christmas last year).  
Sirius gave James a massive basket of Zonkos. “Not up to my usual standard, but I’m pretty sure I’m disinherited, so I did my best.”   
James cackled. “It’s amazing!” And gave Sirius and Remus their presents in return.  
Remus gave James the first ever addition of ‘Quidditch Monthly’, and Sirius had never seen James that wide-eyed before.

Then it was time for Remus. Sirius gave Remus his presents and anxiously waited while he unwrapped them.  
“Oh my god!” Remus exclaimed. “Oh. My. God!” He repeated.  
“What is it?!” Hope asked.  
“It’s that charmed booklight I’ve wanted since I was five,” Remus smiled. “And those quills I’ve been ogling for years. And they’re engraved!”  
Remus pulled Sirius into a tight hug, and kissed him on the forehead in a gesture of thanks. The parents had seen this so many times that they didn’t even flinch.  
“My turn.” Remus pulled out Sirius’ present from the bag that Hope had brought with her, and handed it to Sirius.  
Sirius was incredibly nervous. He had no idea why.  
“Open the small one first,” Remus requested.  
Sirius picked up the lighter package and unwrapped it carefully to reveal a dog collar, donning the word ‘PADFOOT’. Sirius was so unbelievably turned on.  
James howled in laughter as the parents looked increasingly confused. “It’s an inside joke, Mum,” Sirius explained to Euphemia. “And it’s brilliant.”  
Once Hokey had given James a glass of water and he had stopped laughing, Remus gestured for Sirius to open the other package.  
Sirius opened it carefully to reveal a note pad that Sirius could pull bits of parchment out of. “Look on the back,” Remus said softly.  
Sirius turned it over to reveal the words: ‘PROPERTY OF SIRIUS POTTER-LUPIN-PETTIGREW’ engraved in gold. Sirius ran out of the room crying.  
“The hell did you do, Remus?!” James exclaimed.   
“They’re happy tears, dear, I’m sure of it,” Sirius heard Hope explain as he ran up the stairs.  
Oh my god, Sirius thought. Oh my god.  
Sirius heard Remus knock on the doorframe, and enter the room. Sirius was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, and he felt Remus sit on the bed next to him and pull him into his arms.  
“That bad, was it?” Remus laughed.  
Sirius lifted his head to face Remus. “That is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.” Sirius said sincerely, eyes red from crying. “I love you so much.”  
“You too, Pads. We’re your family, okay? It’s just official now,” Remus said softly. “Come back downstairs?” He requested.  
Sirius shook his head. “They’ll all think I’m crazy!”  
“They think you’re crazy anyway, Pads. They think we all are. C’mon. We’re going.”  
“Urghhhh,” Sirius groaned as he stomped down the stairs.  
“Alright son?” Asked Fleamont.  
Sirius silently passed the notepad to Fleamont, and he whispered “Remus, that’s beautiful,” as he handed it to Euphemia.  
Euphemia shed a tear and pulled Remus into a hug. “You’re a really good friend,” Sirius heard her whisper. “They’re lucky to have you.”  
Yeah, Sirius thought. We really are.

———————————————————

Later that night, once Lyall and Hope had left and Hokey had extensively cleaned the house for want of something to do, Sirius spotted James in an intense conversation with Euphemia. They were both whispering in the way that Sirius whispered when he was amidst a prank. Huh, he thought. Weird.  
Remus was reading somewhere in the massive house, so Sirius sat down and opened his notepad. He dipped a quill in ink and started writing a letter, a letter to his ex-mother, a letter that he would never send.

“LADS!” Screamed James.  
“James!” Yelled Euphemia.  
“Sorry, mum. Guys!” He yelled, matching her volume.  
Remus emerged from the den and Sirius threw the letter he wrote into the fire. It was extremely therapeutic, if he did say so himself.  
“So! I have a plan!”  
Remus groaned and Sirius narrowed his eyebrows.  
James ignored their unsavoury reactions, and continued. “We are hosting a New Year’s Eve party, right here! I’m thinking Pete, obviously, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, Frank, and for Peter’s personal pleasure: Mary McDonald!”  
“You’re disgusting,” Remus said.  
“You love it,” James and Sirius said in unison.

With that, Sirius got ready for a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much fluff.
> 
> Hospital will be MUCH more tolerable knowing that I can finish this, and then start on the sequel of post hogwarts, post azkaban lie low at lupins, grimmauld place and DEFINITELY bring back black.  
> I never thought I'd enjoy writing fics as much as I do now.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


	22. Chapter 22 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone reunites, James is an idiot and Remus tries to keep his hands off Sirius.  
> Get ready for New Years: At the Potters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long one!  
> Next one is drinking, Sirius finding out about his future, and heading back to Hogwarts.

Remus sat at the desk in Sirius’ room, penning invitations for James’ New Years Party. He had written to everyone, and was finalising the invitation to Lily.  
In all honesty, he was glad to have something to do. He was finding it very hard to resist Sirius’ flirtations, but he knew that he couldn’t give in until he knew that he wouldn’t be hurt. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was also a teenage boy who was incredibly turned on by Sirius. He had woken up to Sirius wearing the collar and looking at it in the mirror, and he almost lost it. He was turned on by Sirius doing even minor things, like biting his lip, or running his hand through his hair. Or, Remus thought, when Sirius woke up with a raging hard-on and smirked at Remus until he noticed, before getting up and showering without waiting for a response.  
Remus shook his head and finished the invitation to Lily, planning to give it to Edmund once he had returned from delivering Marlene’s.  
“Moony!” Remus heard James yell from downstairs. “Done yet?”  
As much as Remus wanted to hide in the bedroom, he forced himself up, calling “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be right down.”

———————————————————

James, Sirius and Remus spent the next two days decorating the house for the party. They enlisted Mr Potter’s help to charm the floating balloons, moving banners, and finally, the display of fireworks that would go off at exactly midnight.  
The night before New Years Eve, Sirius and James nicked some firewhiskey from the Potters’ collection. Remus felt horribly guilty as they snuck it upstairs and hid it below Sirius’ bed. Just when they thought they had gotten away with it, Fleamont knocked on the door.  
“Hi, boys.”  
“Hi Mr Potter,” they said nervously, Sirius and James replacing ‘Mr Potter’ with ‘dad’.  
“Listen, you’re not in trouble.” The boys all looked panicked, as he continued, “I know there will be drinking tomorrow night, and Euphemia and I have promised to stay away, but please make sure you look out for each other. We don’t need any accidents.” He smiled and chuckled at their nervous faces. “Just, have a good time, and be careful, okay?”  
The three boys nodded profusely, all too shocked to answer. Mr Potter laughed. “Alright then.” He left the room.  
“That could have got a LOT worse.” Stated Remus. James and Sirius both nodded, clearly still shocked at Mr Potter’s reaction.  
James cleared his throat and regained his composure. “Alright lads! We need to sleep. We’ll be up till the sun rises tomorrow night!”  
“God, you’re right. I’m so tired,” Remus picked himself up. “I’ll be right back.”  
He headed to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Another night of keeping my hands off Sirius, he thought. It was even harder to do when he knew that Sirius desperately wanted Remus to touch him.  
“Night, Prongs.” Remus mumbled as he passed James in the hallway.  
“Wait, wait,” James grabbed Remus’ wrist. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Are you two… you know… together?”  
“No!” Yelped Remus. “Sorry. We’re not, not yet at least. I hope.”  
“Alright. Just wanted to know. Remember: silencing charms! I don’t care if we get an owl! Priorities, Moony, priorities!”  
James strutted off to his room, ignoring Remus’ protests of ‘no!’ and ‘it’s not like that, you twat!’  
Sighing, Remus lay down and pulled off his shirt.“That’s what I like to see,” smirked Sirius, closing the door.  
Remus rolled his eyes. “Shut it, Sirius.”  
“Come on, I know you want to,” whispered Sirius, climbing on top of Remus.  
Remus inhaled sharply. “I do not.” Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe I do. But we can’t.”  
“Not yet?”  
“Uh…” Remus considered. “Yeah. Not yet.”  
“Okay!” Sirius said cheerfully, and rolled off Remus to turn off the light.  
Remus had been lying with Sirius wrapped around him, begging his cock to cooperate, when Sirius whispered into his neck. “Can I be your New Years Kiss?”  
Remus sighed. He wanted to say yes, he so badly desperately to say yes, but he knew that he couldn’t. Apparently Remus’ silence was answer enough for Sirius.  
“Oh. Okay.” Sirius turned over to face the wall, sounding genuinely heartbroken.  
Remus felt incredibly guilty, so he turned around to wrap his arms around Sirius. “Hey. We have all the time in the world, okay? I just need to feel… safe, first, I guess.”  
“Okay.” Sirius sounded understanding, but still very very sad.  
Knowing that he could say nothing to make this better, Remus whispered a goodnight.  
“Night, Moony.” Remus swore he heard Sirius sniffle.

————————————————————

“Rise and shine! It’s fucking New Years Eve!” James yelled, pulling open the curtains and blinding Remus with the morning light.  
“Urghhhh,” Sirius and Remus groaned in unison, shielding their faces from the sun.  
“Get up, you chickens. We have to set up the other guest rooms for everyone to sleep in.”

After much deliberation, it was decided that James would share with Sirius, Remus would share with Lily (once this pairing was decided, Sirius sulked for a good twenty minutes), Frank with Peter, Alice with Mary and Marlene with Dorcas.  
“Oi! How come that couple get to share a room?!” Sirius complained.  
Sighing, Remus explained. “Because they’re stable.”  
“Frank and Alice are stable!”  
“Yes Sirius, but Marlene and Dorcas can’t make fucking babies!” James huffed.  
Sirius frowned in silence, considering this. “Oh. Well, fair enough I guess.”

———————————————————

It was four o’clock when the bell rang the first time.  
“Peter!” Remus smiled as he opened the door.  
“Bloody hell, I’m here! Do you have any idea how much I need this? My great aunt, kissing me, all week!” Peter shuddered.  
Remus laughed and guided him inside.  
The next time the doorbell rang, Remus opened it to see Lily. She immediately dropped her bags and threw her arms around his neck.  
“Oh, thank god you’re here! If you hadn’t written that invitation I would’ve sworn James told me you were here just to get me to come.”  
Remus laughed, releasing her from the hug. “Very funny, Lils.”  
“Tell me, please tell me, that I am NOT sharing a bed with Potter! I will kick him all night if I have to,” she pleaded.  
“Oh shush, you. You’re sharing with me. Now let’s put your shit upstairs so I can tell you what’s been going on.”

Remus had been talking non-stop for twenty minutes, when he finally paused. “So yeah,” he muttered.  
“Fucking hell Rem. Bit of a rollercoaster, hey.”  
“Yeah, you could say that.”  
“Now, Sirius. What are you going to do?” She asked.  
“What would you do?”  
“Look. I think he might actually be sorry.”  
“What?! Lily Evans thinks Sirius Black could change?!” Remus exclaimed sarcastically.  
She punched him in the shoulder. “Oi! I’m not that much of a bitch!” For his general safety, Remus chose not to argue. “Look, Rem. I’m not one to sit here and beg you to give him a chance, but there’s nothing to say that he isn’t trying to change, and there’s plenty of evidence suggesting that he is. Do what your heart tells you-“ she shuddered. “No, that was gross. Do what you think is right. Just, be careful okay?”  
Remus beamed. That was as close to a blessing as he would ever get from Lily. “Okay. Thank you Lils,” he smiled.  
“I missed you Rem,” she smiled back.  
“I missed you too.” He pulled her in for a hug.  
“Rem?” She whispered, pulling back.  
“Yeah?”  
“Will you be my New Year’s Kiss?”  
Remus laughed. “Lily, as flattered as I am, I’m as gay as-“  
“I know you idiot! That’s why I asked!”  
He knew that Sirius would be jealous if he kissed someone, but Lily was a girl, so he felt comfortable saying “Yes Lils, of course.”

———————————————————

While Remus and Lily had been talking, it seemed that everyone had arrived.  
“Okay! Food’s out at seven, drinking starts at 9, and all around fuckery begins now. Enjoy, you dipshits!” James yelled, and everyone cheered.

Somehow, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, Frank, Lily and Peter had ended up sitting by the lake. Remus briefly wondered where Sirius was, and concluded that he was with James, so he didn’t worry, and just let himself be happy.  
Remus felt a hand tap on his shoulder. He looked around to see Sirius, looking nervous. Huh, not with James then. Where the hell was James, alone, when all of his friends were at his mercy?  
“Hey, can I talk to everyone?” Sirius mumbled.  
Remus nodded and got everyone’s attention by saying “Oi, idiots! Sirius has something to say!”  
“Actually Moony, can I talk to them without you?” Sirius asked.  
Remus was incredibly confused, but shrugged his shoulders and said “Yeah, of course,” as he vacated his seat for Sirius to take. As he walked away, Remus spun around. “Wait! One thing.”“Yeah?”  
“Where the hell is James?”  
“Spying on Peter and Mary. Got his omnioculars out and everything,” Sirius smirked.  
Everyone burst out laughing. As Remus continued towards the house he thought, bloody hell. What did I expect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I'll be posting 2 chapters a day, more if I can. If the posting times are a little irregular, I'm sorry, but you'll still get two a day :)
> 
> I'm currently writing a smutty scene for a chapter close to the end, and it's so hard!! I hate writing smut but I love reading it, so I'm doing my best.
> 
> I hope you're all enjoying this thus far!


	23. Chapter 23 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters from Reg, New Years Eve, and a kiss to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE THIS ONE!  
> A lot happens, but I wanted it all from Sirius' point of view so I kept it in one chapter.
> 
> Get together soon!! Get excited!

Everyone was staring at him. Sirius was known as the most confident boy any of them had ever met, and most of the time, he agreed, but right now he was shaking and couldn’t seem to remember how to speak.  
His panic must have been evident on his face, because Marlene grabbed his hand. “Hey, Sirius. It’s okay,” she promised.  
Gulping, Sirius began. “Okay. I want to start by saying if none of you ever want to talk to me again, then that’s fine. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you. I’ve been horrible. Really horrible. It might have taken complete social isolation and a couple of crucios to realise it, but I have, and I’m so, so fucking sorry.” His eyes were watering, and he cursed his tear ducts for being so damn sensitive. “I suck, alright? I’ve been beating myself up about it for weeks, and if you want to do the same I wouldn’t blame you. It’s just… you guys are my family. I don’t have one anymore I don’t think, and I’m fucking determined to make sure I don’t ruin this one too.” He finished, and grasped his hands, anxiously awaited a response.  
Sirius watched Marlene and Dorcas nod at each other, and then stand up and walk over to Sirius. He closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself for a punch, but was shocked when the two girls pressed their lips to his cheeks.   
“We love you, Sirius,” Dorcas hugged him.  
“You’ve been a right bastard, but we love you.” Marlene said. Then, leaning in so that only Sirius and Dorcas could hear her, she added “And if you ever fuck Remus over again, I will break your legs and hide every bottle of Skele-Gro you could imagine getting your hands on.”  
Dorcas added “And I’ll help.”  
The two girls gave him massive kisses on his cheeks and jumped back, Marlene exclaiming “Well! We’re off to snog each other silly!”. They trudged back to the house, hand in hand.  
Sirius braced himself for the others’ reactions.  
Alice stood up and embraced Sirius. “Hey, it’s ok. We all fuck up.”  
Frank slapped him on the back and added “What’s done is done okay? Now let’s have a fucking wicked New Year’s Eve.”. He and Alice walked back to the house, leaving Sirius alone with Lily.

Lily was silent, furrowing her eyebrows in the way she does when she’s studying.  
“I’m really sorry Lils. I mean it.”  
She made eye contact, frowning slightly. “I think I believe you.”. He beamed. “Hey, don’t get too excited, I’m still mad. I just think that if Rem is willing to give you a chance, well, I should too.” She gave him a rare smile.  
“I just wanted to-“ Sirius was interrupted as a letter dropped into his lap. He looked up to see Albernon, squawking at him and flying away. God, even the owl had the Black’s attitude.  
“Motherfucker,” Sirius sighed, not daring to open the folded parchment.  
“Hey, hey, I’m here. Let’s do it together, okay?” Lily’s smile was warm, and she grabbed Sirius’ hand. He could do this, he thought. He could.  
Slowly, he unfolded the parchment, only to see that it wasn’t stamped with the Black Family Crest. He must have looked incredibly confused, because Lily muttered “Sirius?”  
“Sorry, yeah, it’s just, it’s not from my parents.” Who the hell was it from? Oh, he thought. Reg. “It’s from my brother.”  
“What’s it say?” She asked softly.  
Breathing in, he read it aloud.

“Siri,   
Thought you should know that mum’s disinherited you. Andromeda told me that Uncle Alphard’s leaving you everything, so, when the old poof dies, you should be fine.  
I’m assuming you’re at the Potters. I think they’ll help you till you’re loaded again.  
Don’t reply to this.  
Be careful - Reg  
P.S. You’ve been blasted off the tapestry. Guess one of your dreams came true.”

Sirius laughed at the tapestry comment, and at the fact that his gay uncle is leaving his gay nephew with all the money he could ever want.   
Unfortunately, then the gravity of what he just read sunk in.  
“Sirius? What are you thinking about?” Lily asked. He realised that he’d been silent for a while.  
“I don’t have any money.”  
“The Potters will help you, you know that.”  
“I’ve been blasted off the tapestry.”   
“You’ve always wanted that anyway.”  
“Yeah Lils, but… I don’t have any parents anymore.”  
Sirius sunk onto his knees, and let Lily hold him while he wept.

——————————————————————————

Sirius went to the bathroom and splashed his face with water to make it look like he hadn’t been crying. He was well practiced at this, because when he was cursed he never wanted his parents, well, ex-parents, to know that they’d affected him.  
As soon as he emerged from the bathroom, he faced a very concerned looking Remus. Assuming Lily had told him what happened, he opened with “Moony, I’m okay, really-“  
“Shut up.” Remus interrupted. “Shut up and come here.”  
Sirius found himself pulled into a tight hug, and suddenly he felt okay again.   
“Love you Pads.”  
His heart warmed. “Love you too, Moony.”

——————————————————————————

Everyone was wasted. Marlene and Dorcas were attached at the lip, Sirius and Remus were falling over each other, Alice and Frank were clearly emotional drunks, judging by the way that they were weeping and hugging each other, Mary and Peter were awkwardly holding hands (a win, in Peter’s book) and James was gaining the courage to ask Lily to be his New Year’s Kiss. Noticing Lily blushing, Remus sighed and pulled Lily aside.  
Sirius moved closer to listen in on their conversation.  
“You should kiss him.” Remus whispered.  
“I’m kissing you!” Lily shouted.  
“Shut it!” He hushed. “Kiss James… you know you want to,” Remus smirked.  
Alright, thought Sirius. REMUS WAS KISSING LILY? I DON’T THINK SO!  
Sirius interrupted their conversation. “Lily, James has never wanted anything more than this. And, haven’t you seen him grow up this year, already? You don’t have to ever do it again, but it’s New Years!” Sirius tried to sound convincing, but he just came off as jealous.  
“You just want to kiss Remus,” she smirked.  
“Do not!”  
“Do too!”  
“GO AND KISS JAMES YOU FLAMING-“  
“SIRIUS!” Yelled Remus. “CALM DOWN!”  
Lily took a breath. “Alright then.” She said, strutting over to James.  
“Wait, WHAT?!” Sirius and Remus yelled in unison. Remus burst out laughing, and then his face became very sober.  
“Sirius, I can’t kiss you.”  
“Moony, it’s New Years Eve!”  
“No, Sirius, I can’t, okay?”  
Sirius frowned and huffed. “Fine. I’ll kiss James.”  
“He’s kissing Lily.”  
“I’ll kiss Peter.”  
“Pretty sure he’s going for Mary.”  
“I’ll kiss Frank.”  
“Pads, he’s got Ali-“  
“SHUT UP REMUS!” Sirius stormed off to sit on the couch with his arms crossed like a child. Remus sighed and sat down next to him.  
He was about to speak, when the countdown started.  
They all yelled “TEN, NINE, EIGHT-“ Dorcas and Marlene held their faces close together “SEVEN, SIX, FIVE-“ James and Lily were holding hands, blushing intensely “FOUR-“ Mary had pulled Peter out of his chair “THREE-“ Alice and Frank had stopped crying and started laughing “TWO, ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”  
Dorcas and Frank pulled their respective girlfriends in. Peter and Mary were actually snogging!   
James and Lily… JAMES AND LILY WERE KISSING.  
As soon as the New Year began, Sirius felt Remus pull him in for a kiss. One they had started, they couldn’t stop.  
Sirius was in heaven. Remus’ mouth was devouring his own, and he was returning the kiss with as much fervour as Remus was powering it with.  
They finally pulled apart to catch their breath. “Holy shit.” Sirius exhaled.  
“Holy fucking shit.” Remus smiled.  
Sirius leaned in for another kiss. “Nuh uh uh!” Remus shook his finger. “New Years Kiss! That’s it, okay?”  
Knowing it was better not to argue, Sirius sighed. “Fine. But when this happens again, it will be much longer.”  
“So it’s happening again, is it?”  
“Oh shut up Moony.”  
Remus pulled Sirius in. “Happy New Year Pads.”  
Sirius was glowing. “Happy New Year, Moony.”

————————————————————————————-

The next morning was full of teenagers rushing around trying to desperately pack their bags, experiencing their first hangover without a potion to ease the pain.  
Sirius was dealing with a pounding headache when Marlene yelled “BLOODY FUCKING HELL!” from less than a foot away from him.  
“MARLENE!” Yelled Mrs Potter, entering the room.  
“Sorry Mrs Potter!” Marlene smiled guiltily.  
“What’s the problem honey?”  
“Just… headache,” she frowned.  
“Dare I say you should have seen it coming?” Dorcas and Sirius tried to hide her laughter. Marlene glared at them.  
Chuckling, Euphemia handed Sirius his washing and left the room  
“Thanks mum!” He called after her.  
“Of course, darling!” He heard her respond as she headed downstairs.

An hour later, eight teenagers were standing at the door, trunks in one hand, groaning and rubbing their temples with the other.  
“You all look cheery!” Fleamont beamed at them.  
Every single one of them glared back at him.  
“Wow, tough crowd.” They continued glaring. “Okay, Euphemia will be apparating the girls, and I’ll be taking the boys. Now, grab her arms girls,” he watched as Marlene, Dorcas, Lily, Alice and Mary attached themselves to Euphemia - “and boys, grab my arms. Now! Euphemia will explain the safety… situation,” he trailed off, trying not to laugh.  
They all looked very scared. “So, let’s not sugarcoat it, you are all extremely hungover. Unfortunately apparating while hungover is a… less than pleasant experience.”  
Sirius realised that usual apparition made him feel sick, so how would it feel when he already wants to throw up? “Mum, do we have to?”  
“Unless you want to stay here all term, then unfortunately you will have to deal with it. Righto! Here we go!” She called, and suddenly Sirius was spinning and landing with a jolt at Kings Cross Station.   
All of the friends looked at each other, and promptly threw up.  
“Scourgify!” Called Euphemia immediately. “Now, doesn’t that feel better!”  
Surprisingly, it did. They all nodded. “Great. Now, load up your trunks and I’ll see you all over Summer!” They all rushed to hug Mr and Mrs Potter, thanking them for having them.  
Sirius and James hung back.  
“Now, Sirius, we’ve got to get you on the train as quickly as possible, that’s why we came early.” Sirius looked confused, so Fleamont continued, “We would prefer to avoid any altercations with the Blacks, if possible.”  
“Oh, fuck, yes,” Sirius panicked. Realising he’d sworn, he apologised. “Sorry mum. Sorry dad. They just stress me out.”  
“Completely understandable, dear. Now, James, Sirius, give your parents a hug.”  
James and Sirius embraced Fleamont and Euphemia, and James waved, climbing onto the train.  
“Thank you so much.” Sirius smiled at them, and climbed in behind James.

——————————————————————————————

On the way to Hogwarts, Sirius drifted in and out of sleep, leaning Remus’ shoulder. He needed a hangover potion, and James bought some for all of them off a seventh year.  
Downing it in one go, Sirius shook his NOT-pounding head. He smiled to himself.  
Fuck yes, he thought. Full moon tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this from a crappy hospital bed so I'm sorry if its sub-par.  
> Really loved this storyline, and there will be light smut next chapter but I'll let you know where it starts and finishes if you want to avoid it!
> 
> Comment! Kudos! Enjoy!


	24. Chapter 24 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Full moons... and some smut.
> 
> Light smut starts at "Okay, do your worst." and ends at "Remus only had a couple of minutes..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like smut, skip it. There won't be much more.
> 
> This chapter is basically when Remus first lets Sirius touch him.  
> Progress people progress!

Remus had returned to Hogwarts and unpacked with all of the other students. The train arrived at around 3, and moonrise was at 7, so Remus decided to head over to the shack at 5. He was hoping to smoke and read and get the fuck away from PEOPLE for a bit. He walked to the shack through Hogsmeade, because he had no way of passing the willow without alerting Madam Pomfrey, and as lovely as she was, he didn’t want to deal with her right now.

Heaving himself up the stairs, Remus collapsed on the mattress before getting up to sit on the floor and lean against the wall for a smoke. His father had brought him some more cigarettes at Christmas. Many people would find that irresponsible and ‘bad-parenting’ however Lyall knew that if Remus was going to release stress, the only other strategy he had ever tried was… well, detrimental to his health. Far more so than cigarettes. Remus doesn’t like thinking about it.

His eyes were closed as he exhaled the smoke. He felt calm, until he heard footsteps coming the stairs. Fuck, he thought. He needed too stub out the cigarette and get his book out, now. Unfortunately he hadn’t managed to set up an acceptable scene by the time the person came to the door. Bracing himself for a lecture from Poppy, Remus sighed, only to look up and see Sirius.  
“Bloody hell! I thought you were Pomfrey! Almost wasted a cigarette and everything!” Remus huffed.  
“You disappointed it’s me instead of Poppy?” Sirius smirked.  
“You’re the worst.”  
“Nah, you love me.”  
Choosing not to respond, Remus pulled out a cigarette. “Want a smoke?” He offered it to Sirius.  
“Yeah, definitely.” Sirius took a seat on the floor next to Remus, opening the window above them.  
“Pads, it’s bloody freezing.”  
“Yeah, it is. Would you rather be cold for a bit or be an angry wolf who can’t escape the smell cigarettes all night?”  
Sirius did make a good point. “Fine.” He lit Sirius’ smoke, and admired the boy’s lips as he wrapped them around the cigarette and inhaled deeply.  
Fuck. Sirius had caught him staring. Smirking at him, Sirius said “Hey, you’re the one who doesn’t want to kiss me.”  
Cursing his patience, Remus responded “It’s not that I don’t want to…” Remus trailed off. “I can’t! Now stop tempting me!”  
“What if I want to tempt you?”  
“Fuck off.”  
Sirius was shuffling cards in his hands. “What are those for?”  
“Exploding snap?”  
Remus was incredibly thankful for a distraction. “Yes. Definitely.”

——————————————————————————————

About one hundred games later, Remus called it and said he wanted another smoke and then to lie down.  
“Can I have one?” Sirius asked quietly.  
“Why so nervous Pads? Course,” he offered the pack to Sirius.  
Taking one, Sirius explained. “I just don’t want you to think I’m using you, that’s all.” He sounded genuinely nervous.  
Remus almost laughed. “Pads, it’s me. You’re not using me. You know I say no if I need to.”  
“Yes, unfortunately I know all about you saying no!”  
Remus laughed, and inhaled.

After vanishing Sirius and his own cigarette butts, Remus climbed up to bed. He almost fell over and groaned at the pain in his knees on the way up.  
“Hey, hey, hey, Moony, let me help you.”  
“I don’t need your help!” Remus huffed. He proceeded to tumble to the floor.  
Sirius caught him before he hit the ground. “You sure?”  
“Help me onto the bed. Please,” Remus added.  
Sirius guided him to the four poster and lifted him up.  
“Wow, my knight in shining armour.” Remus joked.  
“What? Why am I a knight?”   
Remus sighed. “It’s a character in muggle stories. I’ll tell you about it some time.”  
“Oh. Okay.”  
The two lay in silence for a while, before Sirius slung his leg over Remus and put his head on his chest.“Am hurting you?” Sirius asked.  
“No.” Responded Remus. In all honesty, it was a bit painful having a leg slung over his knees, but he was enjoying the pressure because it was Sirius.  
They were quiet for a while longer.   
Just when Remus started to drift off to sleep, Sirius piped up. “Moony?”  
“Yeah, Pads?” If there was any frustration in Remus’ voice, Sirius didn’t pick up on it.  
“Will you tell me a story?”  
“What story?” Remus was confused.  
“You know, one about the knight in shining armour?”  
For some reason, Remus blushed at this. “Yeah Pads, sure.”

—————————————————————————————

Remus was finishing telling Sirius about ‘Rapunzel’ when James and Peter walked in.   
Sirius’ laughing stopped. “Wow, Sirius, someones on time,” James smirked.  
Remus looked at Sirius, who was almost in tears. Remus mouthed ’stop!’ to James, who just shrugged in response.  
“It’s bloody cold in here, did you have a window open?” Peter asked.  
“No, it’s just the middle of winter, Peter.” Remus snarled. Peter looked hurt, and Remus guiltily added “Sorry. Just the wolf. Bit of a bastard sometimes.”  
Peter smiled. “All good Moony.”  
Remus had really good friends. “Hey, guys?”  
“Yeah?” They responded in unison.“Thanks.”  
“For what?” Asked James.  
“Being here.”  
“‘Course, Moony.” Sirius beamed.  
“Well, Sirius is here because he wants to jump your bones, but James and I? Of course.” Peter added.  
Sirius didn’t even try to deny it.

—————————————————————————————-

Remus only remembered snippets of his transformations. For example, he remembered Moony rolling around with Padfoot, and jokingly chasing Wormtail. He remembered play fighting with Prongs, and chasing rabbits deep into the woods. Other than small moments like that, everything else was a blur. Sometimes he was glad that he didn’t remember, because he didn’t really want to know what he got up to when he was a bloodthirsty monster, but other times, after good transformations, he wished that he could keep the memories that he had of running through the woods with his best friends.

Whenever Remus transformed back, he felt incredibly vulnerable. One of the boys, usually Peter, because Remus was the least self conscious around him, covered Remus with a blanket and threw up a warming charm while Remus waited for Madam Pomfrey (who was always suspicious about how Remus cast a warming charm without his wand. She thought it best not to ask.). When Sirius or James stayed, they had the strength to lift Remus onto the bed. The boys usually stayed until the sun had fully risen, and then snuck out under the cloak, but when Sirius stayed, he always stayed with Remus until Madam Pomfrey arrived, ducking under the clock at the last minute. 

When he woke up this particular morning, he was lying on the bed, but instead of James or Sirius or Peter sitting at the end of the bed, waiting for the sun to come up, Sirius was lying next to him. Remus smiled, and then suddenly became aware that he was very, very naked. A think blanket (could it even be called a blanked? It was the thickness of a scarf his mum wore as decoration over summer dresses) covered his bottom half. He almost felt even more exposed than if he had been completely bare. Remus glanced over, and was relieved to see that Sirius was asleep. He had no idea what he would do when the other boy woke up, but he was so sore from having his bones snapped in and out of place that he couldn’t really find in in himself to care.  
Then while Sirius was asleep, he ran his hand over Remus’ chest, brushing his nipples.  
Fuck. Remus was hard.  
McGonagall in a bikini, he thought, McGonagall in a bikini, but that wasn’t working. That was his last resort! He just closed his eyes and hoped that it would go away.  
Seriously though, he had just been bent in and out of shape and had cuts and grazes over quite literally all of his body! How, he wondered, could he be turned on right now?!  
He couldn’t even manage to touch himself for days after the full moon, let alone the day after. A higher power was NOT looking out for him, and he was pissed about it.  
Remus had been lost in his thoughts for what must have been at least ten minutes, and he could sense that Sirius was awake next to him. He prayed to whatever higher power that was fucking him over for Sirius to still be asleep.

Remus gained the courage to look over, and found a very awake Sirius, who was smirking at his hard on. Fuck you, higher power.   
Remus couldn’t say anything. Firstly, he didn’t know what to say, but even if he did, he seemed to have lost the ability for speech entirely. He turned away from Sirius and started at the ceiling, cursing his body for betraying him at a time like this.  
Sirius laughed, very, very quietly. If not for his freakish werewolf hearing, Remus wouldn’t have heard him at all.  
Clenching his teeth, Remus looked at Sirius, who was grinning. “Want a hand with that?” Sirius asked, flicking his eyes back and forward from Remus’ to his boner.  
Did he seriously just say that? Am I hallucinating? Did those words just come out of Sirius Black’s mouth? These were just some of the thoughts violently racing through Remus’ mind.  
“Remus? You’re going a bit loopy there.”  
Remus just groaned and looked back at Sirius.  
Sirius just grinned again. “I said, do you want a hand with that?”  
Now, something that is important to understand is that Remus tried, he really tried, to say no. But he also thought, I am a werewolf. I literally just went through a transformation that left some bones broken and grazes all over my body. I am in so much fucking pain, and making this go away would really, really help. So, he cut himself some slack.  
“Um…” It would just be so nice.  
“You can say yes you know. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”  
“I’m not worried about it making me a bad person!” Remus strained, exasperated.  
“Then what exactly are you worried about?” Sirius looked genuinely intrigued, but Remus didn’t exactly know what he was worried about either. He took a deep breath.  
“Ok, Sirius, if we do this-“  
Sirius gave Remus the most intense smirk Remus had ever seen.  
“IF we do this, you need to know this.”  
“Dish it out Moony. What do I need to know before I make you come?”  
Fucking hell! screamed Remus internally. If he wasn’t impossibly hard before, he definitely was now.  
He tried to compose himself before continuing. “Firstly, I’m agreeing partly because it is the moon and I am sore.”  
“God, you make it sound like I’m offering to kill you or something. But yeah, easy. Now-“  
Remus cut him off. “I do not have the energy to return the favour.”  
“Got it. So-“  
He cut Sirius off again. “And most importantly, this does not mean we are together!”  
Sirius smirked. “I mean it!” Remus emphasised.  
“Ugh. Fine. Can I-“  
“Say you understand. Understood?”  
“I love when you boss me around in bed, it’s so-“  
“Sirius.” Remus growled.  
“You’re no fun. Yes, though. Understood.”  
Remus smiled. “Okay. Do your worst.”  
Sirius whispered “Close your eyes,” and nipped Remus’ earlobe. Remus’ eyes rolled back in his head, and he gripped the sheets.

Sirius was stroking his chest, agonisingly slowly. He was brushing over his nipples, making Remus gasp every time. Remus heard Sirius snicker every time Remus made those noises.   
Slowly, Sirius took a nipple into his mouth. “Fuck!” Remus arched his chest. “Sorry,” he whimpered.  
“Don’t apologise. I want to know you feel good.” Sirius was going to make him come by just speaking if he kept on like this.  
“Hurry. Up.” Remus growled.  
“Okay, baby,” Sirius said seductively. Remus felt like he was melting when ‘baby’ came out of Sirius’ mouth.   
Then a thought crossed his mind that made him feel sick. “Wait. Sirius?”  
Noting Remus’ seriousness, Sirius sat up and met his eyes. “Yeah? Am I doing something wrong?”  
“No, it’s just… is this what you did with all the other girls?” Remus tried to sound nonchalant, but it just came out sad.  
“Moony, it was never like this. With anyone else. You’re Moony, my Moony. You’re special,” Sirius smiled genuinely.  
Remus’ heart warmed. “Okay. Continue.”  
“Yes sir.” Remus didn’t want to admit that Sirius calling him Sir could’ve made him come, even more than ‘baby’.  
Sirius brushed his hand over the scarf, just barely touching Remus’ cock. He kept repeating this movement as he moved up to kiss Remus’ neck.  
“Moony?”  
“Yeah?” Said Remus, his voice breathy.  
“Hand or mouth?” Sirius growled.  
“Hand. Hand for now.”  
“Okay baby.” Sirius bit down on Remus’ neck, making him cry out.  
“Sorry, that was loud,” Remus whispered.  
“I like you loud.” Sirius stated. Remus almost lost it, right then and there.  
“Fuck,” Remus whispered as Sirius pulled down the scarf, exposing him to the cool air.  
“You’re so beautiful,” Sirius whispered as he wrapped his hand around Remus’ cock.  
Remus bucked up into his touch. “Hey, hey, calm,” Sirius said soothingly, running his free hand up and down Remus’ inner thighs.  
Remus was in heaven. This, he decided, was pure ecstasy. He looked up when Sirius removed his hand to see him licking his palm, and then resuming to stroke Remus.  
“Ohhhhhhh,” Remus moaned. Sirius’ saliva was On. His. Cock.  
Sirius stopped. Remus whined the lack of contact. “Moony, are you okay? Is this okay? I haven’t done it before I’m sorry if it’s bad I do-“  
“Pads, I’m amazing. It’s amazing. You’re amazing.” Remus soothed. Sirius Black was nervous?  
Sirius started stroking faster, twisting at the base. Oh, thought Remus. There’s the confidence I know and love. Sirius took his other hand to squeeze and play with Remus’ balls, and pushed his finger lower, and just when Remus was going to come from Sirius touching his hole, Sirius stopped.  
“Can I do something baby?”  
If he was going to call him baby, Remus would let him do anything. “God, yes, anything,” Remus panted.  
“I want to taste you.” Sirius grinned wolfishly and leant over to take Remus into his mouth.  
“FUCK!” Remus yelled. Sirius’ mouth was hot and tight and better than he ever imagined. All it took was three bobs of Sirius’ head before Remus was coming.  
He forced himself to keep his eyes open. He couldn’t miss this moment. Sirius swallowed everything, and kept sucking until Remus was completely spent.  
Sirius crawled back up and settled on Remus’ chest. “How was that, sir?” Oh. So Sirius had noticed that Remus liked that. Oh dear.  
“Holy shit,” Remus panted. “Fucking amazing. You’re fucking amazing.”  
Remus pulled Sirius down for a kiss.

Remus only had a couple of minutes to recover before he heard Poppy calling his name from downstairs.   
“Sirius! Cloak!” Remus hissed.  
“I’ll come see you later,” Sirius kissed him and hid under the cloak, invisible in the corner.

Remus barely limped on his way back to the castle.  
“Hardly limping! You finally let the tension go. I’m glad dear,” Poppy smiled.  
‘Let the tension go’, thought Remus. Well, that’s one way to put it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've barely written smut before, so I did my best.  
> Ok, spoiler, but they may or may not get together in the next chapter.
> 
> Comment!
> 
> xo Gabs


	25. Chapter 25 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The get together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has happened!  
> Next up: 3 months later.
> 
> READ BOTTOM NOTES  
> *******  
> The next fic will be the first war remix: 7th year to azkaban!
> 
> 6 more chapters left! 2 of them are short.

Sirius was creeping across the grounds under the cloak, and all that he could think, was ‘Holy Shit.’  
His chest was tight, but not in a bad way, and he never wanted to taste anything else. This was, by far, the best day of his life.  
He had made Remus moan. He had reduced Remus, the most reserved person on the face of the Earth, to a whimpering mess. This was what power felt like. He swore to himself that he wouldn’t abuse it.

——————————————————————

“Sirius mate, head out of the clouds!” James yelled, waving his hand in Sirius’ face. “What did you get up to that’s made you all Moony-eyed? Wait-“  
Sirius smirked.  
“No, no, no, no, no….” James groaned, his head in his hands. “On the list of things that I don’t want to know, that is at the TOP! PETER!”  
Peter woke up from his day dream on the common room couch. “Prongs?”  
“Sirius… and Moony… ARGH!” James ran screaming out of the portrait hole.  
Peter stared at Sirius. “Tell me he’s bullshitting.”  
For some reason, Sirius realised that this interaction really mattered, and he kept a straight face. “No, he’s not. But please don’t tell Remus I told you.”  
Peter considered this for a moment. “Fine. But I swear on Wormtail’s life that if you hurt him again, I will break your legs. Actually no, I’ll get the girls to break your legs.”   
Sirius shuddered at the thought of angering Marlene, Dorcas and Lily again. “Okay. Deal.”  
Peter smiled brightly, jumping up. “Alright then! Breakfast!”

——————————————————————

Sirius had never concentrated as hard as he did that day. He asked questions when he didn’t understand, he behaved so that he wouldn’t be held back, and he furiously took notes that were legible for once. McGonagall looked suspicious in Transfiguration and snuck behind Sirius to snatch up the paper she assumed he was using to communicate with James, only to see detailed notes and diagrams of everything that they had gone through that lesson. Sirius realised that McGonagall had never, ever looked that shocked.  
“Professor? Could I please have my notes back?”  
“Oh, yes, of course Mr Bla-“ Sirius watched her quizzically. “Sirius. Of course Sirius.” She handed him his notes back, and the class looked at him like he was a hero.

McGonagall was reiterating some of the earlier points from the lesson, which gave Sirius a chance to wonder why she had corrected herself to say Sirius instead of Mr Black. He had a mental note to ask James after the lesson, instead of passing him one now. If he was held back, he couldn’t bring the notes to Remus at lunch. Instead, Sirius sighed, and wrote down the homework.

——————————————————————

Knocking on the door to the hospital wing, Sirius entered and was faced with a Madam Pomfrey who… didn’t look angry? What an odd day, he thought.   
“Mr Black- Sorry, Sirius. Remus has been asking for you.”  
What the hell was going on? “Yes, can I see him?”  
“Of course, dear.” She gestured for him to follow her to the bed on the end.   
Sirius pulled open a curtain and was faced with Remus holding a book, his bed covered with chocolate. Remus looked up and his face softened. “Hey, Pads.”  
“Hi Moony!” Sirius couldn’t help but beam. The memory of this morning was still fresh in his mind, and he was giddy.  
“Someone’s cheery,” Remus smiled.  
“Someone’s… not,” Sirius was disappointed. Maybe it wasn’t good for Remus.  
“Pads, I just transformed into a bloodthirsty monst-“  
“You’re not a monster!” Sirius protested.  
“A bloodthirsty monster and had my bones bent in and out of shape. I’m just in a bit of pain, that’s all.” Sirius frowned. “This morning was amazing, okay?”  
Sirius smiled and mumbled, “Okay, good.”  
“C’mere,” Remus whispered and reached his arms out to Sirius.  
Sirius gleefully wrapped his arms around Remus and perched on the side of the bed. “Oh, wait, I brought you something!” Sirius pulled out a massive stack of notes from Charms and Transfiguration.  
Remus was wide-eyed. “Pads… thank you,” he almost whimpered. “I felt like I was falling behind… this helps so much. Thank you.”  
“I love you,” Sirius added.  
Sirius watched Remus struggle not to say it back, and he settled for the kiss Remus gave him on the forehead. Sirius returned this with a forehead kiss of his own. Remus kissed Sirius on the cheek. Sirius kissed Remus on the corner of his mouth, and suddenly they were kissing. It was intense, full of love and passion unspoken. Sirius let himself get lost in the feeling, and was wrenched back into reality when Remus pulled back. “I can’t,” he muttered.  
Sirius tried not to get frustrated. “I don’t get it Remus. We love each other, why can’t we-“  
“Because of everything that’s happened, Pads,” Remus tried to explain.  
Sirius wanted to be angry, but deep down he knew that it was a miracle Remus even liked him after everything, and Sirius couldn’t expect anything more. He plastered on his most genuine smile and said “Alright then.”  
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Remus whispered “Pads?”  
“Yeah Moons?”  
“I’m scared that if we wait any longer you’ll just move on.” Remus seemed to be on the brink of tears.  
Sirius grasped Remus’ hand and stroked his cheek. “I meant it you know, when I said you were My Moony. You’re special.”  
“I thought you just said that because it was sex,” Remus whimpered.  
Sirius was filled with guilt. Remus wouldn’t feel like this if Sirius hadn’t fucked up in the first place. “God, Moony, no, no, of course not. We could never touch again and I would still love you. Even though you don’t want to be with me-“ Sirius choked saying those words “- I don’t want to be with anyone else.”  
Sirius saw Remus meekly smile. “Okay.”  
“Okay?”  
“Okay.” Remus sat up, wincing, and pulled Sirius in. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, you know. I just want it to be right.”  
Sirus calmed instantly at those words. “Okay Moony. Okay.”  
——————————————————————

That night, Sirius helped Remus up to the dorm, and put him in bed. Sirius climbed into his own bed, and shut the curtains. The dorm was silent for a while, before Sirius heard Remus pull back his curtains and whisper “Pads?”  
Sirius pulled his back and whispered “Yeah?”  
“C’mere.”  
Sirius padded over to Remus’ bed and whispered “You okay?”  
“Pads.” Sirius cocked his head, confused. “Don’t be stupid. Get in.”  
Sirius climbed into Remus’ bed, and remembered something. “Remus?”  
“Yes?”  
“Why are all the teachers calling me Sirius?”  
“Well, I told Dumbledore you weren’t a Black. I’m glad he got the hint.”  
Beaming, Sirius wrapped himself around Remus and drifted off to sleep.

He woke up that morning to James and Peter standing over him. He and Remus jumped. “God! Some warning would be nice!”  
“Peter and I are wondering something.” Peter nodded in agreement.  
“Must you wonder over my bed at fuck o’clock in the morning?!” Remus huffed.  
“Yes, actually. Now is the perfect time.” Stated Peter.  
“Fine. What is it?” Sighed Sirius.  
“We were wondering why the fuck aren’t you two dating?!” James raised his voice. “Remus?” James asked. He didn’t get a response.   
“Sirius?” Asked Peter.   
“I don’t know myself, so I’m not of much help,” Sirius added, lazily.  
“Bloody fucking hell!” Remus yelled, and picked up his wand to flick the curtains shut, and place a charm (that Sirius decided he definitely had to learn) so that they couldn’t open them back up.  
“This isn’t over!” Yelled Peter.  
“It’s never over,” sighed Remus, drifting back to sleep.  
Sirius stayed awake for a long time.

—————————————————————-

For the next week, Sirius walked Remus from class to class. For the first few days, it was fairly subtle that he was doing so, until he started walking with Remus to Ancient Runes.  
“Sirius?” Remus questioned.  
“Yeah?”  
“Do you take Ancient Runes?”  
“No.” Sirius answered nonchalantly.  
“Why are you going to Ancient Runes?”  
“I’m not going to Ancient Runes, Remus, I’m walking to Ancient Runes.”  
“Why are you walking to Ancient Runes?”  
Sirius was nervous, but he didn’t let it show. “Because you’re walking to Ancient Runes.”  
“Sirius, why are you walking me to Ancient Runes?”  
Sirius was silent to a moment, before he came out with it. “Because I love you, and I want to be around you all the time, because you’re my favourite person.”  
Sirius noticed Remus trying to hide a smile. “You’re going to be late for class.”  
“I don’t care. I love you too much.”  
Remus stopped in his tracks, dropped his books and knocked Sirius’ out of his hands. “I love you too, you twat.” and embraced Sirius, snogging him silly in front of the entire entrance hall.

——————————————————————

That night in the common room, Sirius and Remus were lazily trading kisses on the couch.  
“Pads?”  
“Mmmm?”  
“I still don’t condone you missing classes.”  
Sirius rolled his eyes, and snuggled into his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next fic is 3 months later. Get excited.  
> Also, get excited for the sequel, I've already started writing!
> 
> PSA GUYS: I HAVE WRITTEN A SMUTTY CHAPTER COMING UP, BUT IF NO ONE WANTS TO READ THAT I CAN ALTER IT TO BE MORE SUGGESTIVE, AND LESS DESCRIPTIVE.  
> PLEASE, PLEASE COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD PREFER.  
> MUCH APPRECIATED!  
> XX - Gabs!


	26. THREE MONTHS LATER - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's okay to be gay, clingy boyfriends and Uncle Alphard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bittersweet, I know.  
> This story is coming to an end, but the sequel's looking good!

Ever since the day that Remus kissed Sirius in front of all of Hogwarts, they’ve been smitten with each other ever since.  
James and Peter still mime throwing up when the two kiss in front of them, but Remus knows that it isn’t because they’re gay, it’s because their two best mates are playing ‘tongue tennis’ (Peter’s words) in front of them. Lily is still suspicious of Sirius, but most of the time she happily hangs out with them, and more recently, with Sirius, alone.  
The first time that the two hung out alone, James didn’t speak to Sirius for a week.

Remus could honestly say that he was happy. Truly, purely happy. He was free from worry, and he never doubted Sirius’ loyalty, because he discovered that Sirius was more like Padfoot than he thought. Sirius would follow him around, and kiss him constantly, he would always want to be touching him and the compliments never ceased. Alice asked Remus one day, “Do you ever just want him to leave you alone?”  
To which Remus responded “No. Never.”

—————————————————————-

They went on double dates with Marlene and Dorcas, and last time that they were in Hogsmeade a third year couple came up to them and asked them whether it ever got easier being gay.  
Remus smiled at him. “Come sit with us, we’ll talk.”  
The small boy, whose name was Edgar, said “Can my friend- wait I can say it here! Can my boyfriend come sit too?”  
Marlene beamed at the boys confidence, and answered “Yes! Of course.”  
“We’d love to meet him.” Dorcas added.  
“Okay! I’ll be right back!” Edgar scurried off and brought a nervous looking boy back into The Three Broomsticks with him.  
“Are you sure they’re not like the others?” Remus heard Edgar’s boyfriend whisper in his ear.  
“No. They’re definitely not.” Edgar introduced Remus, Marlene, Sirius and Dorcas to his boyfriend, whose name was Ben.  
Remus shifted over on his side of the booth to make room for the boys, and they hopped up and sat next to him.  
“So, you were wondering if it ever got easier?” Remus repeated, mostly for Ben’s benefit.  
“Yeah.”  
“Can I say something?” Ben asked.  
“‘Course,” responded Sirius.  
“Did boys ever beat you up, you know, for liking boys?”  
Remus looked concerned, Dorcas looked shocked, and Marlene and Sirius were fuming.  
“Who were they?” Marlene snarled.“What are their names?” Sirius growled.  
The two looked at each other. “Can we kill them?” They asked in unison.  
“No! Please don’t!” Ben pleaded.  
Remus threw a glare at Marlene and Sirius and said “No, of course they won’t. Dorcas and I won’t let them.”  
Ben relaxed and Edgar grabbed his hand. As soon as their hands touched, Ben flinched, looking around.  
“Hey, Ben. I’m Dorcas. None of us are going to judge you, okay?”  
He nodded nervously. “Do you want to hear a story?” She whispered to Edgar and Ben.  
“Yeah, we would.” Edgar answered for them both.  
“Remus will help me tell it, yeah?” Remus nodded.  
“Marlene and I have been together for two years, and there was a lot of hate at first. We just decided that we loved each other, and that’s all that matters,” Dorcas smiled.  
“When I told my friends that I was gay, they didn’t tell anyone. No one actually knew until Sirius and I fought because we didn’t realise how much we loved each other. Then I kissed him in front of everyone.” Remus smiled. “A lot of Slytherins call us really nasty names, but just remember, they just don’t understand. You love each other, and that’s enough.”  
Ben and Edgar smiled at them and walked out of the pub holding hands for everyone to see.  
“So we’re beating them up If we ever see them hitting those two, right?” Marlene looked at Sirius.  
“Obviously Marls.”  
Dorcas and Remus rolled their eyes.

——————————————————————

Peter had started dating Mary McDonald, and James and Lily were making progress. (Remus decided that Lily not hexing James constantly and hanging out with him voluntarily was definitely progress.)

One day, Remus and Sirius were lying in bed when an unfamiliar owl pecked at the window. Remus opened it and grabbed the letter, feeding (her?) an owl treat before (she?) flew away.  
Remus saw that the letter was for Sirius, from ‘Cameron Wheeler’. Remus had no clue who that was. “Who’s Cameron Wheeler?” He asked.  
Sirius cocked his head, thinking. “No clue. Pass it here.” Sirius reached out his hand and tore open the envelope.  
Sirius started to read, and threw the letter down on the bed yelling “Motherfucker!” and put his head in his hands.  
Oh dear, thought Remus. That can’t be good.  
Remus plucked the letter from the bed, and started to read.

Sirius,  
My name’s Cameron. I am, was, Alphard’s partner.  
Alphard is gone. He passed in his sleep. I’m so sorry.  
The funeral’s in the Easter Holidays. I invited Andromeda and her boyfriend, and a couple of Alphard and I’s closest friends.  
I hope you can come, and bring that boyfriend of yours that Alphard told me about.  
I have more gold than I’ll ever need, and he has left everything in his vault to you.  
I’ll give you the key at the funeral.  
\- Cameron

Fuck, thought Remus. The last member of the family who cared about him, gone. Sirius had Andromeda, but she had a life, she wasn’t to look after him.  
At least Sirius wouldn’t have to ask James for gold anymore.  
Still, Remus thought, it still sucks.

“Hey, baby, you okay?” Remus said, his voice soothing Sirius.  
“I will be,” whimpered Sirius, snuggling into Remus’ shoulder. “Will you come with me, to the funeral?”  
“Of course love. Wouldn’t miss it.” Remus felt Sirius smile against his chest. “Wanna sleep?”  
“Can you read to me?”  
“Yeah baby, ‘course.”  
Remus opened some muggle fairytale and read until Sirius fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to say except ;(
> 
> But also, Sirius and Remus are stable!  
> I'm writing the sequel now, but I'm excited for the lie low at lupins story, the grimmauld place story AND THE BRING BACK BLACK STORY. I love the idea of Sirius jealous of Remus and Tonks.


	27. Chapter 27 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral, icecream and McGonagall's bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This made me happy.

Sirius was fixing his hair in the mirror. He had barely spoken all morning, pulling on his dress robes in silence. Just when he had closed his eyes, he felt strong arms wrap around him, and he instantly relaxed.  
“Hey,” whispered Remus into Sirius’ neck.  
“Hey back,” Sirius said.  
“You ready to go?” Remus asked, still holding Sirius close.  
“Yeah. I just don’t want to.”  
“I know baby, I know. I’ll be with you the whole time.”  
Sirius smiled. “I like when you call me that.”  
“When I call you what?”  
“Baby,” Sirius blushed.  
“I’m glad.” Remus kissed Sirius on the cheek, and quietly said “Let’s go.”  
Sirius let himself be pulled out of the room and followed his boyfriend downstairs.

McGonagall was taking the boys to the Funeral. She had been at school with Alphard, and wanted to say goodbye herself.   
“Sirius, Remus,” she addressed them. “Are you ready to go?”  
“Yes, Professor,” Remus answered. Sirius silently nodded his head. “We both are,” Remus added, answering for Sirius.  
“Alright, good. We will be walking to Hogsmeade and apparating from there. Follow me.” She turned around and glided out the front doors in the way that only McGonagall can glide.  
Sirius was silently crying all the way across the grounds, hoping that Remus wouldn’t notice.  
But Remus knew Sirius better than anyone, so, of course, he did. Remus slowed Sirius until they were standing still. “Hey, hey, hey, Pads,” Remus whispered, cupping Sirius’ cheeks. “It’s going to be okay. I’m right here, alright?”  
“You won’t leave?” Sirius whimpered.  
“Never.”  
Sirius gripped Remus’ hand and walked quickly to catch up to McGonagall.

————————————————————————

Sirius discovered that apparating while crying was even more unpleasant than apparating hungover. His head was spinning and he was shaking violently.  
Remus stopped and pulled Sirius in, calling “Professor? We’ll catch up.”  
She turned back to see Sirius sobbing, and responded “Of course. I’ll see you at the wand.”  
The wand was where the Wizarding Tombs were, a tomb for each family. Sirius assumed Alphard and Cameron had a tomb of their own. Sirius wondered where he would lie to rest. He wasn’t welcome with the Black’s, and didn’t want to intrude with the Potter’s. He glanced up at Remus. He hoped he’d be buried with him.  
The thought of lying to rest with Remus forever, calmed Sirius instantly. “Calm, Pads, good. You ready to go?”  
“Yeah. We should catch up.” Those were the most coherent words Sirius had spoken all day, and he squeezed Remus’ hand while they set off for the wand.

When they got there, McGonagall turned to them. “I found the tomb, It’s quite a walk. We can apparate if you’d like?” she offered.  
Remus said “I don’t mind,” and turned to face Sirius.“Can we walk, Professor?”  
“Of course Sirius. Some air would be nice.”  
The three walked in silence for some time, Sirius still gripping Remus’ hand. He had a thought.  
“Professor?”  
“Yes Sirius?” She slowed so that she was walking next to him.  
“Where do the owls go?”  
She looked perplexed. “Which owls?”  
“You know, the ones about my detentions, and stuff like that,” he explained.  
“‘Stuff’ like rigging a cauldron to explode in Professor Slughorn’s face, leaving him with untreatable boils for a week?” She said sternly, but upon looking up at her, he saw that she was smiling.  
“One time, Professor! One time!”  
Sirius got to hear a rare McGonagall laugh. “Sure, Sirius. But yes, I know which owls you mean.”  
“Do they get sent to the Blacks?” He questioned, his voice shaking.  
“No. They get sent to the Potter’s, along with your school lists and every other letter concerning you.” She smiled at him, and picked up the pace so that she was walking in front of them again.  
Sirius utterly beamed. “Professor?”  
She turned her head, but kept walking. “Sirius?”  
“Thank you.”  
“Of course. It’s a relief, really.” Then she added casually, “We don’t like them anymore than you do.”  
Remus looked at Sirius, shocked. Sirius realised that McGonagall had just bad mouthed the Blacks!   
If not for the death and the graveyard and the funeral, today would actually be quite a nice day.

————————————————————————

The funeral was a quiet affair, and Sirius found himself between Remus and Andromeda. He let himself cry into Remus’ shoulder, and Andromeda cried into her Muggle boyfriend Ted’s. He saw McGonagall lift a handkerchief to her eye, and Alphard’s friends all leant on each other, taking comfort in each other’s grief.  
Cameron, however, was inspiring. The man stood up in front of everyone, and held back tears while he told the story of Alphard’s life. He made everyone laugh, and cry. This, Sirius thought, is how he wanted to be remembered.

McGonagall shocked the boys by asking “Would you two like some lunch? Or some icecream?”  
Remus and Sirius just stood there, jaws on the floor.  
“Oh, come on boys, I may be strict but someone just died!”  
Sirius laughed. He wasn’t sure why. He looked up at Remus, hoping he would answer the question for him.  
“Some ice cream would be nice, Professor. We left our money at Hogwarts, though,” Remus added.  
“Come on. My treat.”  
Sirius audibly gasped. “Never tell anyone about this! I have a reputation to uphold!” she mildly shrieked, and led the boys to a safe place to apparate. 

They were suddenly in Diagon Alley, and Sirius was craving ice cream.  
“Fortescues?” McGonagall asked.  
“Of course,” smiled Remus.  
Sirius linked his arm with Remus’, still gripping him tightly.

They were sitting in the sun, Remus licking his chocolate cone, Sirius letting his honeycomb icecream melt on his tongue, and McGonagall enjoying her vanilla in a cup.  
“Can I ask you two something?” McGonagall pondered.  
“Sure, Professor,” Remus answered.  
“Are you two officially together?” Sirius almost fainted. “It’s important that I know.”  
“Um… yeah. We are.” Sirius mumbled.  
“Bugger!” McGonagall exclaimed. This woman was FULL of surprises.  
“Professor, what is it?” Remus matched her volume.  
“I have to go to Gringotts.”  
Without an explanation, McGonagall marched over to Gringotts, still eating her icecream.  
“What the hell was that about?!” Yelled Sirius.  
“Shhhh!” Hushed Remus. “I have no idea!” he yelled in a whisper.  
Sirius leaned in to kiss Remus, and suddenly they were snogging.  
10 seconds or 10 minutes could have passed when Sirius and Remus separated, only to jump at McGonagall staring at them.  
“Oh, don’t rub it in my face,” she sighed.  
“Um, Professor, hate to be rude, but what on earth are you on about?!” Exclaimed Sirius.  
McGonagall pulled out a sizeable sack of gold and plonked it on the table. “This.”  
“And… what is that?” Remus followed up.  
“Twenty-five galleons.”  
Remus yelped. “One hundred and twenty five pounds?!”  
Sirius, who was still confused by muggle money, whispered “What?” at Remus, who just waved him off.  
“What do you need with that?!” Remus exclaimed.  
“It’s because of you two!” She was exasperated.  
“Professor, as much as I love this emotional colour on you-“ she glared at him “-what are you on about?” Questioned Sirius.  
“Well…” she trailed off. Remus and Sirius raised their eyebrows for her to continue. “Professor Dumbledore and I made a little, uh, bet, you see…” She shook her head. “I really shouldn’t be telling you this.”  
“Professor, my Uncle just died!” If Sirius was going to play that card, now was the time.  
“Oh, well, alright. We made a bet: 5 galleons for every year I bet that you would never get together, and he bet 5 galleons every year that you would.”  
“Professor!” Sirius and Remus yelled, outraged  
“He was either going to pay me at the end of your time at Hogwarts, five galleons for each year, or I had to pay up for every year prior if you did.”  
Sirius and Remus cackled. She sighed, and they didn’t stop laughing for what felt like hours.  
“Come on boys, we have to get back,” she sighed again.  
Still laughing, Sirius added “Do we? Then you have to pay Dumbledore!”  
Her face became stern and the boys stopped laughing immediately. “That’s Professor Dumbledore, Sirius.” She grabbed their hands, and then they were spinning.

Once they were back in Hogsmeade, Sirius piped up as they walked back across the grounds. “Why did you think we’d never get together, Professor?”  
“Because you two are so unbelievably stubborn!” She stormed towards the castle, sack of gold in hand.  
“Oh, ye of little faith!” Remus called after her.

The boys looked at each other and chuckled.  
Despite the funeral, today was a good day after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is coming to an end! The next one will pick up right where this one started, so I guess in a way it's just continuing even more.
> 
> Remember McGonagall's attitude when she used the spell at the end of Deathly Hallows? That's what I based her off in this chapter.
> 
> -Turns out hospital is really just me updating constantly.  
> xo Gabs


	28. SUMMER HOLIDAYS- Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visit, a bit of a fight, and a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Setting up for the smut... Get ready!

Remus was lugging his trunk onto the train. Only one more year, he thinks. Damn it.  
Everyone is overjoyed that they only have a year left, but for Remus graduation didn’t mean Auror training, or potioneer college, or studying to become a healer. For Remus, graduation marked the beginning of a life filled with underpaid jobs or no jobs at all. Taking two days off, or more if the transformation is bad, every month, on the full moon, was incredibly suspicious, even in a muggle environment. Graduation meant poverty, and loneliness, and boredom. Remus was smart, he knew that he was smart, but there wasn’t a remote possibility that he could ever have a career, or even hold down a job.   
Sirius would leave him after school, Remus assumed. He would get a flat with James, while Remus aimlessly wandered the UK searching for a job that might accept his affliction. It was useless. To him, 7th year would be his last year of truly living.  
He sighed and took a seat in their compartment, and let himself smile as Sirius lay his lap.

\-----------------------------------------

“I’ll see you in two weeks, Moony!”   
Remus waved back. “Bye Pete!”  
Now, the hard part, thought Remus. Saying goodbye to Sirius. They hadn’t been apart since the day they got together, and even though he knew it was irrational, Remus was scared that Sirius would forget about him.  
Remus greeted Mr and Mrs Potter, thanking them in advance for the invite to come over in two weeks. They smiled and told him he was always welcome, as they always did.   
Remus hugged James. “Prongs! Don’t do anything too stupid without me,” Remus winked.  
“Moony, I’m scared! You’re not there to tame Padfoot! What am I going to do?!” James wailed in despair.  
“Shut it, Prongs. You’ll be fine.” Remus smiled.  
Then, he turned to Sirius, who was… almost crying?  
“Pads! What’s wrong?”  
“I-I just d-don’t want you t-to forget about m-me,” Sirius sobbed.  
Pulling him in, Remus whispered “I could never forget about you Pads.”  
Sirius looked up at him, eyes still watering. “Are you sure?”  
Remus smiled into Sirius’ hair. “Yeah, baby, I’m sure.” Remus felt Sirius relax at the pet name, and kissed him on the forehead.  
“I’ll see you soon okay?”  
“Mmm. ‘Kay,” Sirius smiled at him. “Owl me every day?”  
“PADFOOT! You’re so clingy!” Yelled James.  
Sirius whimpered and turned his back to Remus, clearly embarrassed.  
Remus glared at James and subtly gave him the finger. “Pads, c’mere, don’t worry,” he said softly into Sirius’ ear, turning him around.  
“I’m too clingy. I’m sorry.”  
“You could never be too clingy. I love it. I love you.”  
Sirius beamed. “I love you too.”

—————————————————————

Remus settled back into his room, realising the last time he’d been there was with Sebastian. He missed Sebastian, but not as a boyfriend, as a person. He’d owl him, he decided. But not right now. Right now, he was going to pass out.

Remus woke up to his mum shaking him. “Remus, honey, dinner’s ready,” she spoke quietly.  
Rubbing his eyes, Remus mumbled something that sounded like ‘I’ll be there in a minute’ before he stretched and hauled himself downstairs.  
At dinner, Remus felt like he should tell his parents about Sirius.  
“Mum, dad, I’m dating someone. Just thought you should know.”  
“That’s nice dear,” smiled Hope.  
“Who?” Asked Lyall.  
“Uh, well… Sirius.” He said nervously.  
“Wonderful!” Hope cried.  
“That’s great, son.” Lyall said, flashing Remus a genuine smile.  
Remus must have looked confused, because Hope added “Honey, we’re pleased. We like Sirius. He’s a lovely boy.”  
“I agree.” Lyall added.  
Remus calmed instantly. “Oh. Okay. Well, that’s good.”

After dinner, Remus headed up to bed. On the way up the stairs, he heard his mum whisper to his dad. “Do you think he noticed that we knew?”   
“No, don’t think so. It should be a surprise.”  
Remus tried to make sense of that interaction as he changed for bed. How did they know?   
Weird, he thought, as he drifted off to sleep.

Remus woke up, well, can you call it waking up if you never slept? This was the first night all year that he’d spent without Sirius. It made him feel yucky inside.   
Then, suddenly, he was thinking of Sirius, wrapped around him, his arm stroking his chest…  
Remus wrapped his hand around his cock and let himself get lost in his thoughts.

In a post-orgasm daze, Remus wrote to Sirius.

Pads,  
I couldn’t sleep all night because you weren’t there. It was horrible. I miss you so much, and it’s only been a day. God, I’m so pathetic.  
Two weeks, right? Just two weeks. I don’t know that I’ll manage.  
I would come earlier, but for some reason mum and dad want me here.   
I told them we were together, but I heard them talking about how they already knew? It was weird.  
I bloody miss you so fucking much.  
I miss Prongs and Wormtail too, of course, but it’s not the same. I wouldn’t ever say this to your face for fear of burning with embarrassment, but you’re like home to me.  
Coming home doesn’t feel as nice anymore, because the only place I belong is with you.  
I wish I could touch you, just to remember that all of it was real. I wish I could have proof that all of it was real.  
It is real, right?  
I don’t know how I got so lucky.  
I love you - Moony

Remus didn’t read over the letter, because he knew that if he did, he would freak out and not send it.  
Instead, he sealed the envelope, and headed to the Owl Post Office in his local village. 

Remus was incredibly annoyed that the family owl was delivering something, because he really didn’t feel like walking twenty minutes to town, but his mother assured him that it was ‘good exercise’. Bloody exercise, he snarled.  
Once he reached the village, he crept down a small lane and tapped his wand against a door. It swung open to reveal a small cluster of shops.  
There was a post office, and a robe’s shop that seemed to exclusively sell robes for old rich witches, an apothecary, and other small shops that would open and close within the space of a week.  
His own little Diagon Alley is what Remus liked to call it.  
Choosing a snowy owl, Remus tied the letter to her leg and told her to go to the Potter Estate, and that the letter was for Sirius Black. Seeming to have understood him, the owl took flight.   
Remus had written the letter on some muggle notepad that copied the writing onto two pieces of paper, so Remus was avoiding going home and having to read it.

——————————————————————

He wandered around to a record store, where he browsed the new releases for some time, before feeling a hand tap his shoulder. He spun around and was faced with an (admittedly extremely attractive) muggle (as far as he knew) boy.  
“Haven’t seen you around here before,” the boy said seductively.  
“Yeah. I’ve been at boarding school. Remus,” he reached out his hand for the boy to shake it.  
“Andrew.” The boy shook his hand. “Maybe I’m being too forward, but I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight?”  
Remus opened his mouth to politely decline when the door swung open and a familiar voice boomed “NO ACTUALLY, HE DOES NOT!”  
Sirius?  
“I think he can answer for himself,” Andrew snarled.  
“I think I can answer for him!” Sirius snapped.  
“Who even are you?” The boy rolled his eyes, trying to get Remus to tell him to go away.  
“I’m his boyfriend.” Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand and stomped out of the store.  
“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Sirius yelled.  
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!”  
Sirius stepped closer to Remus. “I’M NOT THE ONE FLIRTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE!”  
“IF YOU HAD WAITED FIVE FUCKING SECONDS YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN ME TELL HIM I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!” Remus sighed and sat on the curb. “Do you not trust me?”  
Sirius looked broken. “I’m sorry.” Remus just waved him off. “Remus, I’m sorry. I thought you would forget about me.”  
“When have I ever been the one disloyal to you?” Immediately after Remus spoke he realised he had gone way too far.   
Sirius started crying and walking away. “Fuck, Sirius, I’m sorry-“  
“Don’t!” Sirius yelled between sobs. “I knew you hadn’t forgiven me!”  
“I have, Pads, I have, I love you, I’m sorry,” Remus pleaded Sirius to stop.  
“I’ll go back to James’.” Sirius muttered. “Sorry for coming.”  
“Don’t. You. Dare.” Remus glared at him and then pulled him into a kiss. The kiss began angry, full of annoyance and rage, and slowly became soft, and tender, and loving.   
When they pulled apart, Sirius apologised. “I’m sorry. I was just scared.”  
Remus shook his head. “I’m the one who should be sorry, Pads. I forgave you a long time ago and I trust you completely.”  
Sirius looked up at Remus. “Are you sure?”  
“I’m sure.”  
“Can I stay at yours then?”  
Remus chuckled. “Yes, baby, of course.”

—————————————————————

So it turned out that Sirius had told Lyall and Hope that he and Remus were together. Their correspondence apparently led to Sirius being invited to stay at Remus’ for the first few weeks before the two headed to James’.  
“Dinner was lovely, thank you Hope, thank you Lyall,” Sirius smiled as he took the plates over to the sink. “I can help wash up if you’d like?”  
“No thanks, dear, but thank you for the offer,” she said happily. “Remus?”  
“Yes mum?”   
“I’ll let you and Sirius decide where to sleep. Guest room’s set up, but Sirius, it’s your choice where you sleep okay?”  
“Thank you so much Hope,” Sirius beamed in response.  
“Thanks mum,” Remus shot her a look that said ‘really, thank you’ as he and Sirius headed upstairs.

They had been talking for hours when the house was finally silent. Sirius had the look on his face that only appeared when he was thinking deeply.  
“Baby?” Remus said softly.  
“Mmm?” Sirius responded.  
“What are you thinking about?”  
Sirius looked nervous as he responded “Oh. Nothing.” Remus knew that was bullshit, so he decided to do some guessing.  
“You know what I was thinking about?” Remus asked quietly.  
“No, what?”  
Remus tried desperately not to sound nervous. “We’ve never had sex.”  
Sirius inhaled sharply. “Y-yeah, guess we haven’t.” He paused. “That one time in the shack-“  
“Six months.” Remus deadpanned.  
“What?”  
“We’ve been together for six months,” Remus explained. “And we haven’t done anything.”  
“Trust me, I’m painfully aware,” Sirius smirked.  
“If you’re so aware, why haven’t you asked?”  
“I just…” Sirius trailed. off.  
“Pads, you can tell me,” Remus said soothingly.  
“I didn’t want to pressure you by asking when I wasn’t sure if you trusted me yet.” Sirius blurted out.  
“Baby,” Remus waited for Sirius to look at him. “Baby,” Remus repeated, tilting up Sirius’ chin, “I love you so much. I trust you completely.” Remus leaned over and captured Sirius’ lips in a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was cute. I love Remus calling Sirius baby, because Sirius is so damaged and I love that he's being treated like someone really cares about him, and he's letting himself be sensitive.
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments on the last chapter!  
> Seriously, your comments keep me writing.  
> xo Gabs


	29. Chapter 29 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut smut smut their first time smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best!!  
> First of many wolfstar fucks.  
> Next up: second last chapter :(((((

Sirius’ heart was hammering in his chest. He wanted this so badly, but he had to clear something up first. “Moony, can I say something?”  
“Yeah, always.”  
“I only yelled at you before because I didn’t know if you trusted me. I’m so sorry. I suck,” Sirius frowned and couldn’t make eye contact.  
“Pads, it’s forgotten. It’s okay. You came all the way here for me, that definitely makes up for it,” Remus kissed Sirius lightly.  
“Mmm, okay, whatever you say…” Sirius hungrily returned the kiss.  
“Baby,” Remus pulled back. “What do you want to do?”  
Sirius’ mind was reeling. There was nothing that he didn’t want to do. “Everything, god, everything,” Sirius panted.  
“Okay, then we need to talk.”  
Sirius pouted. Talking, now? Really?  
“Don’t look at me like that. You just need to know something,” Remus explained.  
“Out with it,” Sirius said gently.  
“I’m more… dominant in bed.” Remus looked severely ashamed.  
Sirius almost broke seeing him look like that. “Moony, hey, don’t apologise.”  
“I’m worried I’ll be too rough. I don’t want to hurt you,” Remus sighed.  
“Hey, you can be as rough as you want. I like that,” Sirius smirked.  
Remus laughed, but added “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”  
“I mean it. And I don’t think you’ll hurt me, and I think deep down you know that you won’t either.” Sirius smiled at him. “So are we going to do this?”  
The soft look in Remus’ eyes became hungry. “Fuck yes, we’re going to do this.” Remus pushed Sirius onto the bed and climbed on top of him.

“Holy fuck Moony,” Sirius moaned. “Where’ve you been hiding this?”  
“Don’t get sassy with me,” Remus growled, biting down on Sirius’ neck and peppering it with marks of purple and red.  
Holy fuck, thought Sirius. Why haven’t we been doing this? It took a moment to realise that Remus had taken his shirt off. Sirius had seen Remus shirtless many times after the moon, but never like this. Never with muscles clenched, and body strong. Remus was toned and incredibly hot, if Sirius did say so himself.   
“You’re so fucking hot,” Sirius panted.  
“Says you,” Remus whispered, and then ripped Sirius’ shirt open, sending buttons flying around the room.  
“Hey! That was my nice shirt!” Sirius had worn it to impress the Lupins.  
“I’ll buy you a new one,” Remus growled. “Now stop complaining.”  
Sirius was about to protest when Remus pulled down Sirius’ jeans, revealing an aching erection. Sirius blushed.  
“Baby, don’t be embarrassed,” Remus purred. Sirius watched Remus admire him, and blushed again. “So beautiful,” Remus mumbled, and hooked his fingers around the waistband of Sirius’ boxers and slowly pulled them down. Sirius flinched, suddenly feeling very exposed.  
“Baby, what did I say about feeling embarrassed?”  
“…Don’t?” Sirius whispered.  
“Exactly. Don’t.” Remus tore off Sirius’ boxers and immediately took him into his mouth.  
“AHH!” Sirius moaned. “Fuck, your parents!”  
Remus lifted his head, frustrated. “Used dad’s wand. Silencing charm. Are you going to stop worrying or am I going to stop?”  
Sirius most definitely didn’t want Remus to stop. “Don’t stop.”  
Without another word, Remus leant down and started licking stripes up Sirius’ cock. This was ecstasy. Sirius bit back a moan.  
Apparently Remus noticed. “Hey, don’t. I want to hear you.”  
Sirius moaned at the words, to which Remus smirked and responded “Yeah, baby. Much better.” Before slowly sucking on the head of Sirius’ cock.  
“Ugh, Remus,” Sirius growled.   
“Mmmmm,” Remus moaned, sending vibrations through Sirius’ groin. Once Remus had pushed Sirius close to the edge, he moved up Sirius’ body to whisper “What do you want, baby?” in Sirius’ ear.  
“You…. Inside me.” Sirius shocked himself. He didn’t even know that’s what he wanted, but once he said it, it felt so right.  
“Mmm, I can do that,” Remus smirked, grabbing something from his bedside table and returning to his spot between Sirius’ legs.  
Sirius let himself get lost in the feeling. Suddenly, he jumped as he felt Remus’ finger circle his hole. No going back now, he thought. Not that he wanted to.  
“God, yes,” Sirius whimpered. He still felt embarrassed, but was doing a good job at hiding it. Or at least he thought that he was.  
Once Remus pushed his finger in, Sirius stilled. It wasn’t painful, just weird. He hadn’t felt that before, unless you count that painful experiment in fourth year. Remus’ finger was slick, and Sirius realised he’d grabbed lube from his bedside table. Something about the fact that Remus had used the same lube to get himself off sent electricity through Sirius’ veins.  
Suddenly, Remus crooked his finger. “FUCK!” Sirius screamed. His face immediately turned bright red.  
“What is it, baby?” Remus smirked, obviously knowing what it was.  
“T-that,” Sirius stammered.  
“What…” Remus paused, and crooked his finger again. “This?”  
“God, fuck, yes, that,” Sirius moaned. His face burned with embarrassment yet again.  
“Baby, no, I don’t want my baby embarrassed,” Remus fondled Sirius’ balls while he said it. Where was this coming from?!  
Sirius stayed silent, afraid he’d let out more humiliating noises. “Sirius, if you don’t stop holding back I’ll just…” Remus stilled his finger. “Stop.”  
“No, no, no, don’t stop,” Sirius didn’t even care that he was begging. He was not going to let Remus stop.  
“You’ll stop holding back?”  
“Stop talking Remus.”  
“Don’t. Tell. Me. What. To. Do.” Remus punctuated each word with a stroke of that wonderful spot.  
“S-sorry,” Sirius mumbled.  
“Another one?” Remus asked for permission.  
“Yes, more,” Sirius begged.  
Remus slid another finger inside Sirius. The intrusion was painful at first, but Remus eased the pain by licking up the precum at the head of Sirius’ cock. Mmmm. That was better.  
Remus slid in another finger after Sirius shouted “More!” The stretch was painful at first, and then Sirius imagined that it was Remus’ cock inside him and lust overtook the pain.  
“Moony?” Sirius asked quietly.  
“Yeah?” Remus stilled his fingers.  
“I want more.”  
Remus cocked his head. “Like, another?”  
Sirius shook his head. “No. I want you.”  
Remus smirked. “Say it.”  
Sirius shook his head. He wanted to keep some dignity for himself.  
“Say it, or I’ll stop,” Remus growled.  
That was enough incentive to say anything, Sirius thought. “I want you to fuck me.”  
“I am fucking you,” Remus smirked.  
“With. Your. Cock.” Sirius punctuated each word by tensing around Remus’ fingers.  
Remus moaned. Ha, Sirius thought. Broke him!  
“Okay, baby. Whatever you want.” Remus pulled his fingers out, and Sirius pouted at the loss. Then he looked up to see Remus stroking himself, about to cover himself in lube.  
“Wait!” Sirius protested.  
“Yeah?” Remus immediately stopped and looked worried. “Is something wrong? Did I do-“  
Sirius crawled forward and interrupted him by taking Remus’ (bloody huge, is that a werewolf thing?) cock into his mouth. “God, baby, fuck,” Remus sighed. “Wanna be inside you,” he snarled.  
Sirius immediately stopped and lay back at that.  
Remus slicked his cock with lube, and Sirius stared wide-eyed. “What you staring at gorgeous?” Remus asked, still stroking himself.  
Sirius couldn’t even respond. “Please, do it. I need you,” he begged.  
“Whatever you want, baby,” Remus whispered. He leaned forward and positioned himself at Sirius’ entrance. “If it hurts, we can stop. It’ll be uncomfortable, but it gets better, okay?”  
Sirius nodded violently. Remus chuckled at that. “You ready baby?”  
“Yes ‘sir’, I’m ready.” Sirius had said it sarcastically, but after he saw Remus’ eyes practically roll back in his head he knew that he was going to save that one for desperate times.  
Slowly, Remus pushed in.  
It hurt, like, it really hurt. Sirius winced. Once he felt Remus’ balls, heavy against his own, he exhaled. “Remus?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Can you just… stay? For a minute?”  
Remus smiled. “Of course baby. As long as you need.” Remus leaned down and kissed Sirius, deep and passionate. Sirius moaned, at the kiss, and also at the fact that Remus had just hit that spot… with his fucking cock.  
“I’m ready.” Sirius stated.  
“You sure?” Remus still looked concerned.  
“Fuck me.”   
“God, yes.” Remus pulled out, slowly, and pushed back in. Good fucking lord that felt good. Sirius was moaning, he knew he was, but he didn’t care. Every noise he made seemed to encourage Remus, and he didn’t have a problem with that at all.  
Remus kept his pace slow and steady, when Sirius moaned “Harder!”  
Remus grinned and slammed into Sirius, who arched off the bed and screamed. “Yes! Yes,” he breathed.  
“Look at you, look how well you take me,” Remus purred at Sirius. “So full of me, so full of my cock.”  
Sirius could have come from those words alone. “Yes, fuck, all yours,” he panted.  
“All. Fucking. Mine.” Remus snapped his hips at every word, pounding Sirius’ prostate every time.  
“I’m I-I’m close,” Sirius whimpered. He hated himself for it. He wanted this to last forever.  
“That’s okay baby,” Remus smiled, steadying his thrusts.  
Sirius realised that if he wanted Remus to come with him, he’d have to go faster. “Remus, harder,” Sirius begged.  
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Remus explained.  
“Fucking hell. HARDER!” Sirius moaned. Remus was pounding into him at a brutal pace.  
“God, so beautiful, so gorgeous, all mine,” Remus panted. “So full, letting me fuck you so hard,” he moaned.  
“God, yes, Moons, fuck,” Sirius couldn’t string a sentence together, so he settled for stuttering out words that almost made sense. “Yours, all yours.”  
Something in Remus snapped at hearing those words. He pulled Sirius’ legs around his waist, and thrust just as hard, just as fast, but much deeper than he was before.  
“FUCKING SHIT!” Sirius screamed.  
“God baby, you were made to take my cock, weren’t you,” Remus strained, clearly trying his hardest to keep a steady pace.  
“I’m going to come,” Sirius said regrettably.  
“Yes baby,” Remus wrapped his hand around Sirius cock and gave him a dozen pulls before Sirius was coming all over Remus and his own stomachs.  
Sirius let out a long moan that sounded like ‘Remus’. “Remus-“ then Sirius realised what would really finish him off “-’Sir’, come inside me, fill me up, make me yours, own-“  
Remus gave a final brutal thrust and Sirius felt himself filling up with warm cum. Remus thrusted until he was completely spent, and collapsed on top of Sirius.  
They both panted in silence for a minute or two, and then Remus lifted himself up to give Sirius a much needed kiss.  
“That was amazing.” Sirius beamed at Remus.  
“You sure? Not too rough? Not too weird?” Sirius knew that the ‘weird’ gestured to the praise that Remus whispered to Sirius throughout the entire fuck.  
“No, it was perfect.” Sirius paused. “Was it okay for you?”  
“Oh my god, baby, Sirius, it was incredible. You’re incredible.”  
“Moony?”  
“Yeah Pads?”  
“I love you always.”  
“And I love you forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if I should do smut again in the next fic!  
> I'll publish some chapters as soon as I finish this fic so it just continues on :)
> 
> Thank you for all the love  
> xo Gabby


	30. Chapter 30 - Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiny bit of angst!  
> Don't fret, this story has a happy ending, or somewhat happy... you'll have to read the next one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left!
> 
> I explain the next fics in the notes at the end!

Remus was leaning against the train window and stroking Sirius’ hair as the boy lay on his lap. He was anxiously thinking about their relationship ending when school ended.  
Sod it, he thought.   
“Sirius?” Remus asked softly, wondering whether the smaller boy was awake.  
“Mmm?” Sirius rubbed his eyes sleepily.  
“Sorry. Go back to sleep,” Remus apologised.  
“Nah, I’m up now. What is it Moony?”  
Remus inhaled. “Well, I was wondering if we are going to break up when school ends.”  
Sirius looked hurt. “W-why would we do that?” He whimpered.  
“Oh, I just thought you’d move on with your life and get a job and get married and stuff.” Remus looked away from Sirius.  
“I am going to move on with my life. You’re my life,” Sirius explained. “Moony, you’re everything to me.”  
Remus couldn’t help smiling. “I just don’t want to hold you back. We both know that my future isn’t all that bright.”  
“Remus. We don’t know anything about the future. We all know there might be a war. I don’t think it will matter whether you’re a… you know, when there’s a war going on. We don’t know if having a furry little problem will mean the same thing that it does now. The only thing that you could do to hold me back is leave me.” Sirius looked deep in thought. “Unless you want to leave me?” He muttered nervously.  
Shit. “God, Pads, no, I would never leave you, ever, okay?” Sirius still looked unsure. “I love you more than anything. I love you always, I love you forever. Okay?”  
Snuggling into Remus’ shoulder, Sirius smiled and whispered “Mmm. Okay.”

——————————————————————————

They stepped off the train at King’s Cross to meet a smiling Mrs Potter.  
“Mum!” Sirius yelled, giving her a tight hug.  
“Hello dear,” she laughed at his enthusiasm.  
“Hi, Mrs Potter. Thanks for coming to get us,” Remus said warmly, hugging her as well.  
“Of course darling, of course. James and Peter are desperate to see you. Grab my arms?” Sirius and Remus held on to her as they spun, and arrived at James’ doorstep.  
Mrs Potter went to knock, but Sirius screamed “PRONGS! DOOR!” at James’ window. Euphemia tried to look disappointed, but was hiding a smile and stifling a laugh. James threw open the door.  
“Lads! Welcome! Been a while, hey! Hope you didn’t sha-“  
“Wow! Missed you too James!” Remus exclaimed, interrupting what would’ve been an incredibly inappropriate comment about shagging, that Mrs Potter definitely didn’t need to hear.   
“Upstairs!” James grabbed their trunks and bolted up the staircase. Sirius followed.  
“Thank you for taking Sirius and I, Mrs Potter,” Remus said politely.  
Euphemia just laughed. “You’ve always been the nice one, dear. You’re welcome. Now go see your friends!” She tottered off to the kitchen.

Upon entering the room, Remus saw Peter, James and Sirius on the floor at the end of James’ bed, whispering quickly.  
“Moony!” Exclaimed Peter. “Come sit!”  
Sighing, Remus took a seat in between Peter and Sirius. “What are we up to now?”  
“Well, now that you ask Moony, Peter and I can reveal to you and Padfoot our eight-step-plan to cause as much mayhem as possible in our last year of school.” Remus looked suspicious. “Well, Moony here will be Head Boy, so we have an inside man!”  
“I’m not going to be Head Boy,” Remus sighed. He knew this for a fact. He had actually asked Dumbledore specifically to not consider him for the position, due to his furry little problem limiting his NEWT study time. He didn’t need any extra responsibilities.  
“You definitely are.” States James.  
It wasn’t worth disagreeing, Remus decided. “Whatever you say, Jamie-boy.” James glared at him. Remus knew he absolutely despised that nickname.  
“Anyway,” James said sharply “Head Boy over here will be our inside man, meaning we will get away with even more mischief that we did when he was a Prefect!”  
Remus didn’t want to tell the others that he had requested not to be Head Boy, because their reactions, although different, would all be shite. Sirius would say ‘Don’t let your furry little problem get in the way of everything!’, James would say ‘I can’t believe you turned it down. That was selfish. What about the pranks!’ And Peter would say ‘Yeah!’.  
“Remus will definitely be head boy, and he will help us with everything!” Sirius confirmed, agreeing with James.  
This was the one thing about Sirius. Remus noticed that he acted differently around James. Sirius would agree with James, even at Remus’ expense (Remus knew that it wasn’t a conscious decision. It still sucked.), he would take less notice if Remus was upset. Remus knew that Sirius adored him, and maybe he was just jealous, but sometimes he found himself feeling hurt. The boys continued their conversation, Remus retracting into a ball. The full moon was in a few days, and Remus would be locked in the Potters’ cellar. His emotions were heightened and he felt lonely and really, really shit. He’d had all of Sirius’ attention for two weeks, and now he felt like an afterthought. He felt tears welling in his eyes, and decided that there was no way he was going to cry in front of them when his only explanation was ‘I’m jealous of my boyfriend’s friends, even though they’re my friends, and I’m basically a big baby’.  
Shaking his head, Remus announced that he was really tired, and was going to lay down.

Remus went to a guest room. He assumed he would end up sleeping with Sirius, but at least if he rested in here he could lock the door and no one would have a reason to want to come in. He locked the door with the muggle lock connected to the wall, and lay down on the bed. It was boiling hot, so he shed his shirt and curled up, trying his best to hold back tears.  
He was like Lily on her period. What was wrong with him? For once, he was the one overreacting. At least he knew it.   
None of them came to check on him. 

————————————————————————

An while later, Remus was still lying down, staring at the ceiling. He considered going and getting a book, but that would mean facing the Marauder’s, and he really wasn’t in the mood. He honestly just wanted to go home.  
Then, he had an idea. He found some spare parchment and a quill on the desk, and started writing.

Lily,  
Something’s wrong with me.  
Sirius has been over for two weeks, and we just arrived at James’. As soon as we got here, I got jealous of Sirius and James’ friendship. I know that it’s ridiculous, but I’m feeling really, really sad.   
I want to go home.  
I really need to talk to you, I just don’t know how I could. The Potters don’t have a telephone, and owl post is just too slow. I’m desperate.  
Sirius and I have been shagging since the second night of the holidays, and it seems like that’s formed some sort of connection with us, a connection I wasn’t aware of until now. I honestly just want a hug.   
Is there any way that I can see you? I’m thinking of going home.  
Write back quickly please. I feel alone.  
\- Remus

Remus realised that he would have to go and find the Potters’ owl, all the way across the estate. He could borrow Peter’s, he supposed, but the boys were still occupying the room where Lola was residing. (What kind of name was Lola, for an owl? Remus had always been confused as to who named it, but didn’t want to ask in case it was Peter himself.).   
Then, that bloody higher power cut Remus some slack, as he heard the footsteps of three boys stomping down the stairs.  
Remus put his shirt back on, and crept into James’ room, holding the letter for Lily and a note saying ‘Borrowed Lola. Honeydukes later to say thanks. - Remus’ to place in the owl’s cage.  
“Hey, Lola. This is for Lily Evans. Fly real fast and I’ll give you lots of owl treats when you get back. Wait for her to write a response please.” Lola nodded at Remus and plucked the letter out of his hand. She flew out the window. Remus knew that Lily didn’t live far from James, and with owl treats for motivation he could have a letter within the hour. He picked up his trunk while he was at it, and crept back to the guest room, locking the door.

An hour later, Remus had shut the blinds and was reading using the charmed booklight that Sirius had given him for Christmas. He heard a tapping at the window, and lifted the blinds to find Lola, holding a letter in her beak. Remus opened the window, took the letter, and gave Lola the promised owl treats, which she ate up quickly, nipped Remus’ finger, and flew away, back to the window in James’ room. Remus tore open the letter.

Rem,   
I did some research. Nothing’s wrong with you.  
I’m so sorry you’re feeling so sad and alone, but, I have some good news.  
I have my muggle license, so I’m driving to Wittlemead and I should be there within an hour from now, so, like, 4:00.  
Walk up and meet me. We can talk and I’ll explain everything.  
See you soon.  
\- Lily

Remus immediately put on his shoes and wrote a note to the boys, saying that he was going on a walk and not to worry. He left it on his bed, and left the house through the side gate.  
WIttlemead was around ten minutes away, and it was 3:55, so Remus sped towards the village. He needed to see Lily, and to not feel so alone.  
He reached the town square, and headed to the gazebo, assuming that’s where Lily was waiting. Sure enough, he spotted flaming red hair, and felt more relaxed then he had for hours.  
“Remus!” Lily held him in a tight hug. “It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay,” she whispered.  
“I’m so… alone,” he whimpered.  
“You’re not. This is normal.”  
“Nothing about this is normal!”  
“Let me explain?” He nodded. “Okay. Apparently when werewolves sleep with somebody, they essentially ‘claim’ them.” Looking at Remus’ outraged face, she quickly continued. “Not forever, don’t worry, just temporarily, especially if it’s the first time. Feeling jealous is part of feeling possessive. The reason you feel alone is because your ‘mate’-“  
“Fuck, I made him my mate? What the hell have I done?!”  
“Remus, let me finish. The reason you feel alone is because your temporary mate isn’t giving you all his attention,” she said softly.  
“Lily, that’s so unreasonable!” Remus exclaimed.  
“That, I can agree with. The only way that you can work through it is by either reclaiming your mate…” she trailed off.  
“So shagging him?”  
“For want of a better term, yes. The other way is distancing yourself so much that the wolf forgets.”  
Remus frowned. “Well I’m not going to do that.”  
“No, I didn’t think so.”  
“So you’re saying the only way to fix this is to have sex? Like, constantly?”  
She shook her head. “No, just the first time you see your mate, wait, no. I’m not using that word, I can see you grimacing. You just need to sleep with Sirius the first time you see him interacting with people in a new setting.” Remus still looked confused. “So, when you hang out with the boys, or when we get back to Hogwarts, or before a night out at a pub.”  
“Oh.” Remus understood. “Well, it could be worse, right?”  
“Yes! Much, much worse!” Lily laughed. “Rem, do you want to get dinner or something?”  
He beamed. “Yes please. That would be great.”

For the next two hours, Remus and Lily sat in the gazebo and talked about everything from Remus’ relationship to Petunia’s bitching. It turned out that Lily was beginning to like James (which she was definitely NOT happy about), she had decided she wanted to be a potioneer to develop healing potions, and Petunia had met a disgusting man named Vernon that she seemed to be quite taken with. Apparently, he sold drills. Remus told her that he asked not to be head boy because of his lycanthropy. She hugged him, and said it was very brave of him to make that decision. “Lily. I’m so glad you’re my friend.”  
She looked outraged. “Your friend?!”  
He laughed. “My best friend.”  
“Much better.” She smiled. “I’m glad you’re my best friend too.”  
They found an Indian restaurant and shared some exotically named curry. Remus was feeling much, much better.  
“Lily?” He asked nervously.  
“Oh no. That tone is never good.”  
“Do you want to stay at James’ tonight?”  
She smiled to herself. “I don’t know Rem, you’re meant to be ‘claiming’ Sirius tonight.”  
“Fuck the wolf. I can claim him tomorrow.” She beamed at him, and tears welled in her eyes. “God, Lil, you don’t have to come! It was just an offer!”  
“No Rem, that’s not why I’m crying. I’m just… I’m so fucking proud of you. You’re so strong. You’re fighting a wolf that tries to hurt you every month. You’re the bravest person that I know.” She leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. Not romantically, it’s just how they’d been showing affection for years.

She drove them back after calling her parents with the phone in the restaurant. Remus smirked at her as they walked up to the door.  
“God, what?!”  
“James will be happy.”  
She tried to hide a smile. “Well, you’d hope so.”  
They rang the door bell, and they went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAA!
> 
> Next fic: First War - 7th year until Halloween, 1981  
> Third: Post Aszkaban reconnecting until beginning of Grimmauld place  
> Fourth: Grimmauld place, the order, until Sirius falls through the veil  
> Fifth and perhaps final: Sirius resurrected (did he ever really die?) remus/tonks, but Remus and Sirius will always end up together.
> 
> Maybe a sixth: post war. epilogue.


	31. Chapter 31 - Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE FINAL CHAPTER.  
> The story continues on in the next fic: Merln, These Boys are Idiots: First War Remix
> 
> The link to the sequel will be posted as a new chapter straight after this one. A chapter is already up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! I love, love, love this chapter. Like, so much.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking around!   
> I could not ask for better readers if I tried :)

“Remus! You’re ba-“ Sirius’ jaw dropped. What on earth was Lily Evans doing standing at the Potters’ door?  
Sirius slowly backed away before screeching “JAMES POTTER GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!”  
“Shut UP SIRIUS!” Peter emerged from the kitchen, chocolate around his mouth. “Actually, JAMES! RIGHT NOW!” After clearing his throat, Peter grinned. “Lily! What are you doing here?”  
“Remus is in a shit-“  
“I THOUGHT it would be nice for us all to see Lily!” Remus interrupted, glaring at her.  
“Oh. Yes, that.”  
“Alright you twats, I’m awake now, what the fuck could be that import-“ James looked as if he was about to faint. “Oh.”  
“Wow. What a warm welcome.” Lily deadpanned.  
“Shit, sorry. Lily, hi! What are you doing here?”  
“She wanted to say hey to everyone. Can she stay the night?” Remus answered for Lily, as she was obviously hiding a blush.  
Sirius watched James’ face turn bright red. “Y-yeah, of course. Come in, both of you.” James ran to fetch Euphemia, and Sirius wondered why Remus hadn’t told him he was inviting Lily.  
Lily and Remus went upstairs, and Sirius followed them quietly. “Sleep in here with me?” Remus asked her. Sirius became furious. Moony was sleeping with him, not Lily!  
“Yeah, ‘course.” They hugged, for an amount of time that Sirius decided was too long. “Thanks for asking me here, Rem.”  
“Trust me, I need you hear more than you need me.” Sirius heard them both laugh, and shut the door.   
This wouldn’t do, this wouldn’t do at all.

——————————————————————

Sirius stomped down the stairs to where James was sitting in Fleamont’s den. “Where’s Peter?” Asked Sirius.  
“Asleep,” James sighed, flipping through his magazine.  
“We have a problem.”  
James looked up. “You always have a problem.”  
Sirius couldn’t argue that point, so he repeated himself. “No, Prongs, WE have a problem.”  
James immediately sat up. “I’m listening.”  
“My boyfriend, your girlfriend.” James looked confused. “My boyfriend and your girlfriend! Well, not your girlfriend… but you catch my drift.” Sirius repeated.  
“What about them? They’re not fucking, because Moony is as gay as Elton John in booty shorts, and Lily is…” James’ eyes became unfocused “so beautiful…”  
Sirius huffed. “Knock it off James! We have a serious problem here!”  
“A sirius prob-“ Sirius glared to intensely at James that he almost whimpered. “Um, okay, what’s the problem?”  
“They’re keeping something from us!” Sirius said defiantly.   
“What makes you think that?”  
“Remus brought Lily here, and I just heard him saying that he ‘needed’ her here. And, think about how he’s been acting all day! Locking himself in the guest room, running away for hours on end…”  
Sirius saw the cogs turning in James’ brain. “Alright, you may have a point.”  
“Of course I have a point! I’m never wrong, like NEV-“  
“Uh, Sirius, I can list at least five hundred times you’ve been wrong in the past year alone.”  
“James, you are the least helpful person in the entire world.”  
“Sirius, have you tried just… asking him?”  
Sirius laughed dramatically. “Asking him?! Are you insane?!”  
James muttered “If either of us are insane, it’s definitely not me,” under his breath.  
Sirius chose to ignore this, instead convincing James to begin formulating a plan.

—————————————————————

Dinner was a joyful affair, the Marauders and Lily sitting around the dinner table together, as Fleamont and Euphemia had chosen to go to the Muggle cinema for the night. Unfortunately, they’d hidden all the firewhisky.   
They laughed, and ate, and discussed what was to come in their final year. Sirius raised his glass and toasted “To Lily and Remus, future head boy and girl!”  
Peter and James raised their glasses and cheered, but Lily cleared her throat. Remus had his head in his hands. “Is everyone finished?” She asked.  
“Ah, actually, not yet-“  
“Great!” She smiled. “Remus and I will wash up.”  
“I’ll help.” Sirius offered, wanting to finally figure out what was going on.  
“No, Sirius, it’s fine.” Remus sighed.  
“Alright, Head Boy,” Sirius winked.  
Remus clenched his fists. “Will you just DROP IT!” He yelled.   
Sirius gasped. James and Peter had gone upstairs and he felt severely out numbered.   
“What’s going on?” Sirius finally asked.  
“Nothing, okay? Just go upstairs, we’ll be up in a bit.” Lily said kindly, and smiled.  
Sirius walked up the stairs, muttering “some boyfriend.” It was too late before Sirius realised that Remus could hear him.

—————————————————————

Later that night, Sirius was lying in his bed, alone. Peter was crashing with James, and Lily and Remus were talking about god knows what in the guest room.  
I’m fixing this, decided Sirius. Now.  
He knocked on Remus’ door and opened it to find Lily and Remus reading in silence. “Moony?”  
“Yes, Sirius?” He sighed.  
“Can we please talk?”  
Remus glanced at Lily, who whispered “Go.” Sirius had never liked her more.  
Sirius shut the door to his room behind Remus and pulled him onto the bed.  
“Okay, explain.” He said, plainly.  
“I can’t. It’s not that easy.” Remus put his head in his hands.  
“Remus.”  
“Sirius.”  
“I’m your boyfriend, right?” He asked, praying Remus would say yes.  
“Yes.”  
“And we love each other?”  
“Of course.”  
“So why can’t you tell me what’s going on?” Sirius said softly, holding Remus’ hands.  
“Because you’ll hate me for it.”  
“Moony, I could never, ever hate you,” Sirius whispered. “Please, tell me. It’ll be okay.”  
Remus made eye contact with Sirius, who nodded silently and smiled.  
“I asked Dumbledore not to make me Head Boy.” Remus mumbled.  
Ah, that makes sense, thought Sirius. He didn’t like people thinking he would be. “Okay.” Responded Sirius. He loved Remus, and if that’s what he wanted, he would support him.  
“Okay?!” Remus gasped.  
“Yes. Okay.”  
“You’re not even going to ask why?” Remus wondered.  
“I already know why,” Sirius responded. It made complete sense, when he thought about it.  
“You couldn’t.”  
“It’s because NEWTS are this year and with your furry little problem you’re already going to struggle, so if you’re head boy you’ll just have less time.” Sirius said simply.  
Remus went from looking miserable to beaming and suffocating Sirius with a hug. “What, what?!” Sirius laughed.  
“I never thought you’d understand,” smiled Remus. “But you do.”  
“Moony, I know you better than anyone, don’t you know that by now?”  
Remus shook his head, still smiling to himself. “Yeah. I know it.”  
Sirius thought that something else was making Remus miserable. Couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“What’s the other thing?” Sirius asked, simply.  
“Um… there is no other thing,” Remus lied.  
“Moony, I know when you’re lying. You raise your left eyebrow and wrinkle your nose.” Sirius was almost embarrassed that he knew that. Then, he was’t.  
“Do I?!” Sirius nodded. “Well, fine.” Remus looked sick with nerves.  
“Moons, you can tell me anything,” Sirius said quietly.“Pads, this isn’t anything.”  
“You can tell me.” Sirius stated.  
Remus exhaled dramatically. “Fine.” Sirius nodded and squeezed his hand. “It’s about us.”  
“I figured,” Sirius frowned.  
“It’s not your fault,” Remus pleaded.  
“Holy fuck, are you breaking up with me?!” Sirius called out.  
“God, no! Of course not! The only way this ends is if you end it.”  
“I’m never ending it,” Sirius said seriously. “Now, tell me what’s going on.”  
“When we got here, I got jealous of you and James.”  
“There’s nothing to be jealous of! We-“  
“Sirius. Let me finish.” Sirius nodded and stopped interrupting. “Lily did some research. Apparently when a werewolf shags someone, they ‘claim’ them.” Remus looked panicked. “Not forever! Don’t worry. But when their ‘mate’” Remus shuddered, “Is with new people, in a new environment, the wolf gets possessive.”  
“You were angry?” Sirius asked, genuinely intrigued.  
“No. I just got really, really sad.” Sirius almost started crying. “I felt like I lost you. I felt alone.”  
Sirius pulled Remus into a hug. “Moony, you’ll never lose me. You’re never alone,” he said soothingly.  
“I’m sorry. That’s why I brought Lily, so I wouldn’t feel so lonely while you were with James.” Sirius was flooded with guilt.  
“Moony! If I knew, I would’ve come with you, wherever, whenever-“  
Remus interrupted him. “I don’t want you to have to look after me,” he whispered.  
“Remus, you’ve been looking after me since first year, even when you’re the one that’s needed looking after. I want to look after you. I love you, for fuck’s sake!” Remus smiled into. Sirius’ shoulder. “Moony, how do we fix it?” Sirius asked.  
“There’s two ways… We can distance ourselves until the wolf forgets-“  
“Yeah. No way. What’s the other way?”  
Remus looked nervous. “We… shag. Every time we’re in a new environment for a long time. Like here, or Hogwarts, or before a party…” He trailed off. “When the wolf officially gets a mate, it never feels like this again.” Remus finished, exhaling.  
Sirius gaped. Remus was worried about telling Sirius that they had to shag more?   
“What’s wrong with that?” Sirius genuinely wondered.  
“I don’t want you to feel ‘claimed’, that’s not fair,” Remus mumbled.  
“Hey, c’mere,” Sirius whispered, pulling Remus closer, and lying down. “You know when you said that claiming wasn’t forever, and not to worry?”  
Remus looked up at Sirius’ eyes. “Yeah?”  
“I wasn’t worried.”

——————————————————————

That night, they kissed, and fucked, and did everything in between. Once Sirius felt absolutely euphoric, he realised he head to tell Lily that Remus was sleeping with him. He quietly opened the door, in case she was asleep, and was faced with Lily and James, lying on the bed and laughing. He pinched himself to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating. Opening hie eyes, he saw the same thing.  
Now this, Sirius thought, was REALLY weird.  
He went back to his room, and he lay in Remus’ arms, trading ‘I love you”s and drifting off to sleep.

——————————————————————

“HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!”  
Sirius and Remus woke up to the loudest yell they had ever heard exit James’ mouth.  
“HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!” There goes the loudest yell they’d ever heard out of Lily’s.  
“JAMES! LILY! LANGUAGE!” Yelled Euphemia from downstairs.  
“MUM! YOU’VE GOT TO SEE THIS!”  
“MRS POTTER! SERIOUSLY!” Lily added.  
Sighing at each other, Sirius and Remus both got up and wandered to the spare room.   
“HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!” There goes Peter.  
“What on EARTH are you two on about?!” Remus exclaimed.  
“It’s barely seven!” Sirius complained.  
James and Lily looked at them, eyes wide and jaws on the floor. They were both clutching letters. “I’m- she’s- oh my god, I’m going to be sick!” James fell back on the bed, clutching his stomach.  
“That wasn’t a great explanation,” Remus sighed. “Lily?”  
She fell back next to James. “I’m going to be sick first!”  
“JAMES POTTER! LILY EVANS! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!”  
“LANGUAGE, SIRIUS!” Euphemia yelled again.  
James composed himself, and he and Lily sat up.  
“I’m Head Girl.” She stated, holding out her badge.  
Sirius and Remus both turned to James. “And I’m-“ he looked a little green “-Head Boy.”  
“HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!” Sirius and Remus screamed in unison.  
“I KNOW!” yelled James, Lily and Peter.  
“LANGUAGE! WHAT IS GOING ON UP THERE?!” Sirius heard Euphemia storming up the staircase.  
She entered the room. “Oh my, who died?”  
James was rocking back and forth, Lily seemed to be weeping, Peter was in shock, Sirius was cackling, and Remus had declared that this was the best day of his life.  
“Mrs Potter! I’m head girl!”  
Euphemia beamed at her. “That’s wonderful Lily! But, not that much of a surprise…?” She looked at the boys, hoping for an explanation. “James?”  
He stopped rocking and sat up. “Mum?” She nodded. “I’m head boy.”  
Euphemia fainted on the spot.

——————————————————————

Later that day, Mrs Potter had prepared an incredible feast, even by her standards. Phrases like ‘I’ve never been so proud!’ and ‘James, this is amazing!’ were repeated, and occasionally phrases like ‘Are you sure this was meant for you?’ and ‘This will definitely not go well’ were dispersed quietly under Euphemia’s breath. Lily was beaming while James had been wailing “This is the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!” for hours on end, Peter was still frozen, and Remus and Sirius were laughing in the corner. This, they had decided, was Dumbledore’s ultimate revenge.

——————————————————————

The last day of the holidays had finally arrived, and the trunks were packed and at the door. The boys were excited for the return to school, with the exception of James, who hadn’t stopped shaking since he pinned his Head Boy Badge on his robes.

The holidays have come to an end, a war is brewing, and it’s time for seventh year.

PART TWO: Merlin, These Boys are Idiots: First War Remix  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25357777/chapters/61484269

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's Gabby.  
> I thought I would properly thank you for engaging with my fic.  
> I'm in a hospital to help with my mental health at the moment, and this story is the best therapy that I could ask for.  
> I appreciate all of you.  
> Thank you so much, and I hope you read part two!


	32. PART TWO: LINK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep on reading! New chapters await!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25357777/chapters/61484269


	33. UPDATE AND NEW FICS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Fics:
> 
> Merlin, These Boys are Idiots: First War Remix
> 
> Merlin, These Boys are Idiots: Post-Azkaban + Lie Low at Lupin's Remix

Hey guys!  
It's been ages, and I just wanted to share the links to my new fics.  
The First War fic is long, but my favourite. Post-Azkaban fic is still a work in progress!  
Please read and leave comments and kudos so I know you're still reading :)

Merlin, These Boys are Idiots: First War Remix  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25357777/chapters/61484269

Merlin, These Boys are Idiots: Post-Azkaban + Lie Low at Lupin's Remix  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26607712/chapters/64875379

Thank you!!!  
\- Gabby xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos!!  
> Also, I'm happy to do fic requests, so if you have any, comment them and I'll write!  
> I love reading your comments so leave them too. :)


End file.
